momopi

Do you maintain friendships with your exes or previous prospects?

Do you think it's feasible? When is feasible and when is it not?
Do you think it's better to cut off all communications or not?

What are the implications of maintain friendships with them? How much do you think they can affect your current relationship/singleness?

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I never had a serious boyfriend. Just half-baked relationships that lasted for few weeks/months. Actually, they're not even considered relationships lol. They are rather romantic friendships.

I have lost communication with almost all men I've had such set-up with. It's quite sad to lose such friendships. Although I miss some, sometimes I think it's pointless to rekindle friendships esp when they're the ones who pushed me away.

How about you girls (and guys)?

GlitterAndStuds

I'm only friends with one of my exes. One. He's actually one of my closest friends now, but it took a LOOOONG time to get to the point we're at. We dated on and off for a little under 2 years. I won't go into details, but he was an , especially in high school. We broke up 3 times and after that 3rd time, obviously that was enough. Things like that should never happen more than once, such a waste.

It was awkward for a while when beginning the friends stage, since we'd date people, and I'd been over him for a long time but he maintained feelings for me for a while. So I had to cut way down on hangout time. But later on, it just kind of worked out. Now we hang out all the time, talk all the time, and it's great. He was the sh1ttiest boyfriend ever, but a really good friend to have.

As far as how it effects your relationships, it depends on the person you're with. Some people don't care, others feel weird about it. My current SO has no contact with any of his exes (except for one that won't go away but that's a whole other "crazy girl" story), he burns those bridges when they break up. He doesn't see the sense in it. A lot of people are like that. It's a rare thing to be friends (even with the opposite sex PERIOD, regardless if you dated them).

But if you can hang out and be cool with it, I think it's a good idea. Within reason at least.

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stressed

First of all, if you want to be friends with an ex you absolutely have to let your current partner know about it. If he is not comfortable with the idea then his feelings will have to go first, as a loved one must always go before a friend. You can make friends at any point of your life, but you won't fall in love many times.

Secondly, you have to have it clear in your head and heart that you have absolutely 0 feelings towards the ex and that you simply enjoy the company. Yes, it is possible to be friends with an ex, but you have to be very careful about how you are handling it. Cutting off communications is usually the best and easiest for everyone. He's an ex for a reason, if there was anything left worth fighting for he wouldn't be an ex. But in any case, I believe that your current partner has the first say in this. Hanging around somebody you've been intimate with in the past can reasonably bother your partner and it's not worth the pain.

ThexMrs

Oh boy... Is this not the perfect thread for me or what?

My best friend is my ex boyfriend Marty. We dated for a year and then broke up. After the break-up I didn't talk to him for a month and then we began to slowly build our friendship back up. I thought that this was a good idea seeing as how when we were dating, we were best friends. I was over him so I saw no problem in communicating. I was dating a new man and all was well... WRONG! I fell back in love with him and have the most tangled web of a mess now. We are still best friends, we talk everyday but... It's very hard. He's the one I want to be with and I'm the one he wants to be with yet... I'm with another man. Now he's wanting to move to be where I am. I told my current boyfriend that I still had feelings for my ex but he loves me so much that he won't let me go. I feel like I am going to end up hurting him in the end if Marty does move out here. I've never been in a bigger mess.

Now here is another example... My other best friend is my ex boyfriend Justin. Him and I don't talk all of the time but when we do it's like no time has lapsed. There are no feelings there other than love for one another as a friend. It's wonderful. I can tell him anything and he is the same way with me.

So is it possible? Definitely... As long as there are no feelings of love (in love) with that person then there shouldn't be a problem.

Just be smart about it.

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momopi

Wow. Seems like being friends after is too messy to deal with..

ThexMrs

It most certainly can be. You just have 1) Be over this person and vice versa. 2) Have clear boundaries and 3) Don't hook up anymore once you break up.

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Kakie

i'm only in touch with one ex now and that is only when *he* makes the odd drunken/sad phone call or email.. i rarely respond to him and we never meet up (although we live close together) because i'm not sure if either of us are capable of being 'just friends'.. we don't work together as a couple, but then i dont think we'd work together as friends either..
on the other hand my boyfriend is really good friends with his ex girlfriend - and it infuriates me! i don't understand it at all.. i don't see how there still can't be some kind of lingering feelings (she was his first love).. i dont think theres anything going on between them, we got together a year after they broke up and she now has a new boyfriend too... however i really don't like it, i never say anything, but its hard to hide when i see her name come up on his phone, or when they hug each other hello/goodbye with a kiss on the cheek in social situations... it always makes me feel really stupid/used??

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