Gigi25

Hi ladies.

I've been running this through my head for too long now, and I desperately need to reach out to others for some opinions. Let me explain my problem.

I've been with my boyfriend for a little over 9 months now. I love him so much, so much more than I have loved anyone before. We have a really happy, healthy relationship. However, there is one thing that I just can't get out of my head.

Around 8 months ago, when we were first dating, I told one of my girl friends something I shouldn't have - that his penis was on the small side and I was worried what our future sex life would be like.

I don't know how ridiculous I'm sounding at this point, but please let me set up the rest of the details...

I told her this intimate detail after my boyfriend and I had "felt" on each other for the first time. I hadn't even seen him naked and we hadn't had any sexual contact of any kind up to that point. So, just from feeling, he seemed to be especially thin (girth) and I was surprised and at the time disappointed. I suppose I just panicked. I had been with two guys sexually before, and they were larger (not huge, just what I thought was average), so I just didn't know what to expect.

Also, at the time I was having all other kinds of doubts about being in a relationship. (I was going through a lot of other stuff at the time), so I think I sort of projected my uncertainty onto this one issue. So, I was just overall feeling kind of in the dumps, and my friend could tell I had a lot on my mind so she kept asking me while we were out for coffee one day, and I just blurted it out. She didn't react strongly, just laughed it off and said it would be okay and we would figure it out later when we became more intimate. I agreed with her and immediately felt stupid and regretted saying such a personal thing about my boyfriend out loud. That night when I went home I was really miserable and mad at myself for being so shallow and cruel. The next day when I saw my friend I tried telling her that I was sorry for being so ridiculous and that it really wasn't a problem, and for her to please just forget about it. She said of course and not to worry about it.

Anyways, after that, I decided it wasn't a big deal and really started to let myself get to know my boyfriend and we just got closer and closer, and it never became an issue, and we as we progressed sexually I found out that there was no problem and I really am attracted to him immensely. I don't even see him as being small anymore. I just decided to not think about what I said, just to be sorry about it and move on.

However, lately feeling guilty about it has resurfaced. It's really the only bad/embarrassing thing I've ever said about him behind his back. It really kills me that I said something that could really hurt him if he knew. I just don't know how to process it, and how to deal with this. I just feel really sorry that I behaved that way, and I honestly don't know why I did.

Any words of advice or sound opinions would be really appreciated. It's really tormenting me.

AloneNtheCrowd

Don't beat yourself up about it so much. It's not like you posted it on Facebook, or told ALL of your friends... It was a new situation, you weren't sure how it would turn out and you confided in a friend...it's ok. A lot of people voice doubts, concerns and general thoughts and questions about a new partner or potienal partner to there close friends. You did the right thing by setting your friend strait and she seemed to be unstanding about it. So I wouldn't worry so much. Just let it go like have been doing... good luck!

caterpillar79

ANC is right. What you did was a minor infraction of trust. But make sure for it not to happen again. Bigger things develop from small ones, you know. If anything, telling your GF about your issues is not that good as well. Be very careful on what to tell and whom to tell. Let this be a lesson and learn from it.

P.S. He doesn't need to know about this incident. And stop beating yourself up.

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CHANDLERS WISH

It's pretty normal to have "girly" chats when you first start dating someone... think about it..

What's happened though is time has moved on and your in a loving relationship and it's kind of eating at you.

What you should do if your still close to this lady, is say in a real jokingly way " remember that time I told you my man was small?"... "not that I'm going to tell you about our sex life, but I was thinking about it the other day and had a giggle to myself, so if you ever go out with someone and feel through jeans? All I can say is don't judge until you've seen it for real"... lesson I learn't.. and then change the subject..

CW

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happy ending

i think you are worrying unnessarily and that your girlfriend has probably forgotten all about it, but by all means take CW's suggestion. it will probably make you feel a whole lot better. honestly if that is the worse thing you have said about him, with all your doubts and issues, you must be having a good time together. Maybe just a lesson for future.

OhThereYouAre

Well. I'm sure you learned a valuable lesson.

Things like that always seem to come back and bite you in the .

Lol - what if he told all his friends he thought you were loose?

I wouldn't worry about it. I just hope your friend doesnt' have a big mouth!

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caterpillar79

That could be a thing to be concerned of.

........runs away


OTYA, I didn't think about that. I hope he said it was tight!

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kms

Well, worrying about it now won't change anything - it happened and you can't take it back. Plus, saying it before you really knew him vs saying it NOW that you're in a commited relationship are two different things. Saying it now would be a big betrayal, whereas then you hardly knew him and you said yourself you just felt it through his jeans - so it's easy to dismiss it by saying you were mistaken.

Definitely just resolve to learn from it and do better next time. I think caterpillar made a good point - think carefully about what you reveal to others... would you want them knowing this info later on? Would you regret it? Would they really help you by knowing? There's a saying that goes something like always remember that your best friend could one day become your worst enemy, so be careful what you reveal to them.