JulyMama06

Hi everybody. I'm Christine and new to this website.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years, living together for 2 years. Lately I am so frustrated with our relationship. He's a corrections officer at the local jail and works 7pm to 7am on a rotating schedule. I feel so neglected because he gets up and gets ready for work at 6pm, leaves at 6:30, works 7pm to 7am and when he gets home in the morning he goes to bed. I see him for about 15 minutes a day. On his days off he sleeps a good portion of the day. I wake him up around noon but he doesn't crawl out of bed until 2 or 3pm. The time we spend together is vegged out in front of the tv or watching a movie. I feel bad that I pass out on him at night but have tried to explain to him that I'm up at 6-7am and have classes (I'm a full time student and mom) during the day and when I get home I have to make dinner and clean and spend time with my daughter before getting her ready for bed. I'm exhausted by 9pm. We only have sex once a week - he has no sex drive anymore...he says he doesn't know why. It makes me feel unwanted and unattractive. I wonder if he still loves me and wants to be with me, I feel like all we are is roommates. He tells me if he didn't love me he wouldn't still be here. He's not good at talking about feelings.... I'm so lost, anybody have any advice?

OG612

Unfortunately... this is what happens when you have opposite schedules. There was a period of about 3 years where my mom and step-dad didn't see each other but maybe once a week because she worked nights and he worked days. They just celebrated they're 15th or 16th wedding anniversary in August.

He needs to be more active on his time and days off. Since he doesn't get up until 6PM, and has to be at work at 7PM, when he gets home in the morning he should help you around the house (if you're still there) or do something productive with his time.

On his days off, I can understand him lagging. I work some crazy hours at the hospital, but I'm out of bed no later than 9AM on my days off.

He still loves you but he needs to get on your schedule if you two really want to feel like more than just roommates who share a bed.

Motivate him to get up earlier on his days off so you two (or three with your kid) can go do fun stuff together. If he doesn't, can't, or won't... withhold sex until he gets the picture.

OG

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JulyMama06

Do you really think witholding sex will work since it's only once a week anyway? He's not the one suffering from only once a week, I am, I can't stand it on a normal basis.

He tried to get into probation locally but another guy got the job with 21 years of experience (compared to my boyfriend's 4). He's also tried to get on the day shift 3 times within the last 6 months and somehow got screwed out of it each time. He wants days, he wants to be home at night with me but it's just not happening and it's so frustrating. He seems so depressed and hates going to work every night. I don't know how to get him to do activities with me if he's just mopy and doesn't want to do anything anyway. He'll say no I just feel like staying home. When he's on vacation his behavior takes a total 180 - I know it's the job. :'(

I just feel STUCK.

OG612

Sex isn't everything, sweetheart. I've been with a lot of women many times. Yeah, it's good to get off with someone you love but there are other means of getting off without penile penetration.

Where does he work? I know he's a CO, but that could be county, state, or federal. You said he wants to get in to parole, but has he considered moving out of that facility? Maybe putting in for a transfer some place else that needs a good man on the day shift?

Does your daughter have any cousins she could play with for the day so you two could your own little time together? How old is your daughter anyways? I'm just curious.

Do you have any hobbies? Or is being a mom it? I've dated quite a few single mother's who didn't have anytime for themselves because they were all with their kid(s) every spare moment. If your daughter has cousins her own age she could play with, see if you can't arrange for something like that. Then you and your boyfriend could find ways to explore and have fun without being hampered with what you can do. Try pottery! One of my exes did her own pottery stuff. She wasn't very good, but we had a blast gettin' messy together! Is there a "historic" part of town? You two (or three) could go explore it and learn about the history of the city/town you live in.

Wineries are fun as well. Yoga is another good group activity. And if you're daughter's in kindergarten or older, it'll be good for her too (if she's not in school on his days off).

So stop feeling that way and do something about it! If he's not receptive to wanting to do fun stuff with you and your daughter on his days off, then chances are he just doesn't care about bonding/quality time and isn't worth keeping around.

OG

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Through hypnosis, I create confident men and women to succeed in all facets of their lives. This place will soon get very interesting

OhThereYouAre

Unfortunately - if you two are going to have any resemblance of a normal life, he needs to change jobs.

He's frustrated with it, too. So it shouldn't be that tough.

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'If you think you can or you can't, you're probably right..."

"It is discouraging how many people are shocked by honesty and how few by deceit..."

"People who lack the sense to question Big Lies always end up in deep trouble..."

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JulyMama06

He's a CO at a county jail. He's considered moving to a facility 45 minutes away with 8 hour shifts, he's not sure how much the benefits and pay will change or if they have day shifts available. He's got to look at it. We've been saving money because he lives less than a mile from work now - 45 minute drive everyday would mean more money on gas. We can't move.

My sister does not have any children. My daughter is 3, my boyfriend is not her biological father. This past Saturday my mom watched her for the day and we went out on the motorcycle for ice cream, walked around the mall, had lunch at a buffet, and walked on the beach for an hour or two. It was great.

Aside from being a mom (feeling like a single mom at that since my boyfriend works 7pm-7am and her biological father isn't involved) I am also a full time student in college. That does take up a lot of my time. I'm an art major, I'll have my degree in 2 years and then have a semester of student teaching and 2 exams to take to get my teaching certification for K-12. I do have my daughter just about all the time. It's actually funny you mention pottery since I have done that in the past and am currently taking a class for it to apply toward my degree.

I totally agree with what you're saying and am now on a mission to get out and find things for us to do. When we do get out it's great. It's just a matter of getting out. lol.

JulyMama06

I do want a normal life and he really seems to as well. He does need to change jobs and has been trying to: parole which he wasn't as qualified as the other guy who applied and days at his jail which he keeps getting screwed out of. He said he wouldn't mind changing jobs but wants to stay in law enforcement.

Lately he has been talking about trying to get on the road with a PD. That will require him getting hired to a PD, working out to get in shape, and going to the Police Academy (which will be hard on us because it's all week for 18 weeks - he'd be home on the weekends but would have homework to do).

Definitely needing a change of pace here though.

OhThereYouAre

If he's on board with it - that's about 90% of the battle.

He'll find a new job soon enough - most good people do. If he needs someone to tweak his resume, I'll be glad to get a look at it.

__________________
'If you think you can or you can't, you're probably right..."

"It is discouraging how many people are shocked by honesty and how few by deceit..."

"People who lack the sense to question Big Lies always end up in deep trouble..."

"I don't worry about pointing fingers in the past...i operate under the assumption that every saint has a past and every sinner has a future..."

"Build the life you want and then find someone to share it with, someone who fits where you are and where you are going..."