Rebound

**caterpillar79** · 08-27-2009, 09:30 AM

Guys, I want to know about your opinion on this. You broke up with your GF, told her that it is better this way...it's for both your own good...that you don't love her the way she loves you - but you do care for her, yet not enought to make you want to stay a couple.

So this girl was devastated, tried hard to bounce back, but struggles. She then finds that a lot of men are swarming over her. She tries to avoid them - drives them away because she doesn't want to rebound anyone of them. Yet, one night, one was able to sneak in to her radius and caught her at her most vulnerable moment - she slept with him.

She realized how much she hated you for dumping her - reason why he had that rebound sex...what would you do? How would you think of her?

You still care for her...will you look down on her? Should you want to get back with her realizing that you made a grave mistake for leaving her...how will you deal with this fact?

**OhThereYouAre** · 08-27-2009, 11:39 AM

Personally - If I broke up with the woman, I probably wouldn't mind much that she went and did her own thing.

Yes - I'd probably look down on her...I'd figure that she slept with the guy to either get back at me or to spite me, even if it wasn't the case. Also, I'm not a fan of fast women.

And lastly, no - it wouldn't make me want to get back with her. In fact, it would do the opposite....just make my decision seem all the more logical.

Good luck.

**rcoreyus** · 08-27-2009, 11:41 AM

If I broke up with someone, I'd feel they were free to do whatever they wanted. If they broke up with me I'd feel free to do whatever I wanted (happened once and I did). When you break up with someone you relinquish all claim to that person.

**WildChild** · 08-27-2009, 12:32 PM

I'm not a guy, but this is a boundries issue. He ended the relationship. You didn't go go out 2 hours or 2 days later and hop into bed with someone else and then call him up to gloat over it. What you've done since the break up is none of his business. There is no reason he needs to or should know, no more than he would know who you dated before the two of you became exclusive.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 08-27-2009, 03:27 PM

What men (some) fail to realise is that women are emotional creates and as such, all sorts of emotions occur through a break-up... If she was told "I dont' love you the way you love me", then later told " I made a mistake, I want you back", is this not yoyo love?

Some women will turn to someone for emotional comfort just to feel that love that has been taken away from them, only to realise it was only for a moment and wasn't really worth doing.

The bottom line is "she", is a grown person and can make her own decisions as to why, where, when ... and "she" was told "seeya later", therefore, "she" was her own person and no longer in a relationship and should carry no guilt.

He, has to realise the hurt he caused by making such a comment.

And, that he had no claim on her over that period of time, which judging from the comment of many other suitors but she did not do anything means it wasn't within a day or 2, or 7, or probably even 21, that this occured... so she shouldn't be judged on quickly attending rather, probably trying to get on with her life and making that management decision to do so.

Now, that he has done the yoyo, oops, some time after, doesn't give him the right to get up-set at any actions she chose to take.

**OG612** · 08-27-2009, 03:50 PM

If more guys would prescribe to the philosophy of "leave her better than you found her" then there wouldn't nearly as many bad breakups. Would it still hurt? Certainly. But there are ways to quickly remove the hurt and heal the wounded heart.

Would I be mad if she slept with another guy shortly after our breakup? Absolutely not, because I know he's not nearly as skilled as I am!

Would I think less of her for it? She slept with me on the first night. Who am I to judge?

OG

**Joy** · 08-27-2009, 08:17 PM

I agree OG both men and women should follow leave em better than you found them...

If he broke up with you he ended it and sometimes that's what happens. We are emotional creates You tried to avoid it oh well it happened... Did you x find out about this? Is that why he is texting you and whatnot?

**caterpillar79** · 08-28-2009, 09:29 AM

I think he figured it out via my blogs. Whatever will be, will be. I have no control then. But now, I am more stable than before (I hope it continues progressing).
I still care about him, and he says he does care, too. But this time, maybe, just on a friendly level. He is very hard to read. He kept sending me mixed signals.

**ThexMrs** · 08-28-2009, 10:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OhThereYouAre

Personally - If I broke up with the woman, I probably wouldn't mind much that she went and did her own thing.

Yes - I'd probably look down on her...I'd figure that she slept with the guy to either get back at me or to spite me, even if it wasn't the case. Also, I'm not a fan of fast women.

And lastly, no - it wouldn't make me want to get back with her. In fact, it would do the opposite....just make my decision seem all the more logical.

Good luck.

Exactly... I think it would be an act of desperation.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 08-29-2009, 02:31 AM

Excepting.... (30 days) having gone past before hand, is purely and simply " moving on"... He had 30 days in which to tell her that he was wrong and ask her back, as his girlfriend.... Yet, did not...

How long do you honestly think us women are going to sit back and wait?

I think that's more than reasonable.

CW

08-27-2009, 09:30 AM	#1
caterpillar79 Gold Contributor 500+ Posts Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: MidWest, USA Posts: 1,379 Blog Entries: 52	Rebound Guys, I want to know about your opinion on this. You broke up with your GF, told her that it is better this way...it's for both your own good...that you don't love her the way she loves you - but you do care for her, yet not enought to make you want to stay a couple. So this girl was devastated, tried hard to bounce back, but struggles. She then finds that a lot of men are swarming over her. She tries to avoid them - drives them away because she doesn't want to rebound anyone of them. Yet, one night, one was able to sneak in to her radius and caught her at her most vulnerable moment - she slept with him. She realized how much she hated you for dumping her - reason why he had that rebound sex...what would you do? How would you think of her? You still care for her...will you look down on her? Should you want to get back with her realizing that you made a grave mistake for leaving her...how will you deal with this fact? __________________ Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, but learning how to dance in the rain.

08-27-2009, 11:39 AM	#2
OhThereYouAre Gold Contributor 500+ Posts Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Cincinnati Posts: 1,302	Personally - If I broke up with the woman, I probably wouldn't mind much that she went and did her own thing. Yes - I'd probably look down on her...I'd figure that she slept with the guy to either get back at me or to spite me, even if it wasn't the case. Also, I'm not a fan of fast women. And lastly, no - it wouldn't make me want to get back with her. In fact, it would do the opposite....just make my decision seem all the more logical. Good luck. __________________ 'If you think you can or you can't, you're probably right..." "It is discouraging how many people are shocked by honesty and how few by deceit..." "People who lack the sense to question Big Lies always end up in deep trouble..." "I don't worry about pointing fingers in the past...i operate under the assumption that every saint has a past and every sinner has a future..." "Build the life you want and then find someone to share it with, someone who fits where you are and where you are going..."

08-27-2009, 12:32 PM	#4
WildChild Gold Contributor 500+ Posts Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Western USA Posts: 6,232 Blog Entries: 5	I'm not a guy, but this is a boundries issue. He ended the relationship. You didn't go go out 2 hours or 2 days later and hop into bed with someone else and then call him up to gloat over it. What you've done since the break up is none of his business. There is no reason he needs to or should know, no more than he would know who you dated before the two of you became exclusive. __________________ We can only learn to love by loving. Iris Mudoch, British writer

08-27-2009, 03:27 PM	#5
CHANDLERS WISH WH Moderator Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Australia Posts: 9,937 Blog Entries: 7	What men (some) fail to realise is that women are emotional creates and as such, all sorts of emotions occur through a break-up... If she was told "I dont' love you the way you love me", then later told " I made a mistake, I want you back", is this not yoyo love? Some women will turn to someone for emotional comfort just to feel that love that has been taken away from them, only to realise it was only for a moment and wasn't really worth doing. The bottom line is "she", is a grown person and can make her own decisions as to why, where, when ... and "she" was told "seeya later", therefore, "she" was her own person and no longer in a relationship and should carry no guilt. He, has to realise the hurt he caused by making such a comment. And, that he had no claim on her over that period of time, which judging from the comment of many other suitors but she did not do anything means it wasn't within a day or 2, or 7, or probably even 21, that this occured... so she shouldn't be judged on quickly attending rather, probably trying to get on with her life and making that management decision to do so. Now, that he has done the yoyo, oops, some time after, doesn't give him the right to get up-set at any actions she chose to take. __________________ Do we not realise that in order to find a soul It doesn't happen over night if truth were to be told Like everything in life that's hard to achieve you must believe! Register! \| Rules/FAQ \| Contact Mod

08-27-2009, 03:50 PM	#6
OG612 Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Twin Cities, MN Posts: 306	If more guys would prescribe to the philosophy of "leave her better than you found her" then there wouldn't nearly as many bad breakups. Would it still hurt? Certainly. But there are ways to quickly remove the hurt and heal the wounded heart. Would I be mad if she slept with another guy shortly after our breakup? Absolutely not, because I know he's not nearly as skilled as I am! Would I think less of her for it? She slept with me on the first night. Who am I to judge? OG __________________ Through hypnosis, I create confident men and women to succeed in all facets of their lives. This place will soon get very interesting

08-27-2009, 11:41 AM	#3
rcoreyus March 2008 "Poster of the Month" Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: SF bay area Posts: 1,334	If I broke up with someone, I'd feel they were free to do whatever they wanted. If they broke up with me I'd feel free to do whatever I wanted (happened once and I did). When you break up with someone you relinquish all claim to that person.

08-27-2009, 08:17 PM	#7
Joy Gold Contributor 500+ Posts Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Canada Posts: 625 Blog Entries: 5	I agree OG both men and women should follow leave em better than you found them... If he broke up with you he ended it and sometimes that's what happens. We are emotional creates You tried to avoid it oh well it happened... Did you x find out about this? Is that why he is texting you and whatnot?

08-28-2009, 09:29 AM	#8
caterpillar79 Gold Contributor 500+ Posts Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: MidWest, USA Posts: 1,379 Blog Entries: 52	I think he figured it out via my blogs. Whatever will be, will be. I have no control then. But now, I am more stable than before (I hope it continues progressing). I still care about him, and he says he does care, too. But this time, maybe, just on a friendly level. He is very hard to read. He kept sending me mixed signals. __________________ Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, but learning how to dance in the rain.

08-29-2009, 02:31 AM	#10
CHANDLERS WISH WH Moderator Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Australia Posts: 9,937 Blog Entries: 7	Excepting.... (30 days) having gone past before hand, is purely and simply " moving on"... He had 30 days in which to tell her that he was wrong and ask her back, as his girlfriend.... Yet, did not... How long do you honestly think us women are going to sit back and wait? I think that's more than reasonable. CW __________________ Do we not realise that in order to find a soul It doesn't happen over night if truth were to be told Like everything in life that's hard to achieve you must believe! Register! \| Rules/FAQ \| Contact Mod

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