echoskybound

My boyfriend and I had a fantastic time together over the summer. He's 22 and I'm his first girlfriend, this is still all completely new to him, but he's unbelievably wonderful, caring, kind, and more than I ever even expected of anyone. Sometimes days at a time would go by over the summer when we were completely inseperable. He's really a sweetheart, the best I could ask for.

Classes started up again in the other week, and he has an apartment about two blocks away now. But I only see him once every few days, even when we're both not really busy, he just likes being alone now. We spend about one night together a week, no sex or anything. We have minimal contact and he really seems to need his alone time. He's still absolutely wonderful to me in our time together, but it's not very much, and I start feeling lonely.

I know this isn't really a serious issue, I just want this relationship to go as well as possible because I absolutely adore him and want it to be the best thing for both of us. But I feel like our relationship has weakened a little bit from lack of time together and communication, but I'm really afraid of overwhelming him by being too clingy and being around all the time, so I try to give him as much space as possible, but sometimes it feels too drawn out to go days without seeing him while he only lives two blocks away.


Should I approach him and ask him to spend more time with me and strengthing our relationship, or should I let him have as much space as possible? How do you balance work, alone time, and a strong relationship?

GlitterAndStuds

Is he in school/classes too? It could be that your time together has cut down due to schoolwork and stuff like that. I know how stressy and busy the first few weeks of school can be. If not, then I'd say to wait a little bit before asking to spend more time with you. Maybe shoot him a text here and there (not constantly) just saying something like, "Hey, I miss you..can't wait to see you again" or something like that. How long have you guys been together?

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OhThereYouAre

You follow suit.

Start hanging out with your girls more. It'll keep you busy and you won't be bored waiting for him to call. Give him the space he's demanding.

Get a hobby, workout, cook, shop.

There is *nothing* more unattractive to a man than a clingy woman.
I dont' care how hot she is, if she's clingy, there is a man, somewhere, who is tired of her.

Keep in mind, i'm not saying he's justified in the way he's acting...i don't know....I haven't been privy to the ins and outs of your relationship.

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LanaBear

I agree with OTYA - make sure to keep you independence. Do your own thing. Clinginess/neediness is very unattractive on both sides of the court.

Talk to him, do a weekly "date" night. It sounds like you both are pretty busy, so just work things in where they make sense.

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Kallygirlie

I do agree to some degree with what been said, clingy is not attractive. I do not agree tho that if a man say's he wants, a women should drop to her knees and give it to him. Why is it that when a man says "I want space" a women is seen as clingy if she wants to see him or talk to him. I myself went through this. My ex and I were together for over a yr. All of a sudden he came over less and less and it got to the point I had to go out and buy and x-box just to get him over a few times a month. Oh but turn it around, I was no longer interested when I said I wanted some time to myself. LOL!!! It's so one sided. If you are uncomforatable with whats going on in your relationship, then talk to him. Its not being clingy if you just tell him you would like more time with him if its possble. Its only clingy if you demand it and start frantically calling and popping in unannounced. You also need to see that once a week really isn't that bad. My man and I only saw each other once every other month when we started our relationship, then it went to once a month, then once week and now we live together and are in a very strong committed relationship. Its only been a summer. take your time. dont wear it out to quickly. I have to ask also, have you guys discussed being exclusive or was this just assumed. Sometimes a guys doesn't want to be committed. He may not be seeing others but he might just want a more casual thing right now. All things you need to talk to him about

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Krystal

OhThereYouAre

I disagree. If she talks about it with him - he confirms her concerns, and THEN she backs off.....her new found behavior might be construed as reactive/bitter/unattractive etc etc.

Elicit the response yourself.....
If she starts doing her own thing, *HE* will probably ask whats up. You've got a great answer to it too...."well, you seemed like you needed some space..." After that convo, he may change his habits once he realizes that miss new booty has a life, too.

Sometimes its best just to leave things unsaid. Actions speak so much louder than words. He'll get the hint. And if he doesn't, she'll know exactly what to do.

__________________
'If you think you can or you can't, you're probably right..."

"It is discouraging how many people are shocked by honesty and how few by deceit..."

"People who lack the sense to question Big Lies always end up in deep trouble..."

"I don't worry about pointing fingers in the past...i operate under the assumption that every saint has a past and every sinner has a future..."

"Build the life you want and then find someone to share it with, someone who fits where you are and where you are going..."

echoskybound

I consider myself pretty independant and I spend a lot of time with other friends, and it's not that I have nothing to do but sit around and wait to see him again. But it WOULD be nice to see him more often. I do adore the guy, and I don't want to see it start going backwards or anything.

He's not always busy... he likes to be around his computer so that he can web browse and play games. I know even right now he's playing video games because I see him online. I don't look down on him for it by any means (I play them with him) and I also have no intention of making him give up things he likes for me. I respect that he likes his alone time, but I already feel like the lack of communication is straining the relationship a bit.

He doesn't seem to see me as clingy. Clingy is someone who calls you 8 times a day no matter how much you say "I'll call when I'm not busy" (there ahve been guys who liked me and were like that... and I know what a pain in the it is.) He typically calls once a day, if not, I'll call him.

However, we're definitely committed, no question about it. He's very loyal and wonderful to me in the time I do see him, but I also feel like it's weakened a little since we never see eachother. The conversation becomes dull and never lasts long.

CHANDLERS WISH

Don't try to compare him to your last boyfriend and what ever it was you had..

That person you stated you wouldn't get over did you?

What games does he play that you play WOW?

That kind of like, I believe but is it happening?

Why does he want so much time on his own?

Your wondering, you have intuition all women do... What really is bothering you...

The way I see it, April/August - 4 months and already he's doing the disappearing act, wanting time for himself, in 4 months.

Something is not right babe.

CW

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OhThereYouAre

Sweetie - you didn't listen to a word I said.

__________________
'If you think you can or you can't, you're probably right..."

"It is discouraging how many people are shocked by honesty and how few by deceit..."

"People who lack the sense to question Big Lies always end up in deep trouble..."

"I don't worry about pointing fingers in the past...i operate under the assumption that every saint has a past and every sinner has a future..."

"Build the life you want and then find someone to share it with, someone who fits where you are and where you are going..."

echoskybound

Aww, no, I did, I was just responding to the others to clarify a few things.. I think you understood the best, lol.

I DO agree strongly with what you said about not talking to him, and that's exactly why I haven't talked to him about it yet, because I don't want to let him know that it's bothering me to the extent that he'll worry about me being upset/angry. It's likely the course of action I'll end up taking, it's just that I'm a little sad in the meantime seeing the relationship get weaker.