kygirl

My BFF has a brother... Her mom mentioned in the past that maybe she should hook he and I up. We both seem to date people who either end up being bad for us or can't seem to find someone that will treat us well in general. She told her mom it was a horrible idea...

Fast forward to this weekend... we all went out and my BFFs husband mentioned that I should talk to her brother...going on how nice he is and how well he'd treat me, etc. I told him that my BFF would FLIP out if I even considered the idea...

Now, I have considered the idea. Her brother is nice. When I first met him, he didn't seem to have clear goals, etc but over the last two years that's really changed. We actually have a lot in common. We like movies, the outdoors, traveling. We like a lot of the same kinds of music and obviously his family likes me because her family is almost like my family. And he's made it very clear to everyone that he likes me and finds me attractive...

Do I just do what I've been doing and let it go? We've been talking some off and on via email/text lately. Nothing suggestive or inappropriate, just keeping in touch more than he and I used to. I"m kind of using it as an opportunity to gauge whether I'm crazy about thinking it would maybe be worth while.

BUT part of me feels like I should just let it go entirely. Mainly because I would never want to hurt my BFF or cause our friendship to suffer. We all dating is a gamble, and dating in this situation could be like Russian Roulette. He's also quite a few years younger than I am.

Thoughts?

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It is discouraging how many people are shocked by honesty and how few by deceit.--Noel Coward

LanaBear

With all the suggestions from everybody around you, what has she ever said?

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Sometimes life isn't the party we hoped for, but since we're here, we might as well DANCE!

kygirl

Her concern and I understand it, is that 1) he's younger and 2) that if something happens then it'll mess up our friendship. She hasn't had a ton of close, dependable friends in her life. It's kind of like I am hers. I am her friend and it's not right for anyone to maybe mess that up.

Her mom mentioned it to her, not so much to me, in a convo and she told me about it (this was maybe 7 or 8 months ago). She has told me that her brother likes me. I told her she was crazy but I know he does. He goes out of his way if I need him to help with things or if he knows we need a DD or hears we are all hanging out to be there. I'm not sure how seriously he's thought about it recently. We've never discussed. Her husband told me the other night that she'd be fine with it and I told him that she before has said no she wouldn't be. I'm not sure of her stance otherwise... Her brother is 22 btw. Hence some of the age questions prior...

__________________
It is discouraging how many people are shocked by honesty and how few by deceit.--Noel Coward

LanaBear

Everybody is an adult, at this stage, if the attraction is there, go for it. Even if it is to just get out and enjoy yourself.

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Sometimes life isn't the party we hoped for, but since we're here, we might as well DANCE!

KMonte85

I think if you're both single, he likes you, you like him, and your BFF has warmed up to the idea - then go for it! It could turn into something fantastic, only time will tell

HOWEVER, the "girl-talk" between you and your BFF that revolves around relationships should probably change when you're talking about her brother. She doesn't need to and probably doesn't WANT to hear all the usual girl-talk stuff about her sibling! I sure wouldn't want to hear anything about my friend's relationship if she was dating my brother (eWWw!).

And if there is a breakup down the line - also nix the venting to her about it. That *IS* her brother after all. She doesn't need to hear it (and again, probably doesn't want to!)

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When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.

Tex

Good points!

You're all grown adults and I don't think you dating her brother should change anything between you and her, but do watch out with what you say to her about him, good or bad.

kygirl

Oh I definitely wouldn't be giving her the details and of course, he would have to agree to do the same. I think it would have to be betwen the two of us and exclusive of she and I.

I guess I just worry about whether it would be weird if he and I started hanging out. I mean, I honestly don't know that I want to jump right into dating him. I'd kinda like to spend more time with him before making that decision, but not sure what to say to her when she finds out we've been hanging out?

I mean, how would you approach that issue?? I don't want it to seem like I'm being shady about the situation or anything...

__________________
It is discouraging how many people are shocked by honesty and how few by deceit.--Noel Coward

LanaBear

You definitely don't want to not tell her, that would start everything off on the wrong foot. Just be straight with her, maybe ask her what she is doing over the weekend, when she asks the same, say, well I'm going to dinner with (insert brothers name here).

I think it is also important that you don't refer to him as 'your brother', you know? Only refer to him by name, it may help take some of the relationship between the two of them out of it.

__________________
Sometimes life isn't the party we hoped for, but since we're here, we might as well DANCE!

KMonte85

It's perfectly fine to just hang out at first too, just to get to know e/o before anything more serious is discussed. That might even be the best way instead of just jumping into "dating" the guy!

If you're friend has already told you her bro likes you, could you bring that convo up again to her? Like, "hey, remember a few months back when you said your brother liked me? Well, I've been thinking about that and ..." so on and so forth. Mention that you think he is a great guy and you would like to spend some time getting to know him. She will probably be a little taken back at first. It might also help to reassure her that in NO WAY will this affect your friendship with her, since that seems to be her biggest problem with the situation. And it should not affect how you feel about her, just like any other relationship you have - she is your BFF regardless of who you are dating! That might help her ease into the idea that it is okay!

__________________
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.

kygirl

Well I kinda would have to say his name and then "your brother" because I have two friends by the same name...so she'd already ask me which one and then there is no real way to get around it without "your brother"... Maybe I could invite him to do some group things for a bit? Maybe ask him to go to a movie with a group of us or something? She might not be able to go so I'd still get to spend some time with him without her being around but also without it seeming so obvious??

Then maybe it would make more sense if we went somewhere alone? My goal is to kind of get to spend more time with him in different environments to see how it goes. I don't want to even have to worry about her maybe having to get used to the idea if it ends up being a bad one.

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It is discouraging how many people are shocked by honesty and how few by deceit.--Noel Coward