missmary

Ok so basically...here is the story/problem. My boyfriend and I have been an official couple for around 4 months, but we've known each other for 2 years and were friends with benefits and very close friends for about 9 months. He has a best guy friend who he basically hangs out with every single day, and I do mean every single day.

Both my boyfriend and I have apartments, and sometimes I'd rather him come over to my place to hang out than go to his friends to hang out. My problem is basically that...he can never just come over to my place for the night. He always has to either 1) go to his friends first and then come over late at night, like 12 or 1 am, or 2) come over earlier in the night, stay a couple hours, and then leave to go to his friend's place.

His friend and I get along just fine, and a lot of the time I'll accompany him to his friend's, where we will spend the evening basically sitting around watching tv and doing nothing.

It just *really* annoys me that he always leaves me to go hang out with his friend. For example, last night, he came over at 1 am after spending the evening at his friend's. Basically we hung out a little, then went to sleep, slept until noon and then he got up and left around an hour later, claiming that he had laundry to do and some homework. But he just texted me 20 minutes ago after I asked him what he was up to, and he said that he was just starting his homework and stuff. It just kinda ..........me off that I was, in a sense, his booty call and he left to probably go hang with his friend, instead of doing laundry and homework like he said he was going to do.

I guess the thing is, is it appropriate for me to be annoyed? Am I being too hard on him, expecting too much, or do I have a right to be .....when he does stuff like that? I feel like, a lot of the time, that his friend is more important to him than I am. And don't get me wrong, we aren't in a casual dating relationship. I love him very much, and he feels the same about me. I just don't know how to react to what he does, or if it is something I need to talk to him about or be concerned about. What do you think?

CHANDLERS WISH

In effect you still are FWB's.

Let's face it, if he wanted to be with you and spend quality time he would and he could but he choses to come at 1am in the morning mostly...

I don't know who instigated the "lets be more" I am guessing you?

But, he's still leading his life the way he wants it and your accepting it.

Time to find a real boyfriend..

CW

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LanaBear

I agree with WC. As I was reading your post, I was thinking you are still FWB's... It's a convenience to him because it doesn't sound like you are fighting it a whole lot.

You need to talk to him about it, if he is receptive, you both need to find a compromise. If he wants to spend quality time with you, he'll go without his friends company for a day/night.

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missmary

I really don't think that we are still friends with benefits. I mean... we spent 3 months apart over the summer, and we took turns visiting each other. There is way more to our relationship than friends with benefits. I mean, if he just felt about me in a fwb sense, would he do things like bring me flowers, and buy me little sweet things and introduce me to his parents? We don't even "mess around" each time when we are together. I mean, we have gone without sex for more than a month because of various circumstances and he has never complained or seemed like he just wanted me for that sort of thing. I know that he loves me, I can tell by the way he looks at me, how his face lights up when he sees me and other things like that. I just don't know what to do about the whole friends thing. It's almost like that "bros before hoes" kind of thing. I'm just confused.

CHANDLERS WISH

It's CW Lana haha.

Well then talk to him and let him know how you feel.

It's natural for "youth" to want to hang out with mates, but they also have to make quality time with their lady.

That means at least once a week date, one on one time, as well as bending a little, compromise or else your not a couple.

If he's not prepared to then he may love you as a friend regardless of what you think, flowers are nice, it can also be an apology for being a jerk as well, keeping things good.

CW

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LanaBear

Oops - well I knew what I meant. I actually have wondered how long it would take me to do that.

To OP - then honestly, I think you just need to talk to him and let him know what issues you are having. If you have not said anything, then he feels that nothing is wrong. I learned a long time ago that men can't read our minds.

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GlitterAndStuds

It's very possible that he's still in the FWB mindset. He may not think of you that way anymore, but you guys did that thing for a while before becoming official. Maybe he figures that it didn't bother you then, so why would it bother you now? I agree that you just need to talk to him and let him know this is bugging you. I mean, I always urge my boyfriend to hang out with his friends, and he sees them a lot. But he also knows how to divide his time, which is what your boyfriend needs to learn how to do. Let him know that there's nothing wrong with seeing his friend, but you want some nights to have him to yourself too. It would really bother me too if the earliest my guy could come over was midnight, what kind of quality time can you really spend together then? It IS a little ridiculous to have to make his life revolve around any one person to that extent. Hopefully you guys will be able to come up with some sort of compromise. If not, it sounds like he just wants the FWB thing with a different title.

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