I don't know if we ever stop learning.. I do know that we also have intuition and mostly can see things wrong on the inset but plow away, in hope. I gave that part up along time ago and follow those gut feelings, now.
How is he with your child ? Does he show love there?
Maybe he in-fact has baggage and wants to go with the flow, not plan, not look forward but into "now" and in consideration that you at the beginning "you don't want", I think actually you do want and that's why you feel so hurt.
Men also have a much harder time expressing their feelings, we ask because we are emotional, and sometimes, they reply only because we want them to..
It's more of how they "treat" you not the words that are spoken.
How does he treat you?
You say you don't want commitment but I feel that's because you don't want him to feel threatened.
You say you have baggage, if your referring to your child, that is not baggage, a man accepts a woman, he accepts her child.