Age difference has become an issue for me after 5 years :(

**WildChild** · 11-16-2009 04:15 PM

I think now you are getting to the real issue. And this does sound like behavior that would get too old long before he does.

**SecretlySad** · 11-16-2009 04:22 PM

Yes, I am ashamed to admit that our communication has always been pretty atrocious...

We have a tendancy to pretend issues aren't there. We both KNOW they are, but we ignore it. Then one day for example he will just blow up at me and I will have no idea what the problem is, because he has been holding it in. It is eggshell city at our place - I am very sensitive so he is careful what he says to me, and he can be very agressive (only verbally) or shut down so I am careful what I say to him.

This is a big issue, but the age thing is what is troubling me the most now. For example as I said in my first post, I don't WANT to be working for nearly 2 decades more than him, I am just simply not comfortable with that.

**SecretlySad** · 11-16-2009 04:37 PM

Originally Posted by rcoreyus

I wish I could put a positive spin on this the way other people have done, but I can't. Certainly it is hard to predict, but it is likely that some day you will need to take care of him in his old age. You will resent it, even though you love him, and he will know he is a burden however much you lie and tell him that he isn't.

Thanks for your answer, rcoreyus.

This pretty much sums up what I am feeling at the moment. We have only been together for 5 years and I am already feeling a little resentment towards him. When he talks about his motorbike riding, nightclubbing, carefree 20's I become insanely jealous, wishing that I had spent mine being a little more reckless and thinking more about me rather than others.

See, I haven't been single (give or take a few months in between) since I was 16 years old (3 long term relationships including this one), and I don't know if that is a good or a bad thing. It has been serious serious serious all the way for me. Some say everyone needs their "me time", others say I should think myself lucky that I have always had someone there to love and care for me. I don't know what to think.

**WildChild** · 11-16-2009 04:44 PM

This just doesn't sound good. You need to get out on your own for a few years, have some fun, spread your wings, no eggshells to worry about. Are you financially dependant?

**SecretlySad** · 11-16-2009 04:56 PM

Originally Posted by WildChild

This just doesn't sound good. You need to get out on your own for a few years, have some fun, spread your wings, no eggshells to worry about. Are you financially dependant?

No not at all.

A lot of people seem to think that I am with him because I am not financially independant, but I learnt from a very young age how to take care of myself. I have only borrowed money once in my life, and that was off my parents for a dental appointment lol

You think never being single has affected me? I don't want to wake up one day and realise I am one of these women who HAS to always have a man around and has allowed herself to be defined by others/her relationships.

**WildChild** · 11-16-2009 05:03 PM

I have seen so many women who are carrying themselves and a man without somehow realizing they could just carry themselves.
You grow in different ways on your own.

**SecretlySad** · 11-16-2009 05:14 PM

Originally Posted by WildChild

I have seen so many women who are carrying themselves and a man without somehow realizing they could just carry themselves.
You grow in different ways on your own.

Yes I have come to see that... I swear every major decision in my life I have had to run by someone else - if not my boyfriend, my parents when I was still living at home. I must admit it'd be nice to just wake up and say right, I am going to do this today without having to talk to/compromise with anyone about it.

But why do I feel so bad for seeing all this stuff now? For maturing?

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 11-16-2009 05:19 PM

Because we grow and mature and learn.

Every person that enters our life does so for a reason. Perhaps you weren't ready to go it alone, perhaps you've realised your own independence finally and can cope with that thought. You seem to doubt that you can do it, yet, you state "seeing all this stuff now", which shows you can do it.

Every person also grows in life.. Each 5 years we change, 10 even more so and with all the wisdom and knowledge we gain makes us yet again, stronger and indeed a different person in that growth.

It's your life. We have one. Live it the way you desire and then someone will enter it in the same sphrere that you are currently in at that time.

CW

**SecretlySad** · 11-16-2009 05:41 PM

Yes it happens, but it's just not fair.

Am I honestly going to have to a break a man - a man I love's - heart because I have changed, because I have realised I want space and time to grow on my own, because I would rather not have him all than resent him in the future? Because the way I feel right now I believe I am not giving anything at all to our relationship?

Any other man may take these reasons and accept them, but not him. He'll think it's all hippy rubbish. But I guess all I can do is be honest, right?

Aargh, I hate this.

**caterpillar79** · 11-16-2009 06:41 PM

Tell him how you feel. Be honest about it, and be ready to deal with all the repercussions on both your ends. He is selfish if he will not respect your wishes. You need to explore more, since that is how you feel - and that is all that matters, besides, it is your life. It is your choice.

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