I'm a little psychotic. Yay! - Page 2

**Mes_T** · 10-28-2009, 08:42 PM

Good advice guys, thanks! Okay. Think before you speak, then. And sometimes... think a LOT before you speak, and if you must speak then try it on someone besides the boyfriend first!

Alexandra · 10-29-2009, 04:07 AM

I think a lot of the women here gave really good advice about trusting and opening up. Maybe it's just me, but am I the only one who isn't completely on that wagon? Call me cynical or jealous, but I think I'd be concerned too if my boyfriend was "close" with members of the opposite sex. Or if he neglected something with me for them (though it does depend on the amount of time you two have been dating). I mean, having members of the opposite sex is fine (everyone does), but a lot of them? And what about that time spent alone? As good as it is to trust your boyfriend, I'd stay keenly aware of warning signs and gut instincts as well. Of course, if you don't have good reason to be jealous or angry and if it's a problem, then just learn to breathe. But don't become so focused on "not being the psycho girlfriend" that you get taken advantage of.

I dunno. Friends with the opposite sex is tricky...

**Mes_T** · 11-01-2009, 05:39 PM

I've been thinking about your post, Alexandra. Ugh, it's so hard sometimes to find a balance between being too accepting and too... cautious!

Okay, so... this might become a problem, and soon, if I don't find a way to communicate to him exactly what is going through my head.

Last weekend, I basically ditched him and his friends (most of whom were girls) to hang out with MY friends, and he got pretty upset about it. There were two reasons I didn't go with him:

1) I wasn't in the mood that night to be the only one who didn't know everyone else, and
2) I just really didn't want to be surrounded by him and a bunch of girls, NOT because I don't trust him or his friends, but because those situations inevitably remind me of the hurtful things I've suffered in the past.

I only explained the first reason to him because I know if I try to explain the second, he'll just think I'm a weirdo with too much emotional baggage or something!

But I'm not... right?? This is a fairly common concern... RIGHT??

I want to talk to him fully tonight, just lay it all out on the table. Good idea?

**AlleyWay** · 11-01-2009, 08:53 PM

That's natural the way you feel. But you can't hide your feelings from him. Let him know about your past relationships and how it makes you feel. It's nothing wrong with your SO other having friends of the opposite sex but they have to know that you come first and as long as that is established then you should be fine.

**Mes_T** · 11-03-2009, 07:38 PM

Ugh, I still haven't brought it up. I just feel like there's never really a good time to do so... And this week it's just been eating at me and affecting the way I act around him.

Last evening I was all ready to go out for a quick dinner with him (we both had other things to do later in the evening, so this was our chance to just chat and catch up)... and then one of his female friends called and asked to have dinner, so the three of us ended up going out. And I started acting all introverted because of all these little insecurities I have... I started noticing all these little things, that probably don't really matter, but I did anyway! Like how he sat across from her at the table at both places we were at instead of next to or across from me...

UGH. The more I fall for this guy, the more possessive I get, and the more I start imagining things that probably aren't there.

Oi... wow this has got to change.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 11-03-2009, 08:02 PM

What are you afraid of?

People come into our lives for a reason yes? And, we mostly don't end up with the first guy we go out with in our lives, let alone the second, third. But each relationship we entertain, is a learning curb for the next time. In-fact life is a learning curb and as we grow, we begin to understand things a bit better... and it makes life easier to deal with situations having already dealt with them.

So with that in mind, who knows if this is "it"... The only "it" you want in your life forever is one whom will not cheat on you right?

So, that being the case, you let them do what ever they want to do, be with who ever they want to be with in total "Trust" as other's have said. But, here's the catch, knowing one thing... You are important. You are worth gold.. So, if they do cheat, they are out the door. Next.....

Change your way of thinking. Your afraid of getting hurt and as such, you will let jealousy manifest into creating problems in your relationships and ending with breakups. If they cheat, then remember, your gold, (seeya) and move along.... with your head held high and say well, I was trusting and giving and that guy isn't the one for me....

But, It's also important that you have "common ground rules -called "respect" ", the only time a guy should sleep over his "platonical girlfriend's place" is if they had all been out, he can't afford a taxi, certainly can't drive and needs a lounge to get the alcohol out of his system ....

If you don't have some form of "respect" for the relationship in terms of your not single anymore so that's not respectful, then your also asking for trouble as well.

You can't trust if there's no respect given back to you.

CW

**Mes_T** · 11-03-2009, 08:12 PM

Thanks CW... you're absolutely right... I just need to TRUST people, and if something goes wrong then it's their loss. I try to remind myself of that, and I'd like to think it's getting through my thick skull at least bit by bit.

I guess I'm just afraid of not being as important to him as I want to be, and also of course of finding out about little cheating things. For example, my long-term ex-boyfriend later admitted to kissing a girl, and to telling his ex that he loved her, and to flirting with a bunch of girls in his class (back when he was in college)... These are all the things that I get reminded of, even though nothing bad has happened with this one.

Alright. I need to chill out. And trust. And be confident. Being around my friends really helps that. Maybe next time he wants us to hang out with all his girl friends, I'll invite my people along as well.

11-03-2009, 08:02 PM	#16
CHANDLERS WISH WH Moderator Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Australia Posts: 9,939 Blog Entries: 7	What are you afraid of? People come into our lives for a reason yes? And, we mostly don't end up with the first guy we go out with in our lives, let alone the second, third. But each relationship we entertain, is a learning curb for the next time. In-fact life is a learning curb and as we grow, we begin to understand things a bit better... and it makes life easier to deal with situations having already dealt with them. So with that in mind, who knows if this is "it"... The only "it" you want in your life forever is one whom will not cheat on you right? So, that being the case, you let them do what ever they want to do, be with who ever they want to be with in total "Trust" as other's have said. But, here's the catch, knowing one thing... You are important. You are worth gold.. So, if they do cheat, they are out the door. Next..... Change your way of thinking. Your afraid of getting hurt and as such, you will let jealousy manifest into creating problems in your relationships and ending with breakups. If they cheat, then remember, your gold, (seeya) and move along.... with your head held high and say well, I was trusting and giving and that guy isn't the one for me.... But, It's also important that you have "common ground rules -called "respect" ", the only time a guy should sleep over his "platonical girlfriend's place" is if they had all been out, he can't afford a taxi, certainly can't drive and needs a lounge to get the alcohol out of his system .... If you don't have some form of "respect" for the relationship in terms of your not single anymore so that's not respectful, then your also asking for trouble as well. You can't trust if there's no respect given back to you. CW __________________ Do we not realise that in order to find a soul It doesn't happen over night if truth were to be told Like everything in life that's hard to achieve you must believe! Register! \| Rules/FAQ \| Contact Mod

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10-28-2009, 08:42 PM	#11
Mes_T Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 202	Good advice guys, thanks! Okay. Think before you speak, then. And sometimes... think a LOT before you speak, and if you must speak then try it on someone besides the boyfriend first!

10-29-2009, 04:07 AM	#12
Alexandra Junior Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: San Diego, California Posts: 14	I think a lot of the women here gave really good advice about trusting and opening up. Maybe it's just me, but am I the only one who isn't completely on that wagon? Call me cynical or jealous, but I think I'd be concerned too if my boyfriend was "close" with members of the opposite sex. Or if he neglected something with me for them (though it does depend on the amount of time you two have been dating). I mean, having members of the opposite sex is fine (everyone does), but a lot of them? And what about that time spent alone? As good as it is to trust your boyfriend, I'd stay keenly aware of warning signs and gut instincts as well. Of course, if you don't have good reason to be jealous or angry and if it's a problem, then just learn to breathe. But don't become so focused on "not being the psycho girlfriend" that you get taken advantage of. I dunno. Friends with the opposite sex is tricky...

11-01-2009, 05:39 PM	#13
Mes_T Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 202	I've been thinking about your post, Alexandra. Ugh, it's so hard sometimes to find a balance between being too accepting and too... cautious! Okay, so... this might become a problem, and soon, if I don't find a way to communicate to him exactly what is going through my head. Last weekend, I basically ditched him and his friends (most of whom were girls) to hang out with MY friends, and he got pretty upset about it. There were two reasons I didn't go with him: 1) I wasn't in the mood that night to be the only one who didn't know everyone else, and 2) I just really didn't want to be surrounded by him and a bunch of girls, NOT because I don't trust him or his friends, but because those situations inevitably remind me of the hurtful things I've suffered in the past. I only explained the first reason to him because I know if I try to explain the second, he'll just think I'm a weirdo with too much emotional baggage or something! But I'm not... right?? This is a fairly common concern... RIGHT?? I want to talk to him fully tonight, just lay it all out on the table. Good idea?

11-01-2009, 08:53 PM	#14
AlleyWay VIP Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Posts: 50	That's natural the way you feel. But you can't hide your feelings from him. Let him know about your past relationships and how it makes you feel. It's nothing wrong with your SO other having friends of the opposite sex but they have to know that you come first and as long as that is established then you should be fine.

11-03-2009, 07:38 PM	#15
Mes_T Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 202	Ugh, I still haven't brought it up. I just feel like there's never really a good time to do so... And this week it's just been eating at me and affecting the way I act around him. Last evening I was all ready to go out for a quick dinner with him (we both had other things to do later in the evening, so this was our chance to just chat and catch up)... and then one of his female friends called and asked to have dinner, so the three of us ended up going out. And I started acting all introverted because of all these little insecurities I have... I started noticing all these little things, that probably don't really matter, but I did anyway! Like how he sat across from her at the table at both places we were at instead of next to or across from me... UGH. The more I fall for this guy, the more possessive I get, and the more I start imagining things that probably aren't there. Oi... wow this has got to change.

11-03-2009, 08:12 PM	#17
Mes_T Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 202	Thanks CW... you're absolutely right... I just need to TRUST people, and if something goes wrong then it's their loss. I try to remind myself of that, and I'd like to think it's getting through my thick skull at least bit by bit. I guess I'm just afraid of not being as important to him as I want to be, and also of course of finding out about little cheating things. For example, my long-term ex-boyfriend later admitted to kissing a girl, and to telling his ex that he loved her, and to flirting with a bunch of girls in his class (back when he was in college)... These are all the things that I get reminded of, even though nothing bad has happened with this one. Alright. I need to chill out. And trust. And be confident. Being around my friends really helps that. Maybe next time he wants us to hang out with all his girl friends, I'll invite my people along as well.