CrazyGurlie

Hi everyone,

I was hoping for some advice. I am 24 yrs old and have a boyfriend who is 22 yrs old. I love him with my whole heart and he tells me every day that he loves me and wants to marry me but the thing is he has no job. I have been working since I was 15yrs old, I bought by own car and have always been able to take care of myself except for the fact that i spent a lot of money I really didnt have. So now I am struggling to pay off my debt and let me tell you it's been hard but I am doing my best. Now the problem is my b/f and I share my car (which I pay the insurance) and most of the time we are using my momey to pay for stuff. He puts no effort into even looking for a job not to mention when he does get one it doesnt last very long... I am at the point where I feel I need to break up with him for something that may be stupid. Is it wrong for me to want someone who has money and can support himself?? I hope that doesnt sound selfish!!

kaylar

What usually happens in these relationships is that the
woman becomes 'the man' of the family.

At first she may try to hide the fact she is paying
for everything, maybe slipping him the money to
cover the lunch, or letting him drive as if it is
her car, but over time, the pantomime gets tired.

Sooner or later, he takes the car and picks up
a girl. Maybe it is innocent, but it is Your Car
which You put the Gas in.

Eventually he invites someone to dinner to
eat your food. You now have a policy...you
serve yourself first, and he shares what is
left with his friends.

He becomes an annoying child; like a teenager...
and you are a woman.

You make decisions without him, and don't listen
to him, because you lose respect for him.

The bottom line...
you will soon lose respect for him.

Many older women 'buy' a toy boy, so that they
can throw him out when he displeases them.

Gigolos or Beach boys are offered to tourists
to add a dash of sex to their visit.

Although he isn't a toy boy or a gigolo, you
will soon see him as a burden.

stessed out

it doesnt sound stupid at all! you deserve someone who will work with you. help you out and pay some bills, women always think they can change men but we cant, if he wont get a job or keep a job now just think what it would be like when your married! marriage is tough it takes a lot of work, if your feeling the stress now it will only get worse. been there done that. good luck

__________________
missy

avery3

How can he be 22yrs old and not have or even hold a job!! Me and my boyfriend have both been working since we were 14yrs old and have kept these jobs for years. i mean thats a bit extreme and something you dont find everyday, but you cant atleast find a guy who knows how to take care of himself! Since you do care about him alot, what you can do is leave him unitl he straightens his act up. Tell him that he needs to get out and get a job, maybe even his own car and start helping out with the bills. This will show how much he cares about you. If he's willing to do all of this for, and of course himself, then he def. cares about you and wants this relationship as much as you.

Look at it this way, if you were the one "living the life" having him pay for everything and not working, would you wanna put much effort into getting a job?? He just needs a wake up call, and if love is there then everything will work out.

tidi

Your worries are NOT stupid!!!

There should be no reason why he should even be THINKING of marrying and starting a family if he cannot take care of himself.

This should show you what his level of maturity is...obviously low...

So why would he be mature enough to get married?

tazabeauty7

Hello all:

My story is a bit crazy, I know. I am so confused.

Here is how it starts. My husband was close to his coworker 5 years ago and lead me to think he was cheating on me. He brought her to our house even after I had asked him not to. Everyone thought she was his wife. I got phone calls when he was not home that he was at her house having sex. Anyway, I confronted him but he denied it. I was pregnant at the time so we were not intimate which caused alot of problems too. Later had my 2nd child but things never got better after that.

He quit his job out of the blue and leaves us to move to another state. I was torn with divorcing him then and/or moving. Due to the fact that the kids are the main thing in my life, I was torn about it. I decided to stay in the marriage even though we had problems. Things did not improve in another state. We were both unemployed and devastated. I asked for a divorce but he would not hear of it. I was also unhappy with the way things were going.

Later, I told him that I was moving back to Texas and making a go because at least I knew there was an opportunity there. He moved with me and now is steady at his job for 3 years. I have a job too. You would think happily ever after? Well, not so.

I started seeing this person that made me feel happy. I was loved, hugged, and listened to. I like being with him so much that I couldn't think of anything else but him. Yes, I cheated on my husband 3 weeks ago. My lover wants me to divorce my husband so he can marry me. He makes plans for us to be together etc. I got pregnant with his child and was running crazy about it.

I told my husband finally that I couldn't be marry to him because I cheated. I wanted a divorce. Husband does not a divorce and told me that he forgives me and to make it work. He asked me what I wanted to do and I said I don't know. He was very angry and asked me to leave the house immediately and threw the infedility at my face. He then angrily said he has never cheated on me ever. I said what about your coworker? He said there was nothing at all. I don't have proof whether he did or not?

My lover wants me to be happy and wants me to make the right decision. part of me, wants to be with him NOW and be there always. However, the kids come to mind once again. I don't have feelings for the husband anymore but the kids tear me to pieces. I feel so stupid. How did I get myself in this mess and made it worse by involving a friend? Now, I am torn in half with the choice of trying to repair my marriage to make my kids happy or divorce and be happy with my lover.

I am thinking of leaving the kids in the house with my husband as they are used to that house/living/school etc. The area where lover and I can afford won't be suitable for the kids.

I have met my lover's family and he tells them that I am his wife. I don't say anything but same time wish I was. Is it wrong to feel like that?

I love being with him, I love his long embraces in bed, just being with him and yet the next day, husband is calling to wonder how I am doing and to find out if I am going back to our marriage. n I had a miscarriage so lost the baby. My lover was sad we lost the baby. I feel that maybe it was not time yet as my life is in turmoil right now.

I wish it would be so simple to work on my marriage and say yes for the kids. However, the other side of me, says no, I need to be with this man. I am so confused. Do you have any ideas?

amom

Dump him and find someone who you can love and works.

Patrice35

It is actually smart of U to take the time to realize what U really want and expect from that important person in ur life then to get married and still have a lot of unanswered questions, be strong in ur choice and lots of luck on making the best and healthiest choice for U.

kaylar

Confused, you are not. You've put up with your loser husband, now found someone worth while...go with it. You can leave the kids with their father, start your new life, then get into a joint custody
situation.

Let me put it like this...
we all have our office wives/husbands but it's never outside of the office.
And no one would make the error of thinking that the office 'wife' was the
real wife without some very real evidence.

So let's not feel like the sinner and the saint.