Been together about 4 months, feels like 20 years, and not in a good way.

**Mes T** · 01-13-2010 05:09 AM

Jeez, eej. I never looked at it like that before... that's food for thought...

But then how come I'm in the mood for all this affection business and he isn't, even though we've gone through the same thing? I don't want to think that it's just an inherent difference between men and women...

**Texinator** · 01-13-2010 06:58 AM

That's not necessarily true. SOME men like the chase but not ALL of them.

If two people are happy with each other and want to be together, I don't see why they should prolong matters with game playing. Yes, some men like for there to be a challenge, just like some women like to play hard to get, but.. sorry if I step on any toes saying this.. to me that's all just needless mental masturbation designed to boost egos.

**sourpuss** · 01-13-2010 07:26 AM

Originally Posted by Mes_T

Jeez, eej. I never looked at it like that before... that's food for thought...

But then how come I'm in the mood for all this affection business and he isn't, even though we've gone through the same thing? I don't want to think that it's just an inherent difference between men and women...

I don't know. I'm going through the same thing. I mentioned it to my boyfriend this morning. I said that he used to be all touchy-feely and affectionate and suddenly he's not. I was just trying to tell him that I missed that part of our relationship and his response was that 'he didn't think he was courting me anymore' and that I didn't need that. I explained that I really liked it and it made me feel good about our relationship, blah, blah, blah. And he said 'I actually like you a lot more now than I did back then.'

So maybe it is a guy thing. I think there is something about the chase, maybe not so much the excitement part but more "I've got to win this girl over before so-and-so does" So they lay it on thick and when they see that they have you and you're not going anywhere, they can relax. But we see it as a change, false advertising, losing feelings, etc .

*sigh, I don't know.

**WildChild** · 01-13-2010 07:26 AM

Originally Posted by Tex

That's not necessarily true. SOME men like the chase but not ALL of them.

If two people are happy with each other and want to be together, I don't see why they should prolong matters with game playing. Yes, some men like for there to be a challenge, just like some women like to play hard to get, but.. sorry if I step on any toes saying this.. to me that's all just needless mental masturbation designed to boost egos.

I agree
we waste a lot of time in it.

**pretzel** · 01-13-2010 08:28 AM

Originally Posted by sourpuss

I don't know. I'm going through the same thing. I mentioned it to my boyfriend this morning. I said that he used to be all touchy-feely and affectionate and suddenly he's not. I was just trying to tell him that I missed that part of our relationship and his response was that 'he didn't think he was courting me anymore' and that I didn't need that. I explained that I really liked it and it made me feel good about our relationship, blah, blah, blah. And he said 'I actually like you a lot more now than I did back then.'

So maybe it is a guy thing. I think there is something about the chase, maybe not so much the excitement part but more "I've got to win this girl over before so-and-so does" So they lay it on thick and when they see that they have you and you're not going anywhere, they can relax. But we see it as a change, false advertising, losing feelings, etc .

*sigh, I don't know.

Well, you just described my wife and our relationship since we got married.

**WildChild** · 01-13-2010 08:35 AM

Originally Posted by sourpuss

I don't know. I'm going through the same thing. I mentioned it to my boyfriend this morning. I said that he used to be all touchy-feely and affectionate and suddenly he's not. I was just trying to tell him that I missed that part of our relationship and his response was that 'he didn't think he was courting me anymore' and that I didn't need that. I explained that I really liked it and it made me feel good about our relationship, blah, blah, blah. And he said 'I actually like you a lot more now than I did back then.'

So maybe it is a guy thing. I think there is something about the chase, maybe not so much the excitement part but more "I've got to win this girl over before so-and-so does" So they lay it on thick and when they see that they have you and you're not going anywhere, they can relax. But we see it as a change, false advertising, losing feelings, etc .

*sigh, I don't know.

This is really true and it's part of the reason I'll Never marry again. My ex told me, I mean really, word, for word, "I love you and if that changes I'll let you know." He seemed to think that should cover it for life and that he could ignore me after that.

**danceintx** · 01-13-2010 08:44 AM

I am in this same boat. We were all hot and heavy in the beginning, now he's starting to get on my nerves. And I'm realizing how emotionally challenged and inconsiderate he is. So tired of dating someone long enough to figure out what's wrong with them. Ugh! Sometimes it feels like I will never be with someone that I will just feel satisfied with.

**sourpuss** · 01-13-2010 08:51 AM

Wow, my boyfriend pretty much said that same thing a while back. I wonder if it has something to do with people who already have a hard time showing affection. My boyfriend struggles with this a lot. He was an orphan as an infant and toddler and then adopted by a family who did not show affection. Never held or told he was loved until well into his adulthood.
Maybe the initial pursuit is so stressful on those kinds of people that when they feel secure, they think their partner is secure as well.

**Texinator** · 01-13-2010 10:28 AM

Originally Posted by sourpuss

I wonder if it has something to do with people who already have a hard time showing affection. My boyfriend struggles with this a lot. He was an orphan as an infant and toddler and then adopted by a family who did not show affection.

Even people that were shown affection growing up can have trouble showing affection. Being emotional in any way is a sign of weakness for many people.

Holding and cuddling and things like that are really emotional exercises. There is no orgasm or other physical reward, and we engage in them as a means to show our love for another person and to feel close to them.

People that have trouble with emotion are willing to be affectionate when sex is the goal because they can then use the sex as an excuse for their motivation. But if they were to be cuddly and affectionate when there is not going to be any sex.. they'd have to admit that their doing it for emotional reasons. That's not something they want to admit, so they just keep their hands to themselves when they know it's not going to lead to the bedroom anyway.

**caterpillar79** · 01-13-2010 10:32 AM

Originally Posted by sourpuss

....

I think there is something about the chase, maybe not so much the excitement part but more "I've got to win this girl over before so-and-so does" So they lay it on thick and when they see that they have you and you're not going anywhere, they can relax. But we see it as a change, false advertising, losing feelings, etc .

I agree, and it sucks.

I hope our partners remain consistent.