'Foreign affair'

Aubrey · 10-27-2009, 05:50 PM

So, I am in a long distance relationship, where he is in my home country where I will soon come to live again for the sake of college and I am on his native island were we met eachother.

I've always wanted to persue my studies in a different part of the world, where I could expand my knowledge about the world and experience another culture firsthand.
I always promised myself that If this opportunity presented itself to me, I'd grab it.

I always resented having to go back to my country where everything is familliar, where I speak the language, etc.

But when I spoke to him today about my ambitions, he told me that if I really wanted to go, I should.
But I could hear that he was crying.
He isn't one to cry,
ever.

I have untill the summer untill I'll be able to see him daily and maybe move in with him eventually (I wanted to live alone for my first year)

We've both been pining for that moment, but I still see little villages in China in the back of my mind.

Should I go?
Or should I stay?

Going would basically mean losing him, since it would in total be 6 years of long distance, and as much as I love him, I dont think that would work out too well.

Staying would mean that I might never have the option to explore a culture the way I would if I'd do my studies in that country.

...
I'm a bit lost..

**Mes_T** · 10-27-2009, 09:20 PM

You just have to decide which one is more important: this guy, or your own personal experiences and growth.

At this point in your life, I'm guessing that the latter might be more important. Anyway, there's a possibility that you might resent him in the future for changing your life's plans like that. But then again, my best friend is the type to do ANYTHING for love.

It depends on you... I would talk to as many people as possible about this situation to get a whole variety of input!

Aubrey · 10-28-2009, 06:28 AM

That's basically why I came here, since I know my friends wouldn't be too much of a help, not wanting to say anything about the situation.

I'm not quite sure which one I would regret more in the long run since they're both important to me.

**Beautiful Disaster** · 10-28-2009, 07:59 AM

If you long to travel like that, I would not pass up that opportunity if I were you. First of all, if the man truly loves you, he will understand your desires and be there when you're done. When men and women are in the army, navy, marines etc their loved ones go long periods of time without them, but they often stay together despite the distance because they know it's temporary.

If the travel means losing him, then I'd be prepared to lose him.....because something worth keeping shouldn't be so easily lost.

**WildChild** · 10-28-2009, 09:35 AM

How old you both?
How long have you know each other?

It sounds like you really love and care for each other but it also sounds like you will have to give up pretty much everything else you want or at least having it the way you wanted, to stay with him. You are the only one who can decide what is the most important.

You must consider the long term picture; how might you feel in 10 years? Which would you regret losing more; him or the multi-cultural education and the opportunity to live on your own for at least a year? If the situation were reversed and he was the one making the choice - would he give up his dreams for you? Is there any way the two of you can rethink this and create a new, mutual dream?

**prawnprincess** · 10-28-2009, 11:50 AM

I'm not sure how long you two have been together (literally or figuratively), but from what I read, it seems like maybe it's too soon to give up your dreams based on the relationship.

**kms** · 10-29-2009, 10:41 PM

Why does it have to be 6 years? Why not go for a year or so, and then come back? Plus, is he planning on staying in your country forever, or is he returning to China at some point? If both are so important to you, why not try to find a compromise in which you could have both? Just a thought anyway.

Aubrey · 11-02-2009, 05:06 PM

Thank you all so much for your help and opinions, its given me things to consider. You were all very helpful.

We've known eachother for 6 years, and we've been dating about a year now.
I am pretty sure that if I left him I'd regret it forever because there arnt many people that fit together as well as we do.
I decided that I'd stay and that maybe after our studies we'll live somewhere else together for a year or so.

Thanks again! you've all been very helpful

10-27-2009, 05:50 PM	#1
Aubrey Junior Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 14	'Foreign affair' So, I am in a long distance relationship, where he is in my home country where I will soon come to live again for the sake of college and I am on his native island were we met eachother. I've always wanted to persue my studies in a different part of the world, where I could expand my knowledge about the world and experience another culture firsthand. I always promised myself that If this opportunity presented itself to me, I'd grab it. I always resented having to go back to my country where everything is familliar, where I speak the language, etc. But when I spoke to him today about my ambitions, he told me that if I really wanted to go, I should. But I could hear that he was crying. He isn't one to cry, ever. I have untill the summer untill I'll be able to see him daily and maybe move in with him eventually (I wanted to live alone for my first year) We've both been pining for that moment, but I still see little villages in China in the back of my mind. Should I go? Or should I stay? Going would basically mean losing him, since it would in total be 6 years of long distance, and as much as I love him, I dont think that would work out too well. Staying would mean that I might never have the option to explore a culture the way I would if I'd do my studies in that country. ... I'm a bit lost..

10-28-2009, 09:35 AM	#5
WildChild Gold Contributor 500+ Posts Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Western USA Posts: 6,223 Blog Entries: 5	How old you both? How long have you know each other? It sounds like you really love and care for each other but it also sounds like you will have to give up pretty much everything else you want or at least having it the way you wanted, to stay with him. You are the only one who can decide what is the most important. You must consider the long term picture; how might you feel in 10 years? Which would you regret losing more; him or the multi-cultural education and the opportunity to live on your own for at least a year? If the situation were reversed and he was the one making the choice - would he give up his dreams for you? Is there any way the two of you can rethink this and create a new, mutual dream? __________________ We can only learn to love by loving. Iris Mudoch, British writer

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10-27-2009, 09:20 PM	#2
Mes_T Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 202	You just have to decide which one is more important: this guy, or your own personal experiences and growth. At this point in your life, I'm guessing that the latter might be more important. Anyway, there's a possibility that you might resent him in the future for changing your life's plans like that. But then again, my best friend is the type to do ANYTHING for love. It depends on you... I would talk to as many people as possible about this situation to get a whole variety of input!

10-28-2009, 06:28 AM	#3
Aubrey Junior Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 14	That's basically why I came here, since I know my friends wouldn't be too much of a help, not wanting to say anything about the situation. I'm not quite sure which one I would regret more in the long run since they're both important to me.

10-28-2009, 07:59 AM	#4
Beautiful Disaster Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: United States - Kentucky Posts: 337	If you long to travel like that, I would not pass up that opportunity if I were you. First of all, if the man truly loves you, he will understand your desires and be there when you're done. When men and women are in the army, navy, marines etc their loved ones go long periods of time without them, but they often stay together despite the distance because they know it's temporary. If the travel means losing him, then I'd be prepared to lose him.....because something worth keeping shouldn't be so easily lost.

10-28-2009, 11:50 AM	#6
prawnprincess VIP Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: USA Posts: 43	I'm not sure how long you two have been together (literally or figuratively), but from what I read, it seems like maybe it's too soon to give up your dreams based on the relationship.

10-29-2009, 10:41 PM	#7
kms Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Indiana Posts: 256	Why does it have to be 6 years? Why not go for a year or so, and then come back? Plus, is he planning on staying in your country forever, or is he returning to China at some point? If both are so important to you, why not try to find a compromise in which you could have both? Just a thought anyway.

11-02-2009, 05:06 PM	#8
Aubrey Junior Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 14	Thank you all so much for your help and opinions, its given me things to consider. You were all very helpful. We've known eachother for 6 years, and we've been dating about a year now. I am pretty sure that if I left him I'd regret it forever because there arnt many people that fit together as well as we do. I decided that I'd stay and that maybe after our studies we'll live somewhere else together for a year or so. Thanks again! you've all been very helpful