danceintx

I have been through some really bad relationaships and most recently got a divorce from a very abusive man. So in the year since have not been interested in a serious relationship and have been fairly gun shy about it. Then I met my now boyfriend and have been seeing him for about 3 months. I have become really taken with him and have started wondering if I am in love with him. It's a very strange feeling for me right now and I'm not completely comfortable with it just yet. I do have a tendency to try to find the wrong with guys, but obviously my judgement is also quite off seing as my exes have been narcissistic abusive jerks.

My boyfriend is incredibly sweet to me, is ridiculously attractive to me, and great in bed. I'm in heaven, but last night he was talking about his ex-wife again, and made some statements to the effect that she always complained that she wanted him to be physically affectionate by holding her hand and such, and he said that was living in a fairy tale and didn't happen in real life. I didn't say a word but the little red flags started waving around. I am now wondering if I have just met my next emotionally challenged guy, but on the other hand am wondering if mabye he just didn't love her and it would be different if he did love someone? But is that the same thought process that has gotten me in trouble before? I am so scared of making the same mistakes with men as before.

WildChild

All I can say is talk to him about it. Tell him You like hand holding and all that, it isn't "fairy tale", it's something people who care for each other and are affectionate do.

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"Holding hands"... I think you will find that he is now simply opening up to you and expressing his thoughts of things he didn't agree with, like.

You know, not many guys like holding hands in public, they think it makes them look like a , seriously....

You need to laugh at these things and express that women like affection outside of bed and holding hands is one of those, it's not a fairytale rather the difference between men and women...

I think he was purely telling you that he aint doing it anytime soon.

That doesn't bring up any red flags, it's not abusive, it's just communication of expressions of personal thoughts sweet.

CW

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tritonalum07

I wouldn't say that the simple fact that he doesn't like holding hands in public is a red flag. That being said, though, if he does other things like doesn't tell friends about you, doesn't make it obvious you're together in some other way, etc., I would take off running. My ex was exactly like this. He was so into his manhood and being a tough guy that he wouldn't hold my hand in public, and it really started to hurt after a while. I started to feel like he was embarrassed of me or didn't want other girls to see that he was with someone. You may be different and might not see it that way. I think a lot of it is a matter of perspective. I wouldn't be paranoid about it yet, but keep your eyes open. Good luck.

AloneNtheCrowd

It's hard to say, his ex might have been very clingy and wanted some excessive amount of affection. I'm not really really publically affectionate, but much more comfy with it at home. If he's very sweet to you like you were saying then it may not be an issue. Although some people are just not big on physical affection, generally I'd think after 3 months you'd already know if he was the unaffectionate type. I don't think you should be concerned just yet....

ren_07

The only way I see this as being a red flag is if you both have opposite expectations of affection and neither is willing to compromise. I've had men who absolutely love holding hands in public and doing other sorts of cute "pda" and others who absolutely refused. This became irritating when girls would hit on my boyfriend of two and a half years while he was standing next to me and he would refuse to make any gesture to show he was taken or into somone else. I started to feel that if I really meant something to him he would be wanting to show it. So if you can let this factor go if he's not willing to compromise, then I don't see it as a red flag. But be warned, this will likely come up again if you feel differently.

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kiwicute

Try holding his hand in public and see what happens. If he pulls away, take it light heartedly and joke about it.... "oh yeah i forgot you hate that babe. such a shame though cos i love your big hands...." etc etc. he is probably just too macho and needs to realise holding hands in public is COOL. it shows the world you BOTH like eachother EQUALLY. Good luck hun! x

caterpillar79

Communication is the key. Find each other's love languages and speak them to each other. Again...talk about this, because if you don't your relationship is doomed!

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