A man who cannot commit to love...

**samaria1123** · 12-08-2009 05:11 PM

I can tell you a little more about him if anyone wants to know.

He just turned 30, I am 23. He has agreed that I don't really act my age, I'm much more mature. He was very dedicated when he was younger. He never missed a day of school up until college. He went to school has his bachelors working in the hospital. He still lives in an apartment telling me he's not financial ready. He is definitely stable, and very successful in his goals in life. He has said to me that "I've always been told to do everything I want until I settle down, and nobody has until their early 30's" He's also said before "I wont be ready to settle down until I've paid off some c.c. and school loans and have a small savings account"
He is originally from a different state. So he goes home once in awhile. But I have never met his family. And only recently do they know about me. Some of his friends know about me. Some do not.

**AmandaKaelyn** · 01-31-2010 06:47 AM

Wow...If your location said Boston..I'd ask you if you were dating my ex boyfriend..and besides being a mom (cheers to you) I could've wrote exactly what you posted to the T. I was friends with my ex for years before we dated. We took our time...we did things "right" and we were the best of friends...awesome relationship..everything was wonderful...EXCEPT he never said "I love you" and oh my did that tug at my heart. We were in a relationship for over a year and I waited...waited...waited..nothing. I ended up getting mad one day..and managed to blurt out.."Youre just never going to love me are you?" his response..."I just don't think Im the type of person who can love someone..like Its not me" WTF? I am his first gf (weird for him at 27 and a good lookin guy?? DEF not gay) so I give him the not really knowing what to do...but really? thats his excuse. Bull...everyone who can breathe can love and girl at 25 and single again I learned some important stuff...If youre willing to open your heart up and give the most wonderful gift (of love) one can recieve...then you DESERVE to recieve BACK. LIFE IS SHORT....LOVE THE ONES WHO TREAT YOU RIGHT AND FORGETTTTT THE ONES WHO DONT. Us females shouldn't have to WAIT for anyoneee. Im tired of picking up the pieces over and over again from some "dude" who couldn't figure his life out...every second counts. Good luck. *Besos*

**WildChild** · 01-31-2010 06:50 AM

Good advice Amanda!

**Hopeless Dork** · 01-31-2010 10:59 AM

Life and Love happen when we are busy making other plans. He could very well have had some idea or notion of what his happy ending is to be and it didn't include a built in family, etc etc... any of the things he thinks are too stressful. But as we grow up we realize that even though we didn't end up with our most ideal circumstances... our dream job, our dream life -- having love, being loved and giving love is more important than any picket fence ideology.

Just as you did not expect to end up a single mom, but adapted and are probably much happier for having your child than you ever would be otherwise... he probably did not expect to fall in love with a single mom. Maybe he is afraid of responsability, and he knows that professing his love for you does bare some. He then takes responsability for your feelings and your heart, to care and protect them.

Sounds like he's already doing that... but by not saying the words it gives him wiggle room to run if he needs to and say well, I never promised you anything with a more clear conscience. However.... as much time as he has invested he's got to know walking away while denying love for you won't be any less sticky or painful than doing so after having said the words.

What kind of childhood did he have? Are his parents still together? What were his relationships in the past like? Did he ever have his heartbroken?

There may be some factors that have nothing to do with how 'stressful' he finds your situation and more to do with a fear of being hurt.

If he is treating you well, if he makes you FEEL special and loved and cared about its far more important to your happiness than him just saying the words. Some people say those words easily and don't make the other person feel the feelings associated with those words.

It sounds like you have NO doubt he cares for you, I would enjoy the ride if I were you. I think some people sacrafice happiness because their partner hasn't put a ring on it. If you think someone else would make you HAPPIER and give you the engagement etc... then you might want to reconsider what you are doing... but I wouldn't leave someone that makes you feel good to try to find someone thats more willing to walk the aisle.