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Thread: Is he testing me, or do I forget about him?

  1. #1
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    Default Is he testing me, or do I forget about him?


    Hey ladies......so it's been awhile, which is and isn't a good thing. So I posted awhile ago about a guy that I was interested in pursuing a relationship with, but he was giving me mixed signals. So I just kind of let things be and it seemed like he was warming up/getting close to making things "official" with us.

    What I mean by that is, the physical contact was getting a little more frequent, and a little more cozy (no, I'm not sleeping with him...or giving him any kind of making out at all...and he's still here...weird), he asked me to spend Christmas with him, he's been asking to meet my family and friends, and he has been calling every two/three days and texting in between. So I'm thinking everything is cool...right?

    WRONG!!!! In the last week or so, he has been a complete jerk on the phone with me. It's almost like everything he could possibly push my buttons about he did. It's like he is deliberately trying to make me mad....and at the end of the conversation he goes "I enjoyed talking to you this evening"...seriously. Oh, oh...and to top it all off he tells me he's going on a date tomorrow night. WHAT???? Annnnnnnd...he met this chick on Plenty of Fish!!!! Is he kidding me?

    So is this all a test or is he really being an a-hole that I should forget about?

  2. #2
    WH Moderator & WINNER OF BEST THREAD MARCH & JUNE 2011- Don't mes with Mes T Array Mes T's Avatar
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    Well from your post sounds like a jerk to me... going on a date with another girl, what what what?? You don't need that kind of drama. Moving on!

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    TEAM ADMIN Array CHANDLERS WISH's Avatar
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    Dating sites huh?

    Sounds like he had "no one else" and so was feeling lonley and therefore started mentioning Xmas, family, friends etc, until "someone" found him attractive enough to go on a date and he immediately treated you cold therefore, backing off, then hitting you with why.

    What will be interesting is POF, and other dating sites are usually 1 in 1million chance of success, seriously, because what you write you want and whom you really are, are two different things and I'm betting she won't hang about and he'll be back to you.

    So what are you going to do then?

    Cut him off now to show him you won't be disrespected.

    Basically she'll nick off and you would have nicked off and he will end up more alone than he was before.

    That's not a way to treat a lady full stop.

    You'll be fine sweet.

    Now the second side of this is "Is he testing you", I would have said "yes" possibly, if he hadn't spoken down to you then hit you with the date, if he had spoken normal to you, then hit you with the date, then he would be saying, "so do you want to be with me or not"...

    Perhaps to make sure, tell us what types of things he was saying.

    CW
    PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

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    WH Super Moderator Array caterpillar79's Avatar
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    I would vote for you to go walk. Let him be, he's not ready for you. He is still looking for someone "better". Well, sorry for him...he missed you.
    What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are but how you deal with incompatibility. - Leo Tolstoy

    The clearest explanation for failure of any marriage is that two people are incompatible; that is, one is male and the other female. - Anna Quindlen

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    WH Head Moderator Array WildChild's Avatar
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    Sounds like head games. Refuse to play.
    We can only learn to love by loving. - Iris Mudoch, British writer

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    Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Array Calicorado83's Avatar
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    You should try to find out what kind of dating he is trying to do. Some people consider dating as seeing multiple people but not really being tied down, sort of testing the waters. Other people think dating is one-on-one serious "official" as you said relationship. Other people think dating is like an open relationship, where you get cozy and comforatble and serious with more than one person....I don't know, that's why I hate that word!!

    Anyway, find out what he is looking for. It seems like him taking you to visit his family and such is cutting it down to being serious, but for him to tell you he is going on dates, that is like, just opposite! I can see why you are confused cause so am I.

    Tell him you can't see him on a night that he wants to see you because "Mr. Hottie from the club" wants to see you again. Find out what his reaction is like, and ask him from there what he wants out of the relationship you guys have together. If he wants it to be open as he is making it seem, then he should have no problem with you going out with other guys. If he is upset and disagrees with what you're doing, then he shouldn't be doing it himself.
    "Greatness is a lot of small things done well. Day after day..."

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    Very interesting insights.....he's so confusing. But to elaborate on the things he said:

    - He said something about me "expanding my horizons" because I live about 10 minutes away from my parents;

    - He said I'm only getting older so I need to think about my career...I mean really, I got "temporarily laid off" with the whole recession;

    - He calls me "Princess"...which I thought was kind of cute until I realized it's because he thinks that I'm high maintenance;

    - He told me I need to be more selfish and stop thinking about other people, but I'm just not that person;

    - He laughed when I told him I was gonna try and finish my degree by correspondence/distance learning.

    That's to name a few, and I guess it doesn't really seem that bad, however it was the whole tone of the conversation that was just like WTF????

    But here's the kicker....so he supposedly went on this "date" on Saturday night, but now he's texted me today, and called me twice and left voicemails and he sounds like the sweetheart I am interested in. I am so confused, and I don't wanna get sucked into being a doormat. I haven't called him back yet, but I'm on the fence about it....

    HEEEEEEEELP!

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    WH Super Moderator Array caterpillar79's Avatar
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    Nope...hold your horses! Don't you ever call him back yet. Make him work harder. You know you are worth the wait, a keeper and so, hold your head high. He must make an effort and go an extra mile.

    Like you said, you don't want to be a doormat. He's hard to read? Wait till he wants to be read by you. It will come if he's truly the one.

    Rest and relax, knowing that he still has this side of him who wants to reach out to you, but remember to focus on yourself first. FOR YOU, not for him.
    What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are but how you deal with incompatibility. - Leo Tolstoy

    The clearest explanation for failure of any marriage is that two people are incompatible; that is, one is male and the other female. - Anna Quindlen

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    Welcome Committee Club Array dr.mansview's Avatar
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    you say you are not sleeping with him or making out with him..do you think by telling you that he had a date with another woman that he's trying to get you to "lower your standards" in order to keep him interested in the relationship..then after the date, (which prolly did not go well for him,if there even was one) he is all lovey dovey again..i think he's playing head games with you..
    a smart man learns from his mistakes..a wise man learns from the mistakes of others..

  10. #10
    Triple Diamond Member (3,000+ posts & member 3 years+) Array
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    Good point. Maybe he was trying to 'move things along' and was hoping that if he claimed to be going on a date then you would panic and sleep with him in the hopes of making it officially exclusive.

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