Paranoid

So my girlfriend of 2 years likes going out every Friday with her friends.

Her friends happen to be all male, just because of the type of work she is involved in (farming).

The pub they go to is in the town that these guys live in- 30 minutes away from our house. So she usually goes out and doesn't drink, or gets me to pick her up when I have finished my nightshift.

They usually go to the pub, then go back to the house where these four guys live to finish partying.

Last weekend, I was away for 4 days (including Friday). And when I got back she informed me that she drove to the town, and got drunk so decided to sleep at the house, presumably (hopefully) on the couch.

I'm not really comfortable with this. She gets horny when she's drinking, and you can sure as bet that the four other 24 year old single men get horny when drinking.

So I was wondering, is it ok for her to do this?

Is it normal for a girl who has a boyfriend to sleep over at a house with 4 guys? Even if just on the couch? I may just be paranoid.

Paranoid

Obviously I would prefer this to driving drunk, but she KNEW there was no one to give her a ride home, so would have planned all along to sleep at the guys house.

WildChild

Certainly this isn't very well advised behavior. I wouldn't like it much. But only you (and she) can answer the critical question of how much you have.

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tritonalum07

That would definitely bother me. Knowing that men are horny even when they aren't drinking, and then being around a girl who is also horny from drinking? Have you met these guys? I don't mean to generalize, not all guys are dirtbags of course who would take advantage of a drunken girl. If you've met them you have a better idea of what kind of people they are. If she is friends with them, and she's a good person, she probably associates with good people. If her behavior is sketchy, then she probably hangs out with people who are sketchy. That's just the way it works. I would talk to her about it, tell her it makes you uncomfortable, but don't accuse. There's a good possibility that she did exactly what she said, especially if you two have a happy, trusting relationship.

CHANDLERS WISH

Presumably on the Couch? Ask her, this is your girlfriend and you need to look her in the eye and say, where did you sleep that night, just curious? And, watch her body language.

I don't like that she told you a half story. I would have stated, I stayed over because it was too expensive to catch a taxi (if they have them there), and I didn't want to drive, but I slept on the couch, or Joe gave me his bed and he slept on the couch, because I would be worried my boyfriend would think I did something wrong.

I don't know if she planned it, but sub-consciously, she may have said to herself, ah he's away, so why not. I'll drink.

Then there is the question as to why you don't join her sometimes? It would be something I would include my boyfriend with, not exclude him...

Nothing wrong with having guy friends, or still finding it hard to break habits you enjoyed like hanging out, but half stories or not including you into the fun, well I don't like that to be honest.

But, we are only hearing your side of the story. For instance, they may all be genuine friends, that's it, she doesn't see them in any other way nor they to her. And, that she worried you would think the wrong things so didn't tell you where she slept, or that she knew you trusted her so didn't have to ...

So, just ask but in a fashion that does not come across as accusing because it is this I think that has got your head spinning around and making all sorts of judgemental thoughts occur.

CW

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OhThereYouAre

That's definitely less than ideal.

I'd put a stop to it casually.

Put her in your shoes. Does she want you drunk and sleeping at a house full of horny drunk women while she's away?

Didn't think so.

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sourpuss

She didn't drive drunk and she told you where she was. So those are both good things.
Do you ever go out with the group of them? Do they know she has a boyfriend?

Just tell her that it makes you uncomfortable and that you don't want to share her with anyone. If she continues to do it, knowing it makes you feel bad, then you need to reevaluate your relationship.

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OG612

By coming here, you're already showing that she's not able to hold your trust. Given her actions, I don't blame you.

It's time to put things in to perspective. How often does this happen? Is it every Friday? Twice a month? Once a month or less?

How often does she lie or only give you the partial truth?

If you're starting to see a pattern here, then cut the cord, heal your heart, and move on.

OG

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GlitterAndStuds

I'm with everyone else on this one. I can absolutely understand her not wanting to drive home and all, if she was that drunk. I can even say that I've crashed on a guy friend's couch before after a night of drinking, and he lived about an hour from where I lived at the time. BUT.... I didn't have a boyfriend then.

It's just like what's already been said. I doubt she would be too thrilled if the tables were turned. I know if I found out my boyfriend stayed at the house of another girl (aside from a select couple), it would drive me insane. And I know he would hate it if I ever did. I'm sure it was harmless on her part, but I'm not too sure about the guys. Has she known them for a really long time? Have you met them before? They could be like brother types to her. It IS a good thing that she let you know once you got home without you having to pry (I'm assuming). But it obviously bothers you enough to ask about it, so I would bring it up to her. Don't make it seem like you're accusing her of anything, just let her know that it made you feel uncomfortable. Hopefully she'll understand.

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