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About LinkBacksI'm usually pretty slow in the beginning. I try to strike a fine line between being forward enough to show that I am interested but reserved enough to reassure them that I am not just looking for a talking blow up doll.
Yes you're on to something - their previous lovers were probably useless.Originally Posted by Tex
Do some research on how to please a woman in bed.....make sure you aren't as clueless and lazy as everyone else. When females find sex as gratifying as you do, they will want it as much as you. If not more.
I'm usually pretty slow in the beginning. I try to strike a fine line between being forward enough to show that I am interested but reserved enough to reassure them that I am not just looking for a talking blow up doll.
I'm usually very enthusiastic in that department, especially when I get to use my tongue and fingers, and I haven't had any complaints about that, but not surprisingly the ones that complained about me being too touchy feely also did their best to play cold fish.
I know one of them was BSing me for sure, when she dropped the cold fish routine for a short while and nearly knocked me out with her pubic bone before trying to act stoic again. Maybe another problem is that I live in a very religious area where many people think that women who show any kind of sexual interest are sluts. She was probably feeling guilty.
But I'm most at fault for picking the cold fish in the first place.
Sometimes it's hard to tell ahead of time who the "cold fish" are. There are men who are too. I think you are right that many people do have some deep hang ups about sexual pleasure. It does take time to develop the trust levels to really feel free with someone sexually. There are men who will emotionally slam a woman who expresses any preferences or tries to say that she would prefer he do something differently, or not do something. Probably these men are very insecure but it can really hurt a woman's ability to express her needs and what really turns her on. No doubt there are women who don't accept input from men well either.
If you really care for someone, you have to give it time. But it is a balancing act, if their "stuff" is just too deep and there is too much of it, you may have to just move on. They need to deal with it and may not ever. I've found that even if you do a whole lot of talking about it and it really looks like you are on the same page, they may pull in some old drama and then all that they said they want goes out the window.
The desire to be close, to cuddle, to feel affection is in us all and someone who has shut that down...well, you have to decide if you can live with it, if it might change or just what you can handle. On line it's hard to say what you are actually doing or what they are actually about. But if you aren't going at it too much, too soon, aren't just all hands, and aren't really doing out of clinginess or neediness, then you may be findind women who just aren't on the same page with closeness.
We can only learn to love by loving. - Iris Mudoch, British writer
These statements are both very good to hear.
you might think your girls not busy when your watching tv and kissing her neck. but what if theres something on her mind? work? or girlfriend issues??? if shes said your a bit too clingy, put this plan into action. ask HER to initiate the touchy feeliness when its appropriate, so you dont get it wrong.
dont get too hung up about it. it doesnt mean shes not the one for you. its just personal preference. not everyone can find a clone of themselves to date! i think being with someone who doesnt like your habits makes you learn more about yourself and makes you more aware of who you are, and more tolerant of others
lolbut reserved enough to reassure them that I am not just looking for a talking blow up doll.
Cold Fish. I think in reality most women seriously are not used to affection.
Most guys only touch a woman when they want sex and usually go straight for the parts, or make it clear they want some.
So, I don't necessarily think that they are all cold fish, granted some, but also that some I think just aren't used to attention and either think it's going to lead to what they are accustomed to, it's not because you like them and want nothing more, and so freeze up, yes.. .Or, that they are purely not used to affection having not had it, and so freeze up because they don't know how to react, or accept....
Maybe on the inset, as you are dating and getting to know a lady make it clear she will never be an object and that you will show her love without wanting anything in return such as sex, and when you want sex, you'll pull her by the hair like a cave man and ravish her ( only joking on the last line)
CW
Do we not realise that in order to find a soul
It doesn't happen over night
if truth were to be told.
Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
you must believe!
Good point CW and true. Very few of us get just affection without it leading to anything else. Now I'm pretty much always interested but it can be awfully nice to just feel loved or cared about.
We can only learn to love by loving. - Iris Mudoch, British writer
I was thinking back on all of my relationships lol..
Ex-Fiance - would start humming when he'd get home late from work (to wake me up) and for what? Sex.
Ex-Husband - would go straight for the parts and to be honest, I hated it, it always made me feel like I was meat.
Ex-boyfriend - would touch my face, say nice words and hold me... nothing more, and I was like WT? It was nice... Later of course was a different thing but strangely, those gestures (after getting used to them), would make me want to ravish him, because it got to me, (inside) warm fuzzy, carp.
Now Confident Jerk has contacted me again haha, this will be interesting seeing as he deliberately lightly kissed me goodbye and the next day held open the door waiting for me, to exit as a gentleman..
Perhaps that's the key? Kind of makes you want them more when they use some non-sexual approaches in their mix..
But, I could go back further into my past and it would all be like, ex-fiance or ex-husband, it's rare to have something in-different....
CW
Do we not realise that in order to find a soul
It doesn't happen over night
if truth were to be told.
Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
you must believe!
Hmmmm... I am probably not one to comment on this... So these are just my musings...
But i do believe some women are just more reserved- even if they are in a relationship where they are both really 'into' one anorther. People just work in different ways. I suppose you just have to work out what works for BoTh of you.
I for instance dont like a huge amount of affection. Being a country chick I have a sizable personal space zone.
To each his (or her!) own. Some women like it some not so much.
Good luck though in finding that special girl...
...follow the white rabbit and see how deep the rabbit hole goes...
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