Being the other woman!

**violets** · 12-11-2009 02:58 AM

About three months a ago me and a good personal friend and family friend began seeing each other.. There has always been a attraction between us and we have hooked up in the past a few times but it was usually drink related. anyway 3 months ago he stayed in my house after a night out and nothing happened but we did sleep in the bed together. Since then we started seeing each other and I have falling madly in love with him and I know he is mad about me to. We see each other most days as he works with my family and we get on incredibly well and share a lot of common interests.

So heres the problem... He has a girlfriend, a child with her and she has a child from a previous relationship. He has left her twice in the last month for about a week at each time but went back for the sake of the child. He says he has to give it one last go for the child. He says that he is going to give it until christmas and if it doesnt work then its over.

The weeks when they were broken up he stayed with me and we had a amazing time but both times when he went back I have been distraught. Anyway due to work/family we have no choice but to see each other everyday and we cant keep away from each other. I have known him most of my life and I know that he is genuine and doesnt want anyone to get hurt but my heart is breaking.. The thoughts of him going home every evening, sharing a bed with her and so on so forth is enough to drive me over the edge.

I feel bad for thier child and hers and I never intended on any of this happening and especially not falling in love with him but now hes all that goes through my head day and night..

Advice badly needed!!!!

**the wench** · 12-11-2009 03:02 AM

he needs to make a decision based on who he actually wants and not string you both along....cant leave for the sake of the child is a cowards way of saying if i can have my cake and eat it i will.....if he is so unhappy with his home life then the children will benefit more with them being apart and happy!
dont be sucked into the same situation as what many mistresses have to go through.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 12-11-2009 03:19 AM

There's always a boundary. When someone else is involved, having known that you "both" crossed it.

Often things are rocky in a relationship when a new born/child is involved, he may be non-understanding, she may be tired, forgotten the "honeymoon stage" of their relationship, neglected, he may "drink" with his mates too often, including female friends

Leading a life of batchelorhood and then taking it one step further, acting like one.

There's a definate chemistry and more, if it's daily "other than work", if it is "work only", heck he has to keep his job? Therefore, keep you...

Even if that is not the case... He is sleeping with her, he is, sleeping with you, he is, asking you to bare with it, (or never), pending, and for her, he is "not being honest in his marriage".. Great for your 10 years down the track ,if he left her for you and then starts seeing someone else.

Do it one, do it twice.

It's not the solution if not happy, to have an affair, you are a mistress. You sleep on your own every night, until you can't hack it any longer and crack, he leaves her for a week, breaks her heart and she takes him back...

He causes everyone pain.

Do you think that her heart wasn't broken when he dumped her twice for 2 weeks? Let me ask you this, if she disliked him and herself, was only there for their child, she would say after the first time, get lost. I don't need you...

She, didn't.

She took him back, the only other logical thing is "money", finances....Would you know though? Do you? Or what he tells you.

I don't know but I sleep on my own everynight as it is, and that's not how I want it

But, to sleep with someone whom is un-attainable, can't date, can't have romantic dinners, anytime sex, with intimacy, or plain out horney sex. To not be able to watch a movie every night, on a wish? On a dream? On words? On I hope?

You believe, because you dream. Because, your alone. And, most "wrong" sex, is exciting, so therefore, so is the communication, laughter, lust, love... There's only "looking forward" to that time, FINALLY.. Because, you've sat on your own, with someone in mind, with a memory of yesterday wanting for tomorrow.

Don't you think that you need, in reality, to be the one?

"Leave or I shall. Regardless of my feelings, if you really want to be with me, do so, or else I want someone to sleep with everynight and hold me, not just what we have."

Dada... Stick by it, don't vere from it...... Regardless....

He'll leave and you were right, or he'll stay and you were wrong, and he will claim it to be because of the child..

One side his side and even if that's the case, you entered this, knowing he had a child, a wife.

Nothing you can do but have your heart broken, now or later.

There's always an ending.. .I hope yours is happier, but in reality, she actually may love him too...

You may never know.

GO.....

CW

**GlitterAndStuds** · 12-11-2009 05:17 AM

In these kinds of situations, my advice is always to walk away from it. I know that this is much easier said than done because you love him, and you've known him for a really long time even before this all started.

The thing that would get me is that, even though he did leave her for a couple of weeks and spent the whole time with you... he still went back to her. Whether it was for her or for their child, he went back. I think that if he was really going to leave her for you, then one of those times would have been permanent. It sounds like he's very torn between what he wants, which isn't fair to you because you don't know how long you'll be waiting. Or how long it will last if he DOES leave her after Christmas.

CW is totally right in the fact that it's hurting you to hang out with him and be with him, but at the end of the day he's still always going home to her. You can wait and see what happens after Christmas, but if he's still flip floppy I would tell him it's all or nothing. It's not fair to you, or his girlfriend. And if he still hasn't left by the time he says he will.... move on. In that case, he's just giving times way in advance in order to keep you around because you think it will get better. You need a life of your own too, instead of planning around him.

It could turn out great. Maybe he will leave her then. But also keep in mind that most people who cheat in one relationship, eventually end up doing it again in the next.

I hope things work out for you. Good luck.

**KMonte85** · 12-11-2009 06:11 AM

Originally Posted by violets

The thoughts of him going home every evening, sharing a bed with her and so on so forth is enough to drive me over the edge.

That sounds rough. Now imagine how she feels knowing that when she has an argument with her boyfriend and father of her child, he takes off right into the arms of another woman.. leaving her alone, with their child, again.

Follow everyone's advice and stay away. He needs to figure out if he can make it work with his girlfriend (who I assume he has been with for quite some time if the have a child together). If they do not work out and he has ended it with her once and for all it will be because they are not compatible, not because he is distracted by his relationship with you. Then, at that time, you could make the decision to pursue a relationship with him. But, please not before any of this happens.

He owes it to his family (yes his girlfriend and child are his family, marriage or not) to see if he can work it out. You owe it to him to let him do so...

**WildChild** · 12-11-2009 06:16 AM

He cannot make a real choice, so he is vacilating. You need to cut it off completely. Do for yourself and him. Do you really want this man? What he has done to her is likely to do to you.

**caterpillar79** · 12-13-2009 05:07 PM

I agree with what WC said. Don't compromise yourself further, make a decision now.

If he decides to stay with you, would you two be able to reconcile with the idea that the child might be suffering (emotionally, or in every facet) because of you both? If the answer is yes, then I say no further.

I am just being the devil's advocate here, not to be rude. What if he is one of those men who cannot make a choice and stick to it? Where does that leave you?

If you cut everything about him, you'd break your heart and his, but you will be able to get by and move on. You have to weigh both sides and go for whatever you feel is the best, dear. Only you can do this.

**happy ending** · 12-13-2009 09:40 PM

Originally Posted by WildChild

He cannot make a real choice, so he is vacilating. You need to cut it off completely. Do for yourself and him. Do you really want this man? What he has done to her is likely to do to you.

i agree completely, this is the mother of his child, if he has no respect for her, when the thrill of it all wears off, you can just expect the same. i am not saying he doesnt love you - but he isnt free, this will end in heartache for all, i would say. do you really want this?

**violets** · 12-18-2009 02:31 AM

Hi guys...

Thank you for all your advice and it is duly noted. I will keep you updated!!!

Thanks again! Its the outside view I needed as my head is just so clouded at the moment and anyone I know that knows the situation is just giving me advice that suits their situations!!

Thanks a million!

**danceintx** · 12-18-2009 06:50 PM

Honestly, what is going to happen if you and him are together and he is working with another woman that he hits it off with? Besides that, if it were me, I would break it off. If he still leaves his ex because he is unhappy, then I would give it a chance, cause I would know he wasn't just confused between me and her. If not, and he stays, then he was much better off being with his child, until he finds the next woman to cheat with anyway.