Thread: 1st time living with bf...

Originally Posted by rcoreyus

I've found that this works MUCH better than splitting expenses. I know one couple where the husband make a bunch of money on an internet startup - and now feels he never needs to work again, while his wife needs to work the rest of her life to keep contributing. It is in some sense "fair": they are contributing equal amounts of money, but it sure doesn't feel that way when she needs to work all day, and he can just goof off.


Chores are a different issue - and in a lot of ways much simpler. You should spend roughly equal time on chores. If he isn't willing to do his part, then maybe you should re-consider the relationship. If you have very different ideas about what chores need to be done at all (you like things neat, he is a slob for instance), again you may not be happy long term.

Wow, yeah I can see how that who scenario of the rich husband, working wife thing can be a burden. Mine isn't that extreme! I make about $5000 more per year than he does - so not a ton.. biggest issue is he has more bills than i do. he just finished paying off his car, but still has a ATV he's paying for and some credit debt, and his utility bill from his old place (his old roommate screwed him over so he got stuck with the full bill). but even with all that he was still able to pay his rent. now he's living with me and i'm asking him to pay $50 LESS than he did at his apartment, and he says he will when he gets money.... so if you have no other bills - where is this money going?

I know, I know.. that is what needs to be asked of him.

Cleaning - yeah, I did walk into that one. He was a typical messy bachelor before we lived together, but where I want the dishes cleaned every night, he would do them at his place once a week or so... he hasn't washed one dish sinced he moved in with me. I'm not asking for MORE, just the same effort he put in before at his own home. Just stuff like that.. I get I will pick up more of the slack, but he has completely forgotten that his cats poop the same as they did in his old apt and the litter boxes need to be cleaned as they did at his old apt... his dishes get dirty just like they did there too... so why no effort to do it? because I will?

Yet more questions I need to ask him and not ask rhetorically in this forum.


Getting this out is helping me though.. I've been worried that I was going to hurt his feelings if I talk to him. but now I'm starting to realize that my feelings are important too and if he gets wounded, it might be the wake up call we both need.


Blah, cohabitation is so hard! lol