kygirl

I feel like I might know the answer, but I guess I just need confirmation.

So the boy and I have been dating for 4 months ish. The last two weeks, I know he's had a lot going on personally but I kinda feel like it's been the final nail in the coffin. I have spoken to him once and phone in almost two weeks. He mentioned then (last Saturday) that we'd try to get together early in the week and I never heard from him.

I followed up with him about his mom issues (see previous post "there's more to the story") and he let me know she was doing well, etc even though he told me previously he'd let me know what he found out Tuesday night (no call or email) and I finally emailed Thursday.

Dont' get me wrong, I understand stress, I have too much $*)# going on myself so I know he is overwhelmed, but he is still making plans to see friends (he is going to a concert tonight). I just feel like, no matter what, plain and simple, if you really want to see someone, you just do it. And if you can't you at least try to call or let them know that you wish you could. And he's just not making me feel that way anymore.

Rather than go through the whole "whats up" conversation, I feel like it's best if I just give him a couple weeks, see if he contacts me and if not, to move on. I hate that bc I feel like 4 months in, regardless, with as much as we know about each other, you should tell someone you don't want to see them. I do want to see him, but I just can't keep fighting to be with someone who I feel may not know what they want right now.

We're in late 20s. I don't worry much about marriage by any means but I just think continuing to try so hard to see him is not beneficial to reaching any relationship goals. He's a nice guy so I'm sure he wouldn't want to "hurt" me or whatever, which I think would just prolong the inevitable.

SO...should I stay or should I go? I don't want to walk away too soon, but I don't want to beat a dead horse either. I do have respect for myself and think I deserve someone who wants to be with and makes it known even when they can't be.

(if you need more info, please ask...just trying to kinda put down what's going through my head)

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It is discouraging how many people are shocked by honesty and how few by deceit.--Noel Coward

pretzel

"I do have respect for myself and think I deserve someone who wants to be with and makes it known even when they can't be."

If I may, that sounds like your answer.

Haven

That seems fair.

He might call you because of this. If the chemistry between you two fades and he keeps calling, he's just keeping his options open - that's the point at which to break up with him.

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A chance to do good

OhThereYouAre

You answered your own question.

Good luck to you.

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'If you think you can or you can't, you're probably right..."

"It is discouraging how many people are shocked by honesty and how few by deceit..."

"People who lack the sense to question Big Lies always end up in deep trouble..."

"I don't worry about pointing fingers in the past...i operate under the assumption that every saint has a past and every sinner has a future..."

"Build the life you want and then find someone to share it with, someone who fits where you are and where you are going..."

Tex

There's your answer.

kygirl

Thanks guys. I just needed to know I was thinking the right way. A little confirmation never hurts.

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It is discouraging how many people are shocked by honesty and how few by deceit.--Noel Coward

kms

Hi kygirl,

Maybe it's just me, but I think communication is the best way to go. Just explain what it seems like is going on (ie he doesn't seem that into you), and see what he says. It's better to know than to make assumptions and then act on those assumptions that may not be correct... then he might be left wondering what happened.

dr.mansview

usually when couples first start dating is the time they tend to spend a lot of time together..to get to know each other..that doesn't seem to be happening here..sounds like he has lost interest..maybe you should do the same
p.s.- his name perchance isn't jared?

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a smart man learns from his mistakes..a wise man learns from the mistakes of others..

baja

As everyone has pointed out, you've already answered your question, definitely move on if you don't see a future in it.

You know, since you have been dating him for only 4 months, I was waiting for you to say that you have some other guys waiting to step into the picture. Of course everyone is different, but when dating, for me anything in the 0-4 month phase usually means that I'm not that exclusive. Once a relationship gets 4-6+ months that suggests a person of real quality has been found and things become far more or entirely exclusive. A fringe benefit is that women who recognize they have competition will step it up if they are really interested or fade-away if they are not.

So, either 1) he's really not that into you or 2) he doesn't see any competition and therefore takes you for granted. If you think it could be the latter, you may want to change-up how you're playing the game.

Hopeless Dork

Follow your heart and your gut instincts. If he's pushing you away passive aggressively ... ie ignoring your calls, changing plans etc not innitiating time together, you might want to start weaning yourself off of him and finding other ways to spend your time.

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Defintion of Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." - Albert Einstein