Thread: 1st time living with bf...

Originally Posted by KMonte85

Ok so here is the scoop. Sorry this is going to be loooooong....

I've been with my boyfriend since I was 16 - I'm 24 now - he just turned 28. Everything has always been good between us, we're really very compatible in almost every way.

We have never lived together, with being young, living with the parents, and then moving to school, etc, there just was no reason for it. I lived in the dorms at school, and then for two years rented my own apartment there until I graduated... when I moved back I lived by myself for a year, he lived by his self -we were both within 2 miles of each other and not happy with our apartments, landlords, increasing rent, etc.... Well, I got so fed up - I bought a house in august and asked him to move in with me, split the rent and expenses ect.. that was a "duh" so of course he did. We are now both paying less to live together in our home than we were living individually in our apartments.

Now I'm starting to feel overwhelmed and getting the "mommy syndrome." I leave for work before him and half the time come home after him. I make his lunch for work in the morning, I make dinner at night, I wash the dishes, I dust, I sweep and vacuum, I do all the laundry (Except his clothing - but all mine + household linens), I feed/water the animals (his 2 cats and labrador and my 1 cat), I take his dog out to play and walk, I clean the litter boxes, I feed his fish, and I still put on a happy (albeit exhausted) face for sex most nights.

I keep thinking how nice things were when it was just me and my cat in my apartment, where the only mess I had to clean was my own (and the cat's but I digress...). He tells me that he doesn't like cleaning because all day long at work he's stuck cleaning up after the messy guys in the workshop - that he gets home and the last thing he wants to do is clean up around the house or scoop cat poo or (insert daily chore here). I think that is a cop out! Who really enjoys doing all those things? sure I can get in a cleaning mood sometimes, but really?

He had vacation all last week, been off since Dec 24. I would come home from work every day to find the house a bigger and bigger mess.


Add to this that he has not paid me his half of the expenses for the last 3 months. Someone illuded to me that he was saving up for an engagement ring for Christmas... well that came and went. No ring, not that I was upset as I am in no rush to marry, but now I'm wondering where his money is going??

I asked him yesterday when I could expect him to start paying his half of the living expenses and he quietly in a somewhat embarrassed voice said "when I get some money...". His hours did get cut, but not so much that he is completely broke! And not to mention he's actually living cheaper now than he was at his old place!

I don't want to be some tyrant landlord demanding his "rent" on time or get out since it is legally my place... but I'm also starting to feel the pinch a bit. I bought the house knowing that I could afford it on my own, but that was with ONE person living there. Add to it another person and all the pets and you're talking increased bills on groceries, electricity, etc that can really add up!

I don't want to be a nag who keeps harping him to clean up, but i swear if I have to pick his dirty socks up or put his dirty dishes in the sink to soak one more time... I might just explode.


How do I handle this and get him to shape up without yelling/accusing/being aggressive? I don't want to scream at him, but I DO want him to hear me and make the necessary changes, When we lived apart, it was so great - now that we're together, the foundation of our relationship is the same - we get along perfectly, see eye to eye in every aspect, he is kind and loving otherwise... but he's just become such a deadbeat!

WOAH! Is that legal? Dating a 16 year old at 20....