should i stay or leave

**zaab** · 11-13-2009 04:46 PM

Hi everyone i am new on this site and i just need some good advice as i am so confused with my life at the moment,

i have been in a relationship for the past 6 years and everything worked out well we spent lot of time together and in general the relationship was good but then came the time where i needed more then just going out on casual dates i wanted to know where i stand with this guy. so i asked but he did not answer he stayed quiet so i thought i will give him some more time to consider and sooner or later we will talk, but i have been waiting for years now i have tried to bring up the subject but he just ignores it and start talking about other things,
this has been going on for ever now he just does not want to talk about it even if i get angry or cry but he just stayes quiet, i stopped seeing him but he calls and dont giveup, he says he cannot let me go but he never wants to talk about the relationship,
i love him very much and don't want to hurt him and myself but i dont know what else to do i need to know where i stand with him otherwise i just cannot see myself with him anymore its hard to let go
the sad thing is he is so good to me otherwise an i know he loves me but then why does he not want to talk about our future i have been a good friend to him even asked him what the problem is maybe we can solve it together but again no answer
what should i do just leave or ignore him for sometime as he is very confident i wont leave him no matter what.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 11-13-2009 05:02 PM

He is very confident you won't leave him, no matter what because you don't.

He doesn't reply because he is happy with the relationship just the way it is "casual'.

What you need to ask yourself is "what do you deserve?".

A casual relationship is not a "relationship" it's "friends with benefits"...

6 years is a long time to waste isn't it?

Some men are happy in a "comfort" zone and not having to deal with anything else, just comfort. Some, don't want commitment, aren't interested in marriage, or children.

You two can't even communicate, he shuts down, refuses because what is he mean't to say? Love you as a person but that's all... Happy the way it is, but it will never go any further...

The moment he says that your gone.

So, by saying nothing, he's confident that you'll stay in "HOPE".

CW

**LanaBear** · 11-13-2009 05:07 PM

6 years is a long time to be in a relationship and not talk about what your future may or may not hold with the man in your life.

He's happy and content, you haven't given him a reason to make a decision because you let him call you back.

You deserve a decision, you deserve a commitment, don't sale yourself short. He needs to provide what you need or you both need to come to a mutual understanding to either be together status quo or move on with your life.

**ThexMrs** · 11-13-2009 06:21 PM

Originally Posted by CHANDLERS WISH

He is very confident you won't leave him, no matter what because you don't.

He doesn't reply because he is happy with the relationship just the way it is "casual'.

What you need to ask yourself is "what do you deserve?".

A casual relationship is not a "relationship" it's "friends with benefits"...

6 years is a long time to waste isn't it?

Some men are happy in a "comfort" zone and not having to deal with anything else, just comfort. Some, don't want commitment, aren't interested in marriage, or children.

You two can't even communicate, he shuts down, refuses because what is he mean't to say? Love you as a person but that's all... Happy the way it is, but it will never go any further...

The moment he says that your gone.

So, by saying nothing, he's confident that you'll stay in "HOPE".

CW

I really couldn't have said it better myself.

This has happened to me though I didn't wait 6 years. So far it's been 17 months. I'm still waiting and still hoping. The thing is, I didn't give up. I said WE WILL TALK about this or by your choice (not communicating) I will leave. He finally opened up and we reached a whole new level. You just have to stand firm. If you say you're done, be done. Don't talk to him. You're only giving him more ammunition to keep things the way that they are. I know that you love him and he knows that you love him which is why he feels he doesn't need to say anything. Honey, I know exactly how you feel. You really only have a couple of options. 1. Leave and leave for good or 2. Put up with it though it's not what you deserve. If he isn't willing to talk then you don't have that 3rd option.

**jaygirlweek96** · 11-19-2009 01:34 PM

I would say you explain things to him. if he is still not ready to commit, then you leave. I know its easier said than done because i have been there. But along the line, i think the earlier you go the better

**csuth** · 11-02-2010 02:35 AM

Have you asked him why he doesn't want to talk about the future or marriage? Some people can me afraid of commitement.

If I were you I would up and leave him and not talk to him as hard as it may be you won't get any further in the relationship with him acting so childish.

**lizzardb63** · 11-02-2010 07:07 AM

I was with someone for 4 years who wouldn't discuss the future. It finally came down to cutting it off. I realized I was just spinning my wheels. Best decision because I was able to move on with my life and find someone who is happy with committment. Yes, it hurt like , but time heals all things and your situation doesn't sound healthy.

**WildChild** · 11-02-2010 09:58 AM

This thread is a year old and the Op has never been back.
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