My boyfriend looks at videos of other girls on youtube.... :(

**n8208p** · 10-07-2009 11:23 AM

Okay so a few days ago i accidentally came accross a bunch of videos that were all of other girls shaking their sses in thongs... it was a pretty low moment for me. i wasnt sure what to say or what to do so i didnt mention it for a couple of days, even though it was eating at me.

But, last night my boyfriend called me and asked me if we could talk... he asked why i had been distant and why i didnt spend as much time with him as usual. I told him that I really didnt want to have to deal with this and then he told me he knew why i was upset. I asked him if i was supposed to be okay with him looking at videos of other girls and he broke down into tears and told me that i should be angry at him.... I didnt like hearing him that upset, he cried on the phone with me for a good 30 minutes... and apologized a thousand times, told me he didnt want me to see him differently, he wanted me to still be able to trust him, and told me that basically that he loves me, needed me and couldnt lose me...

I told him how hurt i was and how painful it was to know that he needed to look at other girls. So basically, he knows how much damage it did. I also told him that I wasnt asking him to stop. I know that sounds like a mistake but really its logic. I told him i didnt approve, but that i know i cant stop him from doing those things. I told him how much it hurt me to know that he didnt think i was good enough but that it would hurt me worse for him to look at that stuff again someday and hide it from me. He told me he would stop even though i didnt ask him because im more important to him.

Sorry this is long. haha.

So I told him that i needed time and he told me to contact him when i was ready. I love him so much and already miss talking to him. I want things to be the way they were and decided i am giving him a second chance. I just dont know how to go about getting over this. I know he is genuinely sorry, he actually is a very very good guy. He just messed up. Im feeling self concious now though, and insecure about our future. I just am hurt that he would do this to me... I need advice on how to move on, and move past this in the relationship so that things can be good between us again. THANKS SO MUCH!!!

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 10-07-2009 04:30 PM

You know what? I don't think he did anything wrong ... and I know your not going to agree or like me stating that..

Reason? Is he lacking in the love he gives you? Is he watching Porn 24/7 and ignoring you? Or, does he like most men love women and like looking at them, via a magazine or a video, or as they sashay past...

It is your self-concious that is the whole reason why your hurt and upset and insecure, about you.. Not about your future, the guy says he loves you, even cried and states even though you contadict yourself, "you don't have to stop" "I need time, i'm giving him a second chance"... How can he have a second chance if you say don't stop looking then get peeved?

You want to move on? Get past this?

Love yourself... and realise he's with you because he LOVES YOU, he went out with you because HE FOUND YOU ATTRACTIVE, you are his world...

They are "advertising" earning a living, eating nothing and feeling sick most of the time, can't have a proper life, because they have to remain stick thin, get hurt and rejected by guys because they only go out with them for their looks and bodies, feel sorry for them haha.

Seriously.... this is about you love not him at all.

CW

**blowfish** · 10-08-2009 05:49 AM

dont be to hard on him girl, i agree with chandler theres nothing wrong about that,my husband have his own "colection" too, i dont really care cause my brother do that too, lol
sometime man do that because they bored, curious, or just need something to laugh about

as long he dont ignore U because of "that" things, or do something weird because of that, as long he just watching, u dont have to worry

**Miya** · 10-08-2009 05:55 AM

I agree with CW and blowfish. It doesn't seem like a big deal to me. I know my hubby watches stuff online but he's always attentive to me and never get's "whistled out" from his personal "activities." You don't like it and that's your choice but it seems more controlling to try to play with him and get him to stop then allow him his bit of enjoyment. Guys seem to like watching it and I'd imagine even if they had Miss Universe in their bed all to themselves every day they still wouldn't mind seeing the runners-up online in lingerie or baring all.

Just relax and enjoy the attentiveness and care he seems to give you.

**GlitterAndStuds** · 10-08-2009 07:10 AM

I agree too. I can see why it would bother you, but I honestly think it got a wee bit blown out of proportion. We have to face it, any guy who says he doesn't look at stuff like that is either lying or a saint. I'm not a guy and I do it! Haha. From the sounds of it, he cares about you a lot and it's not a personal thing against you. I mean, it could be a lot worse. He could be a total jerk who is looking at AND touching other girls as opposed to just looking at some videos of a girl dancing around.

Cut him a little slack and realize that he does love you and wants no one but you. And maybe work on your self esteem a little. You sound like a great girl who loves him. Don't worry so much

**OhThereYouAre** · 10-08-2009 07:37 AM

At least it wasn't something questionable. And at least its something you can do, too.

Turn this into a positive thing.....remember what the videos were like?
Push him into a chair, put a thong on and shake it for him one night. Tell him, "So this is what you want?" as you grind your butt into his face, lol.

He'll know where to go next time he's frisky for some azz shaking.

**Kallygirlie** · 10-08-2009 08:26 AM

OTYA you crack me up. LOL!!! but he's right. I used to get upset just like you when my man looked at other women. Now, not so much. You gotta realize, most men look at stuff like that for ideas. He may not really be looking at the women, maybe its the idea of whats she's doing. Take notes.

I keep my man interest at all times. I walk naked in the house ALOT and he has yet to stop reacting like he wants to attack me like a wild animal. LOL!!! Heck even with my women problem and he knows my mood is like 0, he still asks why I'm wearing a shirt when I crawl into bed. All this is because I paid attention to what he was looking at. What turned him on.

Men are going to look. At least those women are online and not in person. It could be much much worse. Just because he looks at girls like that doesn't mean hes going to go cheat. Just forget it happened and be with him. He's sorry. As long as he's not depriving you then I wouldn't worry about it.

**AlleyWay** · 10-13-2009 10:41 PM

Yeah you gotta give your guy a break. At least he's not creeping behind you back. Sometimes things in relationships can get blown out of proportion. Be happy that you have a good guy and make a youtube video of yourself and surprise him.

**Miya** · 10-14-2009 05:36 AM

I really think it's only human to look. When I asked my DH about this question he said that it was more enjoyable to look online because he can look everywhere and not be labeled a perv or given some drop dead look or somehow threatened with harassment. It's so different in the US than other countries in this regard. I was used to the ogling and it wasn't a big deal to me.

Plus how many of us don't look at some cute guy somewhere sometime? That's what sunglasses are for.

**n8208p** · 10-14-2009 11:15 AM

Well thats the thing! I told him I wasnt asking him to stop. I know boys do it, I have older brothers and was basically raised with boys... Not gonna lie it was still just kind of an OH moment though, I mean i probably would have watched it with him or done it for him if i had known! But yeah i agree it got blown out of proportion too. I think it got so dramatic because I didnt want to tell him i was okay with it but that i wasnt against it either....Silence creates drama... yuck. But thanks for all the comments, my friends all told me i should be mad, but i agree its clearly something he needs to do and youre right! Its not affecting our relationship

Thanks so much for all of your comments and everything! I appreciate you all.....
Haha now ive gotta go take some notes

Peace!

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