FFemt

Looking for some opinions, about a month ago I posted a thread saying I like this girl I work with, I asked for advice on how to approach her and hopefully start a relationship.

I did not ask her any thing yet, she is in a relationship I found out, a abusive one (emotionally) she gets so upset sometimes from the stuff that guy says to her.

I am really good friends with her and I see how he hurts her sometimes.

I am a medical student, out side of that I support myself as a professional firefighter/EMT.

She sees me when I'm on calls, hangs out at the fire hall, I even put the fire out when her boy friends house caught and saved his property.

She said she wants to get out of that relationship and spend time with a decent guy and have fun.

I go to school Monday through Thursday from about 9 am to 5 pm, work the ambulance 7pm to 12am. From 5am Friday morning till Sunday 12 midnight I respond to fire calls (I make my own hours at the night job were I see her, I don't even have time for that job any more, my full time job had its hours changed).

Her current boyfriend never spends time with her, blows her off to hang out with the guys.

Soon enough I will be a doctor, assuming I continue on like I am now. I worked hard to get were I am now, a few years in the army, and in the emergency services earning money to pay for school.

She said she wants to have a family, with children.I could give her and a family full of children a great life but I have no time to " go out with her every Friday night" as of now.

Do you think I have even the slightest chance of winning her heart when she complains of her current boyfriend never spending time with her. I am sorry for the long rant I guess I needed to vent,

I was medically discharged from the army and my unit was just deployed to Afghanistan and they were like a second family to me.

Today is the anniversary of the day I enlisted in the military and I'm just a little upset.

CHANDLERS WISH

Most importantly I want to firstly say, sorry regarding your pain over your "family", we will pray they will all be safe.

Ffemt.. I don't know... Women "wish" for a better life but remain in an abusive relationship, often.. It may not be the "right" timing. She has to dislike him to the hilt to be able to walk away... I would suggest you continue speaking with her and ask her what it would take for her to leave him and see whether you gage she is serious and ready to do that yet.

Your hours as well will be very testing on a relationship and good for you to be a go getter and working towards a successful future.

You will have to ascertain whether you can see her enough to make her happy, whilst you will be happy and complete as you like her and have her in your life, you have to ascertain if she will not get lonley and whether she can fall in love with you and be in love with you to accept these things. Which can be done, has been done.

Do you actually know if she feels anything for you? Or whether your an ear for her, to listen to her whoas.

There are a few things there that would make it hard to answer you truthfully.

CW

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baja

FFEMT, if you continue as her "support system" your chances of winning this girl over are slim since she will continue to lean on you for help while she looks to others to fulfill her desires. Though she clearly likes you based on how much time she spends with you so you definitely have something to work with...

Now you need to hit the reset button and change your style & approach with her so that she sees you in a completely different light. Some here will recommend reading up on David DeAngelo, but overall, you need to find a way to create sparks between you both -- some positive & some negative -- to change your relationship as well as increase the sexual tension.

WildChild

As long as she is in the abusive relationship she isn't moving forward. If she leaves him to be with you there is a good chance that once she is healed she would move on. This is tricky. There is a reason why she is with this guy and staying. Nothing wrong with letting her know you care and are there but make it clear that Nothing is happening until she gets free and stays that way. If and when she does, don't just rush in, wait a bit and see what happens.

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OhThereYouAre

You have a chance with her, but it's not now.

You are her go to guy when she has trouble with the rest of the world.

You've fallen into the "friends" zone with her. It's tough to get out of, but not impossible.

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LanaBear

I think there is a difference between being in a abusive relationship, complaining that he never spends time with her and being in a healthy relationship, where you may not be spending time with her, but the time spent is healthy and productive.

But - with that being said, right now you are safe to her, her shoulder to cry on, her personal firefighter so to speak. She needs to make the decision to get out of this relationship and stand on her own two feet for a bit. You can be there for her all you want, but in the end she needs to make the decision.

If and when she does decide to end things with the boyfriend, be there for her and help her get through it. It won't be healthy for either one of you if she jumps from one relationship to the other.

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OG612

This one is right up my alley!

You approach with confidence and take charge. That's how it's done.

And that's the way it's going to be, unfortunately. She treats her like a piece on the bottom of his shoe and she sticks around because "he doesn't mean those things" or "he always apologizes and tells me he loves me and he'll never do it again." Bull!

You're in the worst possible position. You're her "friend." But there are ways out of this.

No she doesn't. If she did then she would've left this douche bag a long time ago.

And she'll keep up this pattern because it's what she knows. That "knight in shining armor" is just a fable. Don't buy in to it.

I can respect. Air Force veteran myself and currently working as a psych nurse.

So take her out Thursday after class for a cappuccino. You don't need to wine and dine a woman to get her to like you. That's actually some of the worst stuff you can do to start a relationship. And while your chivalristic point of view is commendable, wait until you find out if you even will like being a doctor first. See what kind of lifestyle you'll be able to have once you get that fancy MD hanging on your wall.

Short answer: No.
Long answer: Possible. But not like you think.

There are ways of attaining this woman. But you can't be this sorry, sad sap that you're being here. ... You're a frickin' EMT, for Christ's sake! That should be a HUUUGE confidence boost! Man up, brother!

Next time you see her, pull her to the side and tell her this:

I've liked you for quite some time now but I've been too shy to say anything about it to you. I've recently come to the conclusion that until you start respecting yourself as a human being, I can' have any kind of want or attraction for you. Ditch the (you're adjective, I prefer douche bag) and call me up when you're ready to live the kind of life you actually desire to live.

Then walk away. Don't let her interrupt you. This is your time to make a statement for yourself. If you don't do it now, then you'll never do it. Even if it blows up in your face you'll be able to say "At least I did something about it." And that... you cannot regret.

OG

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kweldon00

i think you could definitely win her over. let her know she can do better with someone else. be a support system. Personally, if a guy is there for me when I need it, he has a chance because he's taking the time to show he cares about me.
depending on how long she has been with this guy will tell you how long it will take her to get out of the relationship. If it's been a long time, she won't want to "throw it away". She'll keep hoping he changes, but soon enough she will see that he won't.
I've been there, done that.
Just be there for her. and slowly start to move in and show her you can give her what he can't. regardless how much time you spend with her, as long as you can and do see her on your free time.

keiona4ever

Finish your study first, and love next... she just imagine you as her knight in shining armor.