tritonalum07

So whenever I start to date someone, I usually start off excited, then get doubts, and then figure out that I like them. Then, I start communicating too much. Sending too many texts, saying hi, not being enough of a challenge. I live in a small town and all of my friends live far away from me because of school (at least an hour no matter which friend), and since I drive to school everyday (an hour and a half away), I don't want to drive anywhere at night to hang out with anyone. I know being bored definitely does not help to play the hard to get game, because I yearn for something to do and someone to talk to. And if the person I've started liking makes plans to do something else, I get really paranoid. I don't know if they can tell that I'm paranoid (I don't think I show it but I suppose I could be wrong), but once it gets to this point I ALWAYS ruin it, or at least I think I do. Another factor is that there is something about me that I tell people pretty soon in getting to know them in case they can't handle it later. That way, if I won't have invested time in a relationship and then be crushed if they can't handle my flaws due to their inability to see past it. Plus, if they react negatively, they're judgmental, which I can't stand. Once I tell someone about this, I get really nervous that they're going to disappear, even if they tell me they really don't care about it. How do I turn this off? AH!

sourpuss

All those problems point to confidence issues. If you were more confident, you wouldn't feel the need to send so many texts, you wouldn't care if they had other plans, their reaction to your 'news' wouldn't bother you either way.

If you're bored you should try to make some new friends that live near you rather than an hour away. This may take some of the focus off the person you are dating.

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tritonalum07

I absolutely have confidence issues. Even when it comes to making friends. The reason my friends are all an hour away is because they are from school. I have a few friends in my area but we're very different. I'm a quiet person in general so I don't like doing the typical things people do when they want to make new friends. I'd rather be reading a book. It's a strange position to be in: I want to have other things to do, but I'm uncomfortable around big groups of people and large social gatherings. Bleh.

prawnprincess

You have some things going for you. I know what you mean about your friends at home- you can't force things to click! So- take advantage of your friends from school. Could you maybe study at a coffee shop after class sometimes and hang out with your friends later so you don't have to drive all the way home? It wouldn't even have to be at night. It might be good to try to make plans with some of them a few times a week so you aren't so bored at home. Then when you're at home you can just unwind and read without feeling isolated from others or desperate. It'd also be cool if you could take advantage of a shared hobby with a family member or someone near home once in a while.

As far as guys go, I think playing hard-to-get has been much more successful evolutionarily than smothering them! It's normal to get excited when you meet someone you really like. A good guideline I've found is to communicate (text/call, etc.) about the same amount as the guy. Obviously, if you send someone one text and he sends you ten, that would seem a little psycho.

I know this is a recurring theme on this site, but be yourself. I'm sure you have some cool talents and interests which you shouldn't hide. Pursue some of your interests a little further or try something new to take up some of your spare time. Anyone who is always bored is annoying.

Finally, I don't know what your little secret is, but it doesn't sound like such a bad idea to be straightforward about it. You probably don't have to go into it right off the bat, though? Could it wait just a little bit?