My boyfriend looks at videos of other girls on youtube.... :(

**Texinator** · 10-22-2009 04:39 PM

How are you doing today, HD?

**Hopeless Dork** · 10-22-2009 04:55 PM

Well... I took his words to heart, that he 'wasn't sure' of his feelings for me and that was the straw that broke the camels back after all my fears that I didn't do it for him, because if I did... why would he desire porn.

We are back together as I write this, he told me he never felt the ways I was accusing him of feeling and that he loves me - he just felt backed into a corner at all my accusations and it made him question himself if what I was saying was true or not. But he says that he knows its not. It was just a moment of feeling hopeless.

I know that you were all proud of me for taking a stand and being strong. I don't think I am making a mistake in deciding to work it out with him. I love him so much. And losing him right now is more than my heart can bare, it really is.

Plus he makes me SO increddibly happy. God, I have never been treated so well in my whole life. He holds me, he cuddles me, he listens to me, he doesn't judge me, he trusts me, he pleases me in a million ways. We have so much in common and spend every single day together and don't get bored of each other. We play, we make each other laugh, we sit and talk, we sit and enjoy the silence.

He understands my insecurities and goes out of his way to make me feel better about them. I trust him that he wouldn't cheat on me, I trust him that he doesn't even have the desire to.

My problem has always stemmed from feeling like he prefers the uber hot girls of his occasional porn viewing to what an average chick like me can provide. And knowing I feel this way he has catered to easing my mind about it.... to laying off it to where its just a rare occurance.

So while that makes me sad and feeling inadequate, I know I am doing that to myself and it doesnt have to be that way. I know we have something so special, something that doesn't come along every day.

No relationship is perfect. I need to understand that. I need to learn to not get hurt not feel inadequate and not feel unloved if on a rare day he decides he wants to view other girls on the computer.

Its a give and take and I'm just demanding and demanding and demanding. I feel like hey you can do A and B but if you dare do C I'm out of here. How fair is that? Its not a true compromise... not if C is fun for him sometimes and I'm saying so what do C and I'm gone.

I think I am doing the right thing. I know I could love this man forever. And I know he loves me. Me thinking he doesn't just because he might think another chick is hot to look at and fantasize about now and then is whats killing me. Not the act itself.

Thank you again for all your support with my broken heart.

**WildChild** · 10-22-2009 05:20 PM

I'm glad you two have come to a new understanding. I know how much you need his loving support.

**Texinator** · 10-22-2009 08:59 PM

Best of luck to you two.

I don't think any harm will come from trying again. It's not like he was abusive. You've generally spoken very highly of him and y'all's relationship. You both explained your sides and are willing to give it another try, so why not?

All relationships have their ups and downs and none are perfect. Life ain't a fairy tale. But as long as you can get over those bumps together I think you'll have something special.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 10-23-2009 03:38 AM

HD... beautiful woman.

I know this thread created that. I don't care what you say...

And, I also know you've found a beautiful soul... No one is perfect okay...

What he does for you and how he has accepted all, ALL you insecurities is magic.. That's a Man.

He has some sides that makes you in-secure, but that's for you to see and realise because in all you have ever, ever, written? He has stood by everything, loves you and treats you like a princess.

So, he has faults that you don't like but only because of in-securities.

Remember, what I state here. This is a fantastic Forum, it just is... But, you can not, repeat, can not, read what people state of their own problems and then intergrade them into your own.

Each of us are individuals and we all have different "cases"...

Remember that and never let anything guide you differently other than you, yourself.

CW

**Brian2** · 10-29-2009 07:34 AM

As a man I would find it hard to be with a woman who constantly checked out other men. It would make me feel like I wasn't good enough, or that she didn't find me physically attractive.

I would expect my girlfriend to feel the same if it was vice versa.

**Annie1988** · 01-30-2010 03:17 PM

I am so glad I read your post. My boyfriend does the EXACT same thing. He subscribes to these girl's pages on youtube of them dancing. We have been dating for 2 years now, and he has been doing this from what I know for about a year. I have confronted him about it and he says he does it when he's bored. But he does it so often, like a couple times a week. He tells me I have nothing to worry about, but it bothers me so much and I have become obsessed with checking what he looks at. It eats away at me and makes me feel so bad about myself. I want to know how I can get over this. Sometimes I feel like im being imature about it, then other times it makes me so angry and hurt. Please help!

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 01-30-2010 07:27 PM

Annie, the obsession of "snooping" will destroy you. You have to nip that in the bud.

How does he treat you? How does he make you feel as a person? How do you make him feel, treat him?

I don't think it's immature, it's a personal thing.. And, it's better than other things he could be doing...

Perhaps if you give a little more info on your relationship, we can help that little bit further with answers for you "personally".

CW

**Annie1988** · 02-02-2010 07:22 PM

CW,
Our relationship is great, we really our good together. He is very respectful, and this is the only problem I have in our relationship. He has told me in the past it's out of curiosity, and that I should know he really cares about me. And I do know this, but it's just hard to see that he's looking at other girls. Part os me knows this is normal, so I just want to know how to get past it.

Thanks

**FeministBen** · 02-07-2010 08:44 AM

Guy's point of view here.

Looking at pics of girls wiggling their botties is nothing - men do that every time they walk down a street.

Personally speaking, it wouldn't matter how beautiful or amazing in bed my girlfriend was (and she is), I'd still look at other women. You can't even help that. That's just nature.

Looking at porn you CAN help but I still do that as well. Experiencing something sexually with the person you love is amazing but it's also nice to experience something sexually alone. Ononism, the art of masterbation and fantasy. It's great fun and is certainly no slight against you - it's part of every man's sexuality, regardless of their partner.

If you really can't abide it, insist on having sex so often he won't have the capacity to pleasure himself alone! Other than that, I'd recommend dealing with it. I've had mates' girlfriends act crazy and eventually dump them over silly things like this and it is quite silly. Accept it, come to terms with it.

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