please

My boyfriend of nearly 6 months (it would have been this sunday) broke up with me last night. He was my first everything. Literally. My first kiss, my first boyfriend, my first love, my first attempts at sex (we had a few technical difficulties but none the less, he took my virginity in my eyes), and now my first breakup.

He went to college a few weeks ago, and he starting feeling distant recently. He said that he no longer had the "gut feeling" that he should be having for me. He said that lately we have just been functioning as very good friends catching up. I tried to talk to him and convince him that we could work at it, but he felt that he was too busy and distracted to be a good boyfriend. So last night he officially broke up with me.

I don't know what to do with myself. He was my best friend, my source of confidence and happiness. Whenever something was wrong, I knew it didn't matter because I had him. There was not a single thing he didn't know about me- he knew every secret and insecurity I had, and loved me anyway. He took care of me.

He was crying on the phone when he broke up with me. I know I still mean a lot to him, no matter what. And I believe that everything happens for a reason. But I can't help being upset. I still love him. I know this is immature, but I would sometimes imagine that we would stay together forever. That he would be my first and only boyfriend and we would get married. We had never had a single problem until this distance thing.

He said we should take some time to ourselves and not talk for a few days until we both get a handle on our emotions, so we can stay friends without becoming bitter. But I can't stop replaying the past six months in my head. Everything reminds me of him.

I talked to some people about it last night, but they are all taking my side and saying they think hes being stupid, or a typical boy, etc. But I don't think he's being stupid. I could never hate him. How could I be mad at him for following his gut. I just wish he didn't feel this way. It's killing me. I'm secretly hoping he realizes he made the wrong decision... I don't really know why I'm writing all this. I guess I just would like some advice and support...I'm a mess.

mdraven

All I can say is I understand how you feel.
My boyfriend was living with me and on Aug. 31st I came home from work and he had moved out without even telling me. We were together for a year and 4 months.
Maybe he'll call you and realize that he misses you.
I'm my experience with guys they are all pretty selfish and have alterior motives behind every ice thing they do.
Maybe there are exceptions, I don't know. I have yet to find a man that is true and honest after 30 years of searching.
I hope you have better luck than I did.

mdraven

Opps spotted a few type O's sorry about that.
In isntead of I'm
and Nice not ice,lol

OhThereYouAre

You are looking in the wrong place.

You and you alone are responsible for the type of men you attract and choose to associate with.

If you are choosing the wrong men, you have no one but to blame but yourself.

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'If you think you can or you can't, you're probably right..."

"It is discouraging how many people are shocked by honesty and how few by deceit..."

"People who lack the sense to question Big Lies always end up in deep trouble..."

"I don't worry about pointing fingers in the past...i operate under the assumption that every saint has a past and every sinner has a future..."

"Build the life you want and then find someone to share it with, someone who fits where you are and where you are going..."

OhThereYouAre

Give him space. Give him time.

It's what he's asked for. It's the least you could do for the man you love.

He deserves to live his life as he pleases, does he not?

Best of luck to you.

__________________
'If you think you can or you can't, you're probably right..."

"It is discouraging how many people are shocked by honesty and how few by deceit..."

"People who lack the sense to question Big Lies always end up in deep trouble..."

"I don't worry about pointing fingers in the past...i operate under the assumption that every saint has a past and every sinner has a future..."

"Build the life you want and then find someone to share it with, someone who fits where you are and where you are going..."

Kallygirlie

well hun i'm so sorry for this. we've all been through breakups and as much as we hope and hope they will realize they messed up, most of the time they dont. There are the special ones that come back, then the ones that break up with you over and over. Either way, just know it happens for a reason. My best advice is give him the space he's asking for. You said he went to college right? its a new life, new experience for him. I learned the hard way if you call him and try to convince him to change his mind, you're just going to push him away. all you can do is keep living. Go out with friends, have fun. keep your mind off him as much as possible. Break ups suck but we all get through them over time

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Krystal

caterpillar79

Move on. Don't drop everything because of this guy. You deserve a lot better - but only if you realize that. You work on yourself and keep growing on your own. Be that whole person that you can be and you'll find that whole guy for you. Don't be desperate - there are plenty of things that you can do. Keep yourself busy. Do a lot of physical activities such as aerobics, yoga, pilates, dancing, hiking, bicycling, etc. Any interests that you have - tap on those. You'll be surprised at what great a person that you are once you focus on yourself and not on him nor any man. Once you're there, men will notice you - you won't need to flash some special effects. They will come, believe me.
Good luck.

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Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, but learning how to dance in the rain.

CHANDLERS WISH

OP, I think you will find that with each phase of our lives, we change.

He has started College and may feel different now, a tad older, wants to hang out with the boys, may even want to experience life, date and is not ready for commitment persay.

He cried.
He told you the truth.

There is pressure with College both with studying and new friends.

It may be weak of him, because he may have realised his "new friends" are all single and partying and he would be best to be in the same shoes.

We are only hearing a few words of his and emotions from you.

If you think that he may be the one, he may... Let him spread his wings and get used to this new environment and be himself and see if down the track he misses you and misses what he had.

What people fail in, I believe, is giving them that edge. Agreeing to "just be friends" here, they have their cake and eat it to. They get to know everything that is happening in your life and so feel okay about that. They get to still talk to you so they don't have to feel lonely, down and out.

Cut it off for now.

Old saying, "If you love someone set them free, if they come back to you they're yours if the don't they never were"....

CW

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if truth were to be told

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ThexMrs

I am probably not the best person to be offering advice on this subject but I can tell you what happened with my boyfriend/best friend. (Now ex boyfriend but still best friend) Please don't jump the gun though... This doesn't happen for everyone and I don't want you getting your hopes up.

My boyfriend and I had been dating for one year. There was an instant connection and after time I realized that he was the one for me. The only one for me. My everything (as you put it) Well, we were in a LDR (Long distance relationship) and that was very hard being that intimacy is something I feel is needed in all relationships. We couldn't just drive a couple of hours and be with each other. To get to each other it was two long plane rides going both ways (and then one small plane). He ended up cheating and I ended the relationship.

Okay so point number one: LDR's are very difficult. That doesn't mean that they can't work but the chances are low especially for a young couple. One who just went off to college. (I'm sorry if that doesn't seem very nice)

After I broke up with him I didn't talk to him for about a month. I was absolutely devasted. I went out and did a long list of stupid things to try and cover the pain. Whatever you do, DON'T DO THAT! It's unhealthy and it doesn't work.

Point number two: Don't go out and get drunk or sleep with another man or jump into any kind of relationship right off the bat. It will only make you feel worse.

So after a time of not talking we wound up talking again. It was very casual at first. The woman he had cheated on me with had dumped him (which I didn't know when I contacted him) He was going through a hard time and as a best friend I was there for him through that. Can you imagine how hard that was for me? Every we time we talked it was like being stabbed a million times through my chest.

We began talking again every single day, sometimes twice. We texted all the time and eventually we built our friendship back up to where it used to be at one point in time.

Now that brings me to today. I fell back in love with him during our rebuilding process. He was always the one for me even when we weren't together and I was dating other men. I would be with a boyfriend and think about how he doesn't compare to what I had. (Even though he cheated. Please look past that)

It's been 5 months since we broke up. During those 5 months we grew together and went through things together that made our bond even stronger. He is in love with me also and we are trying to find a way to make it work. He's looking for work here and I'm helping him with that as well as looking into Real Estate.

Time apart could just be the thing you need for him to realize that you are what he wants or even you to realize that maybe that's all he was... A first for everything and now you're ready to move on and experience life on your own.

Point number three: Anything is possible so cheer up.

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WildChild

Its hard, it hurts, but no matter how much you love someone your confidence, happiness and security has to come from within. You may never know exactly what is going on with him. We've all been through it and suvived, it takes time. Keep busy, learn new things, get out with your freinds.

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We can only learn to love by loving.

Iris Mudoch, British writer