The Comedian or the Smart Boy??

**kygirl** · 12-15-2009 06:43 AM

Okay, so I've been on a couple more dates since the last time I posted. Actually been on 2 dates each with 2 new boys. Things are going really well with both of them...

My problem is that I feel like I am in the same predicament that I always get myself in. They are both very different, and about time for date three, I start to think, I'm going to have to make a choice eventually. I know there isn't a huge rush, but I am *not* good at dating more than one person for very long at all!

So here's the situation. One of the guys is incredibly smart, stable, sweet, and enjoys culture and the arts like I do. The other guy keeps me laughing all the time, is adorable, and I feel like I could probably have fun doing about anything with him. For those of you in long term relationships and/or married... How do you decide what's most important? Do you go with your "gut" instinct??

It's not that I think I'd be "miserable" with either of them or that I have to decide tomorrow, but round three of dates will be coming up over the next few days, and they aer so different, that it's marking it hard for me to imagine ever being able to choose??

Thoughts?

**GlitterAndStuds** · 12-15-2009 06:47 AM

Personally, the thing that appeals to me the most about my boyfriend is how funny he is. I'm giggling constantly. So I'm always going to encourage people to be with the funny one, haha. But the thing is, does he know where to draw the line? Like, if you needed to have a serious, intelligent conversation with him, would he be good with that as well?

Also, more importantly, who do you feel more drawn to?

**Aubrey** · 12-15-2009 06:50 AM

I think it's most important that you're compatible and understand eachother. I know from dates it's hard to tell, but similar interests are always a good place to start on.
I know being able to laugh with someone is very important, but you have a good sense of understanding of eachother, the jokes will follow regardless.
You could even develop your own sense of humor together!

**WildChild** · 12-15-2009 06:51 AM

Keep it light for now. Let them know you aren't exclusive and aren't having sex with anyone. See how you feel over time.

**rajalawak** · 12-15-2009 06:54 AM

i think you should know about yourself,what type of your own personality...it seem you will know the answer which boy suitable for you

**kygirl** · 12-15-2009 06:59 AM

Originally Posted by GlitterAndStuds

Personally, the thing that appeals to me the most about my boyfriend is how funny he is. I'm giggling constantly. So I'm always going to encourage people to be with the funny one, haha. But the thing is, does he know where to draw the line? Like, if you needed to have a serious, intelligent conversation with him, would he be good with that as well?

Also, more importantly, who do you feel more drawn to?

We actually had a very nice serious conversation last night about his family, and so yes, I was a bit concerned about if he can be serious. He totally can, his predominant mode is just happy-go-lucky. (I prefer humor to seriousness most of the time)

I feel more drawn to the funny guy right now. I feel very comfortable around him. My main concerns about each are the exact opposites. The smart guy is very stable, his dad is in my chosen career so he would understand my busy schedule, BUT he's a bit reserved for me. The funny guy has a good job, but I'm not sure how he'll feel long term about the hours I am going to work/school right now. He's also extremely outgoing which I love but with two strong personalities, I feel like there may be some tension there sometimes?

**kygirl** · 12-15-2009 07:02 AM

Originally Posted by WildChild

Keep it light for now. Let them know you aren't exclusive and aren't having sex with anyone. See how you feel over time.

Yes, I am definitely not exclusive and/or having sex with anyone until I figure out where my head is at. I just worry more than anything that maybe just because I'm more attracted to one person or the other doesn't mean that they would be the best for me overall?

However, the dates have mostly been pretty easygoing thus far, so I still have yet to determine if either of them have any "dealbreakers" as far as things that totally would not work yet although I am a bit concerned about the smart guy's level of reservedness. I am going to need to see a bit more spunk and by date number three, I would think he should be comfortable enough to show it

**WildChild** · 12-15-2009 07:09 AM

I've given this consideration becuase there have been studies that find humor to be really important. Men consider it a strong point for themselves and most women rank it highly, if not the most important asset for a man to have. I think this is a surival thing. Throughout history humorless men have done some pretty awful things. Since throughout the past several thousand years women's lives have usually been at the mercy of men's moods and inclinations, a man who predictalby laughs first rather than hits, is a lot easier and safer to live with. It depends on your own personality. How the two of you interact.

**GlitterAndStuds** · 12-15-2009 08:27 AM

Originally Posted by kygirl

I feel more drawn to the funny guy right now. I feel very comfortable around him.

This is really important. I think this is why so many of us make sense of humor such a huge priority, as WC said in her post. It's much easier to feel comfortable around them and be yourself. You know they're letting loose, so there's no need to feel like you need to be reserved around them.

But like WC also said, there's no need to pressure yourself to choose one after just a third date. If you're still questioning which one would be better for you, you probably just need to keep it casual a little longer and continue getting to know them until you can finally say "Oh yeah. This one is it."

**OhThereYouAre** · 12-15-2009 08:54 AM

LOL- this is *not* a predicament at all. Your freedom is defined by your options. You have a few.

That choice word you used...."stable."

I like that.

Top two reasons stated for ending a marriage are money and infidelity.

When you say stable, I'm assuming you're referring to a stable income and a deliberate decision making process....albeit from what you can tell so far.

Call me old fashioned, call me conservative. I'd learn towards "stable."

I'm glad to hear things are going well.