In love with an inmate

**SomiticPit** · 12-03-2009 10:15 AM

I have fallen in love with an inmate. There's really not much more to it than that, I guess, because everything I have realized about loving an inmate is incredibly simple.

I actually met him when I was seventeen. We dated for almost a year. We went eight months straight and on and off for the last bit of it. When I was eighteen, I ended up getting pregnant with his child, and because I was young and still living with my dad and going to school, I decided it wasn't the right time to have a baby. That broke his heart, because he wanted me to keep it. I think in a lot of ways he saw our relationship as something good in his life, and he saw a baby as something to live for and something to save him. He always was having a difficult time with his emotions and was easy to get into trouble. That's why he is where he is now.

Anyway, two years late and here we are. Between then and now we went our seperate ways, with me working and building a foundation for myself and him getting into trouble. But since I found out he is facing a ten year sentence, I have been going to see him at the jail every visitation day, and we write letters back and forth to one another and we talk on the phone every night. I have always cared about him so much, and it didn't take long for me to fall back in love with this guy who I so easily loved before. He doesn't realize, but he has become my savior in some ways.

I went through a real hard time dealing with a recent break up. I have written about this in past threads, so if you have seen those, you know what I am talking about. But until I started talking to Nate, I never really let go of my ex. Now, I have been able to let go of my ex completely, and even telling him I want to discontinue any contact with him. He didn't take that very well as he is STILL possessive. But, now, it's not my ex I think about all the time, it is Nate.

Has anyone else ever dated an inmate? Or had a boyfriend who went to jail or prison for a long period of time? What happened to that relationship? Did it last? I want to know because I don't necessarily want to wait on him to get out, but I don't want to date anyone else either.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 12-05-2009 02:18 AM

SomiticPic, you know me, straight shooter.

Here is what I see.

Women do love the bad boy and the lost souls and that we are saviours and that we can save them, only Judges make them "make time" longer than we want... It's not his fault, he was abused, used, lost, a good soul and you know what probably that's true.

But, your ex, was abusive and as such, you only "our brain only" remembers the better person and that was Nate and as such, you reminise and fall in love all over again with that person.

Nate, has nothing. But, time..... He will give you all the words a woman can ever desire, it's his fantasy world, he has someone, thank goodness, he is not alone and so you are needed, wanted, loved, cherished, all the things woman want.

Baby girl, you are someone I admire, someone I have answered alot to, someone I want to take to the next level,.

He is not an inmate you fell in love with, he is "now an inmate" that you previously feel in love with, had a rotten relationship in between and therefore, fell again, because he is all you know as the "love goes"...

I know what I want to say to you but not yet

Remember though the above, you are his saviour now just like you thought, but friends can save each other, be there.

You can't change the 10 years.

But, more importantly, you off course like every other woman will reminise on the one that treated you right and if he lets you back in? Then you are happy., and dream.

What I want you to take from this post, is that, you JUST picked THE WRONG man, that's all.

Nate is out there, don't close your eyes, he has a different name, ......

Your feeling lost and then you were found and it feels beautiful...

If I am wrong, then I will accept that. But, what I want you to do, is try, meet lots of guys, go on dates, Oklahoma is small but it can happen and just see, if it was the makeup of Nate, you loved...... The makeup.

You have the bestest heart one that's true and shining... Don't stop that, but don't stop living either. You have to "see" if it is Nate, or the nature of him and therefore, in someone else....

You owe that part to yourself.

CW

**Hopeless Dork** · 12-05-2009 11:04 AM

I think re-kindling or re-starting a rocky or previously ended relationship AFTER the significant other is locked up is going to leave it hard to know how much what they are saying is truth and how they really feel VS how much is desperation and lonliness.

I can understand wanting to be a friend for him in this really hard time in his life... but anything more than that and you won't ever trully know if how he treats you now, where he can't go anywhere or do anything is different than how he would treat you on the outside.

I've had a friend that stayed with her bf 2 years while he was in jail, they had broken up long before he went in.. he was a cheater and a liar. But he wrote her telling her how he loved her, how it was such a mistake how he treated her. She went for it. He was such a good bf while locked up. He always called, he wrote, he said the sweetest things.

When he got out he started up the cheating again and she found out that he'd also been having other girls visit him while in jail, was writing other girls etc.

I think standing by your guy in the roughest times is part of the deal when you love someone, but if you are broken up when this occurs in their life... the results of the rekindled feelings will always be in question.

10 years is a long time, giving him false hope, while it might get him through the days there... at some point he'll get out and if all he's done is focus on you and you have moved on with your life (as would be normal) you will have a crisis on your hands later that some new love in your life will have a hard time dealing with etc.

So its best to keep it real and honest with him on your intentions, for his sake and yours. And to take this man and everything he tells you with a grain of salt as he's in a very difficult situation and the playing field is not equal.

**SomiticPit** · 12-05-2009 10:59 PM

Omigosh, thanks so much my friends for posting to this! I have been checking on it for replies lol. I wanted to clear up what might be a misunderstanding. This inmate, Nate, was an ex-boyfriend of mine yes, but he was never abusive to me, or controlling like my most recent ex, Jake (the possessive one I have mentioned in earlier threads). This guy, Nate the Inmate, he and I broke up because we went through an abortion that he didn't want, in which he moved away to live with his dad yada yada yada. This was like three years ago when we were both still teenagers. He has always cared for me as I have always cared for him, and has since forgiven me for the abortion, and so with the news he was facing ten years, I ended up back in his life.

I can honestly say that I am all he has besides his mom, who doesn't really make much time to visit. He only gets allowed three visits a week with one person per visit, and I go everytime, so I know he is not visiting with other people. I know for a fact that I am pretty much his only true friend. He had tried before while we were seperated to talk to me, but I was being a butthole and ignored him because I was trying to do my own thing.

I know that there will be some inevitable changes, and I told him that's why I will not rush into things, but I can't help loving him. I want to say NO! No, whitney, you are not to love him, he is stuck there and your both without each other this is not good...but when you devote so much time to someone by visits, and letters, and twenty minute long phone conversations every night (that's all the time we get per call lol) it adds up.

I am crazy stupid. But I realized through Nate, that I cannot sort out my emotions. They are not like thoughts that you can sort out. They really cannot be rationalized (at least in my head), and they make no sense...that's why I splurge everything here...because I am only hoping someone else can find some reasons why. lol

And again thank you for reading this and replying.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 12-05-2009 11:22 PM

Whitney Heuston huh?

Did you know that you bond very deeply with someone once you fall pregnant to them regardless that you didn't have the child?

Hard to explain but it's true..

I didn't think Nate was the one who abused you, if you mean't that for me,

As, I said in there you went "back" to Nate, after an abusive relationship.

It's funny, I wrote something a second ago to you, before coming here, maybe that's true here as well?

All, I can say to you is pretty much what I wrote above, so no point repeating myself.

He needs you for sure, I get that. You need him for sure, I get that, excepting you need "someone" and he was obviously someone you could talk to once and loved, before all that occured.

Re-read what I wrote, regarding, his time, who he has, how he would look forward to it, how he needs it, how he has nothing else, verses, how that would make a woman feel, verses what if there is another Nate out there? That you can spend every day with over the next 10 years.

Keep it as it is for now.. Please don't make decisions on "Love" yet

You ask why? Because when you have come from an abusive relationship and someone shows you love, talking every day, seeing each other and each time it's warm and fuzzy, you need to that to ensure that you don't dwell on what happened, let it happen again, and restore faith in the word. LOVE.

Everything happens for a reason in life.

CW

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 12-05-2009 11:22 PM

PS? I don't know how to spell her name, lol.

**SomiticPit** · 12-05-2009 11:28 PM

Originally Posted by CHANDLERS WISH

Whitney Heuston huh?

Did you know that you bond very deeply with someone once you fall pregnant to them regardless that you didn't have the child?

Hard to explain but it's true..

Wow, I did not know. Explains why it was hard for me to get over Jake too.