Attracted to a friend of the opposite sex, can i ask her out without it being weird?

baz08 · 09-13-2009, 07:01 AM

Hi all, well, why is it you only start to think about people in certain ways when they are no longer spoken for?.

I'm a 22 yr old guy, one of a bunch of new recruits started a new job about a year ago, and one of the girls i started with was on my team, at the time i was instantly attracted to her but we were both seeing people so i pushed that aside and we became great friends and talk about anything and everything, well my last relationship ended about 6 months ago and nothing changed as i was not looking for anyone else just yet, about 3 months ago my friend from work her relationship finished and i know what your thinking, but no i didnt go ah shes available lets dive in and make things weird!, as we are great friends but no longer working together but our friendship means a lot to me and its not something i want to lose, but recently i have been thinking about her in a different way and would like to ask her out, but i dont want to make things weird as i have two images in my head, (one is she thinks i'm a dateable guy and we go out which is a bit of a pipe dream from my personal experience in the past) the other is she thinks of me as a good friends and nothing more and then things are weird as she would most likely say no

really in a bit of a dillemma here so could use some advice from people who have been in a similar situation, or any advice at all would be helpful, thank you

**rcoreyus** · 09-13-2009, 07:08 AM

Ask her somewhere that could be interpreted either way - a movie, dinner at an interesting ethnic place, or something. Don't make it sound like a date - just see how she reacts. Don't push too fast, if she goes along, just let her know you had a really good time (assuming you did). If she sounds hesitant, then assume that isn't what she wants.

**WildChild** · 09-13-2009, 07:44 AM

That's a good idea, museums, exhibits; you know her, what are her interests? Find something that would be a natural given how well you know her. Watch her cues, does she touch you? Do you ever exchange hugs? There is differnce in the closeness of a "friend" hug and a "I want to be close to you hug". Be a gentleman just as part of your behavior with her, that means opening doors and offering to get things for her such as a drink or an item left in the car. How does she respond to a hand on her arm or lower back? Or the offer of a steadying hand when taking a walk? When the two of you talk, show that you are actually listening, don't be doing other things, look at her when she speaks, don't assume you know what she will say. If you pay attention you will soon know where her interests are. She may be wondering the same thing you are.

baz08 · 09-13-2009, 09:21 AM

Thanks for getting back to me, well i was going to ask her if she fancied getting a drink or something to eat at the metro centre, (its our local shopping centre) so we could catch up as have not had a chance to speak alot lately, the last two times i saw her we were out for a friends leaving party and then for a 21st, we do hug when we leave like at the end of the night, any hints as to what are the signs that she may be interested?

**WildChild** · 09-13-2009, 09:35 AM

Are they face and shoulder hugs or full body contact? Hands on shoulders or moving down? Does she lean in toward you when you are talking or sitting side by side?

baz08 · 09-13-2009, 09:44 AM

I think its a mixture of both, to be honest i hadnt really taken much notice at the time

**LanaBear** · 09-13-2009, 01:40 PM

I say go for it... But make it a "fun" date that could be taken either way, at least until you can get a better read on her.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 09-13-2009, 06:29 PM

Kiss her on the cheek next time, not fast - longish and only on the cheek and gage her reaction when you step back...

baz08 · 09-14-2009, 05:26 PM

Thanks, it also is her birthday on the 30th Sept and i want to get her something nice or special from me but not quite sure what to get her, dont want to get her something that will say 'hang on thats quite an expensive gift from a friend' nor something too romantic like certain types of jewellery that screams hes into you; as i have seen a nice gold "K" initial with cubic zirconia for about £50, or am i thinking to far ahead and should find out if she may be interested first before worrying about such things ? lol bet you had no idea guys think so much about some things

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 09-14-2009, 05:30 PM

HAHA... nup we never ever knew..

Find out what her favourite hobby is and buy her something in that regard, it's friendly, it's special and it's something she would like as well....

Bet you didn't think us women know what we want either

CW

09-13-2009, 07:01 AM	#1
baz08 Junior Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Sunderland, United Kingdom Posts: 7	Attracted to a friend of the opposite sex, can i ask her out without it being weird? Hi all, well, why is it you only start to think about people in certain ways when they are no longer spoken for?. I'm a 22 yr old guy, one of a bunch of new recruits started a new job about a year ago, and one of the girls i started with was on my team, at the time i was instantly attracted to her but we were both seeing people so i pushed that aside and we became great friends and talk about anything and everything, well my last relationship ended about 6 months ago and nothing changed as i was not looking for anyone else just yet, about 3 months ago my friend from work her relationship finished and i know what your thinking, but no i didnt go ah shes available lets dive in and make things weird!, as we are great friends but no longer working together but our friendship means a lot to me and its not something i want to lose, but recently i have been thinking about her in a different way and would like to ask her out, but i dont want to make things weird as i have two images in my head, (one is she thinks i'm a dateable guy and we go out which is a bit of a pipe dream from my personal experience in the past) the other is she thinks of me as a good friends and nothing more and then things are weird as she would most likely say no really in a bit of a dillemma here so could use some advice from people who have been in a similar situation, or any advice at all would be helpful, thank you

09-13-2009, 07:44 AM	#3
WildChild Gold Contributor 500+ Posts Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Western USA Posts: 6,232 Blog Entries: 5	That's a good idea, museums, exhibits; you know her, what are her interests? Find something that would be a natural given how well you know her. Watch her cues, does she touch you? Do you ever exchange hugs? There is differnce in the closeness of a "friend" hug and a "I want to be close to you hug". Be a gentleman just as part of your behavior with her, that means opening doors and offering to get things for her such as a drink or an item left in the car. How does she respond to a hand on her arm or lower back? Or the offer of a steadying hand when taking a walk? When the two of you talk, show that you are actually listening, don't be doing other things, look at her when she speaks, don't assume you know what she will say. If you pay attention you will soon know where her interests are. She may be wondering the same thing you are. __________________ We can only learn to love by loving. Iris Mudoch, British writer

09-13-2009, 09:35 AM	#5
WildChild Gold Contributor 500+ Posts Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Western USA Posts: 6,232 Blog Entries: 5	Are they face and shoulder hugs or full body contact? Hands on shoulders or moving down? Does she lean in toward you when you are talking or sitting side by side? __________________ We can only learn to love by loving. Iris Mudoch, British writer

09-13-2009, 01:40 PM	#7
LanaBear Gold Contributor 500+ Posts Moon Lander Champion! Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: A cozy little cottage on the moon. :-) Posts: 1,691 Blog Entries: 5	I say go for it... But make it a "fun" date that could be taken either way, at least until you can get a better read on her. __________________ Sometimes life isn't the party we hoped for, but since we're here, we might as well DANCE!

09-13-2009, 06:29 PM	#8
CHANDLERS WISH WH Moderator Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Australia Posts: 9,958 Blog Entries: 7	Kiss her on the cheek next time, not fast - longish and only on the cheek and gage her reaction when you step back... __________________ Do we not realise that in order to find a soul It doesn't happen over night if truth were to be told Like everything in life that's hard to achieve you must believe! Register! \| Rules/FAQ \| Contact Mod

09-13-2009, 07:08 AM	#2
rcoreyus March 2008 "Poster of the Month" Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: SF bay area Posts: 1,334	Ask her somewhere that could be interpreted either way - a movie, dinner at an interesting ethnic place, or something. Don't make it sound like a date - just see how she reacts. Don't push too fast, if she goes along, just let her know you had a really good time (assuming you did). If she sounds hesitant, then assume that isn't what she wants.

09-13-2009, 09:21 AM	#4
baz08 Junior Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Sunderland, United Kingdom Posts: 7	Thanks for getting back to me, well i was going to ask her if she fancied getting a drink or something to eat at the metro centre, (its our local shopping centre) so we could catch up as have not had a chance to speak alot lately, the last two times i saw her we were out for a friends leaving party and then for a 21st, we do hug when we leave like at the end of the night, any hints as to what are the signs that she may be interested?

09-13-2009, 09:44 AM	#6
baz08 Junior Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Sunderland, United Kingdom Posts: 7	I think its a mixture of both, to be honest i hadnt really taken much notice at the time

09-14-2009, 05:26 PM	#9
baz08 Junior Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Sunderland, United Kingdom Posts: 7	Thanks, it also is her birthday on the 30th Sept and i want to get her something nice or special from me but not quite sure what to get her, dont want to get her something that will say 'hang on thats quite an expensive gift from a friend' nor something too romantic like certain types of jewellery that screams hes into you; as i have seen a nice gold "K" initial with cubic zirconia for about £50, or am i thinking to far ahead and should find out if she may be interested first before worrying about such things ? lol bet you had no idea guys think so much about some things

09-14-2009, 05:30 PM	#10
CHANDLERS WISH WH Moderator Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Australia Posts: 9,958 Blog Entries: 7	HAHA... nup we never ever knew.. Find out what her favourite hobby is and buy her something in that regard, it's friendly, it's special and it's something she would like as well.... Bet you didn't think us women know what we want either CW __________________ Do we not realise that in order to find a soul It doesn't happen over night if truth were to be told Like everything in life that's hard to achieve you must believe! Register! \| Rules/FAQ \| Contact Mod

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