please

So do you guys think its a bad idea to start talking again in a week or so? He was my best guy friend for years before we even started going out. As much as I want to make him miss me, I don't want to lose his friendship. But I guess I can't do both... this whole thing just makes me sick to my stomach. He goes to school for acting- straight, single guys in theater are VERY rare. There will be girls all over him.

OhThereYouAre

Not what you want to hear but it's probably best that you cut off communication.

When you're talking exes, there is a very thin line between "friends" and "friends with benefits." And with the old feelings, its easy to cross this line.

Just dont' want him learning to disrespect you.

Good luck.

mdraven

If you would see what I had to choose from you would understand.
The last bf I had was a very convincing liar. He had my whole family fooled.
Granted I do take full responsiblitly for some of the guys in my past but either I'm really nieve or they are just good pretenders.

The internet dating scene is full of liars also, everyone is married at church, bar scene is out of the question. There just really isn't any place to meet real men. Where I live there are lots of losers and drug addicts.
So as a result I choose to just sit home by myself or go out with friends.
I'm getting pretty quick at spotting the liars by now and I see the red flags go up fast. I used to see the red flags in the past but would choose to ignore them.
The one thing that really sucks at my age is the everyone is divorced or has kids or some kind of really bad baggage.
I have a little baggage also but not kids or no drug problems.

sexybabe

when i broke up with my ex-bf of almost 3 years, i was totally devastated. i tried to get back what i had lost and little did i know, i was pushing him further away. i know how you feel, honey, and its not easy. but the good news is, no matter how bad it seems today, after how many months or so, this wouldnt even matter. i will be very forward with you on this one: you have to cut any form of communication with him. this is nothing but a temporary relief of the pain; you will realize sooner or later that talking to him at this time when your heart is broken won't even do you any good.

i promise you.. you will be just fine

GlitterAndStuds

I agree with OTYA that, as hard as it is to do, you need to give him that space and cut off contact for a while. In my experience, I have learned that continuing to talk to someone you just broke up with regularly will make it really difficult to feel better and move on. In a vulnerable state like the one you're in now, it's really easy for your mind to play tricks on you and overanalyze everything, hearing what it wants, etc.. It will make you think that he keeps talking to you because he wants you back. He'll say something and it will be taken out of context, giving you (possibly) false hope. It sounds like a game, but part of the idea is to give him the chance to miss you. Even if he ends up moving on, by not talking to him, you'll have an easier time doing the same. If it turns out that you guys aren't meant to be together, you'll be happy elsewhere. It's hard to imagine now, but you will be. That's not necessarily meaning with another guy... yes, you'll find another one who is better for you... but that shouldn't be your main focus. You have your whole life to find that. Get your confidence from yourself, have fun doing your own thing.... everything will fall into place.

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OhThereYouAre

I hear you on that....but....start a new hobby. Take a class. Visit a new church. Join a new gym. Enlarge your circle of influence. The more circles you run in, the more people you can meet.

Yea- that just sucks. There are some really good liars out there. I've dated a liar before. I chose to overlook her lying because she was hot. Ha- that doesn't last long. I learned a lot from her.

Bottom line-

We've all been fugged over a time or two.

Best way to handle it is to learn from it and move on a better, more experienced individual.

please

Thank you guys so much for all your replies. They really were helpful. As of now, I'm breaking off all contact with him. But I don't want it to be awkward when he comes home for Thanksgiving in two months. Because he will no doubt be hanging out with our group of friends- they are my friends as much as they are his. And I don't want him to feel weird coming home. If anything, I want him to hang with us and realize how much he missed me and want to take me back.

WildChild

Don't hold on to the he'll want me back stuff. You get out and make the most of you for yourself. You have places to go, new people to meet and things to do and lots to learn. Do that. Being in a relationship with him or anyone else should not be your be all, end all goal.

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We can only learn to love by loving.

Iris Mudoch, British writer

mdraven

Once I get a car I also think it will help a lot. Then I'll be able to go more places and meet more people. Right now I'm very limited.

AloneNtheCrowd

Just as Wildchild said letting go of thoughts of him wanting you back is best... I have quit a few female friends who have been down that road and it usually didn't end well. You might prolong the heartbreak you are already suffering through. Be strong, there are so many other experiences out there waiting for you!