Infatuation stage over - emotional differences surface!

**Mes T** · 12-06-2009 06:26 PM

Alright so, my wonderful boyfriend (pretty much) fell out of the sky about 2.5-3 months ago, and from the beginning we've been moving really fast. Well, we're already well past the "infatuation" stage, and now I'm really learning a lot about him.

And one problem I'm noticing, that I haven't really experienced before for various reasons, is that in some ways we're really different emotionally. Some biggies are:

1) He wants to be left alone when he's sick, which bothers me because I really want to take care of him in those cases.
2) He's not as affectionate as I am. I want way many more hugs and kisses than he does.
3) I think he has some anger issues. He gets really upset at some things that I would consider little. For example, a few days ago we went shopping in a crowded area and all the people accidentally jostling him like ruined his mood for the remainder of the day. And it seems like he gets upset like this by something at least every weekend, and a couple of days or so during the week as well. Then this kind of mood really discourages me because I think to myself, wow, I'm his girlfriend but I can't cheer him up...?

Can these types of things be worked on, I wonder? I'd like some of your opinions, especially if you've experienced something like this before.

We are very serious about each other and are planning a future together, but I'm not about to commit myself to these types of problems either.

**laswell89** · 12-06-2009 06:31 PM

If you are both willing to work on them, I think that those issues can definitely be addressed and talked about with each other. Just make it known how you feel and he will hopefully be understanding. Once you get past that infatuation stage, everyone hits a point where they start noticing things they didn't in the beginning. But it does not mean they can't be fixed. As long as you are both in this for the long haul, I'm sure you can work out the differences. Good luck

**sourpuss** · 12-06-2009 06:56 PM

If you can be as honest and straight forward with him as you just were with us, I don't see why that can't be at least a start.
I can understand the sick thing, I think most guys are like that. I think you'll just have to let that one go. The other things, I think maybe he just needs to be made aware of them and how it affects you. If he's not willing to work on it to make the relationship better then maybe he's not so wonderful afterall.

Communicate.

Good luck

**WildChild** · 12-06-2009 07:01 PM

Those infatuation chemicals are in your body from 6 months to two years, so give it some more time, Work on communicating about this and see where you end up?

**Na-Na** · 12-07-2009 12:14 AM

For issues one and two, I can relate. My SO won't let me near him when he's sick. He locks himself in his room and won't answer calls. I really frustrates me, but I've learned to deal with it. (The fact that he pampers me completely when I'm sick is actually equally frustrating) We actually broke up early into our relationship because he felt I was too affectionate. We've reached a middle ground on that now. We hold hands when I want, but hugs and kisses have been cut down some. He's gotten slightly more open to those thigns the longer we date, though. And, of course, he's completely willing to initiate hugging and such when he thinks I'm angry or upset.

Learning to handle his anger will probably take a while. It's not always completely intuitive. You could try talking to him about that one. Or any of them, really. I've found that with my boy, it's usually best to only discuss one major topic at a time.

I don't think these are really breaking points for a relationship, if you're both willing to make accommodations. People have their quirks, and you have to live with them. I'd suggest you try toning down on the physical displays of affection. It gets easier with time, and it can be annoying to the recipient.

**Hopeless Dork** · 12-07-2009 12:35 AM

I am not really sure that every single couple goes through an infactuation stage as much as that most people put their best foot forward when getting to know someone, are more willing to do things they don't like to make the other happy etc... then the longer they are with someone the more comfortable they get in showcasing how they really are, what they really and trully like and don't like... and some minor annoyances to full on deal breakers might arrise as that happens.

But isn't it possible for 2 people to be themselves early on...show their vulnerabilities, their likes and dislikes to learn and grow together as you reveal more and more about the true nature of yourselves?

I don't know I mean for me, all the things that have upset me, I've told my boyfriend. I've never done a single thing I didn't want to do, have never pretended to like something I didn't so I don't see myself changing as time goes on... Maybe its because we started on simmer, not boil.... and as time progressed so did the heat, we were not some love struck inseperable couple from jump... instead we've slowly become one.

I am not naive enough to think that there won't be lull's in enthusiasm towards each other but I don't think all relationships or all people are textbook and have certain phases they must go through.

I do think that honeymoon or infactuation phases are more obvious in people that keep themselves very guarded early on in the relationship , pretend to like snuggling, pretend to adore stalone films, etc... then unable to maintain that pretenciousness indefinitely.

I think as long as you develop good communication early on in a relationship and are open and honest and trully be yourself and expect and request that of your significant other... there is less likely to be surprises later on as you can determain what things they will and won't bend on... and decide if you can love this person as they are, flaws , faults and all.