Could this guy be dangerous??

**secret0524** · 01-26-2010 10:16 PM

All 3 cases are based on the same people.
My friend = almost 2 years younger than me. My bro= a year and a half younger than me. His friend = 5 months older than me.

In seventh grade fourth of july, I was at a sleepover at my mom's friend's house. She has a son and a daughter. The daughter is my friend and the son is my brother's friend. All four of us slept in my friend's room. At two thirty in the morning, the room became really really hot so I couldn't sleep so I stood up and went on my friend's bed ( I was sleeping on the floor). My brother's friend also woke up. He also went on my friend's bed and we talked about the past in like fourth grade. Since we were enemies as a child, I thought this might help us become better friends. Then later, he took me to his room for some reason, and had me lie down beside him. Then he fell asleep and for some reason he put his arm around my waist. Feeling extremely uncomfortable with this, I decided to go back to my friend's room. Then he asked me where I was going, then I lied to him that I was gonna wash my hands and he had me come back. I waited 5 full minutes in that bed until he completely fell asleep and escaped to my friend's room.

In eighth grade, New Year's, my bro, his friend, my friend, and I were tired of waiting for my mother to come pick me and my brother up. So, we all decided to sleep. Me and my friend wanted to sleep together so it will be a boy-boy girl-girl sleeping pattern. Suddenly, my bro's friend took me to their side of the bed and had my brother sleep next to his bud and me sleep next to his bud. Once again, not feeling too comfortable with the sleeping arrangement, I tried to get out but he kept me on the bed by force, so my friend tried to help me get out. Luckily, she managed to stall him long enough for my mom to pick me and my bro up.

In ninth grade, both sets of parents were drunk so neither of the were able to take me and my brother home. Then all four of us ended up sleeping in my bro's friend's room. My friend slept on her bro's bed and my bro and his friend slept on the floor. Then I had to find a place to sleep. My bro's friend told me how his sister kicks and I'm going to be beat up the next day if I sleep on the bed with her. Then I suggested her to sleep next to her brother since they're family so it didn't look like it will be a big deal. She still found it as a big deal and chose to sleep on the bed. Still, the bed didn't have much room. Then the bro's friend told me I can sleep next to him. Then I asked if i could sleep next to my brother instead. Then both of them said no. So, I was stuck with the bro's friend. Unable to sleep, I was practicing my fingering for a piece for my violin recital. Bro's friend, who appear to be awake did whatever to have me fall asleep. He tried putting his arm out and have me use as a pillow (his arm was kinda muscular so it was even harder for me to sleep), tried patting and rubbing my back, etc. I was really not comfortable with this so I decided to stay up all night until I could go home. He said he tried to have me fall asleep because he was gonna get in trouble if i got sick (it was rele cold at night). Then my mom and her friend saw that i was awake so they took me to their room and had me sleep there.

Present, the brother's friend is a bully. When I sleep in my friend's room, he wakes me up and threatens to tickle me (i rele hate being tickled because im very ticklish). He makes fun of my short height (my complex since childhood), calls me a sixth grader (apparently i look young for my age), and made me miserable when I broke up with my boyfriend. Luckily, no sleepovers took place this year...

Could my bro's friend be a dangerous person to me?

**Hopeless Dork** · 01-26-2010 10:38 PM

Yes, hun. Will he hurt you? I don't know, he might not. Is there a possibility that his bullying may escalate to assault? There is a possibility of that, yes. The behaviors he's shown are of a guy that has a hard time taking no for an answer, that doesn't respect bounderies and of someone that will exploit your kindness/politeness for his own benefit.

I think its important for you to talk to your mom about how you feel. I say this because it sounds like your parents are putting you in a dangerous situation when they sleep over at this house with you guys... and they have no idea. Knowing how uncomfortable this guy makes you will allow them to assume their role of protecting you, whether its by not sleeping in that house... or keeping you in a safe room with a lock on the door.

This guy may never do anything more than what he's done already. Or he may do something far far worse. Its much better to take the road that removes the possibility of him causing harm.

You can tell your mom you don't wish this to be a huge issue, but that you just don't feel comfortable sleeping there. I know you are probably worried about her saying something to his mom, her saying something to him and it becoming a sticky situation... express any worries you have about that to your mom so she handles the situation with care. He's not done anything truly harmful yet... but he's on a slippery slope and why take that risk.

**sperosi** · 01-27-2010 01:08 AM

yes, it looks like he is. you need to not allow yourself to be in those kind of situations with him in the future.

Hopeless dork gives you some very good advice on how to address this.

**Airmans Sweetie** · 01-27-2010 01:23 AM

i agree with HP, this is not a good situation & for ur safety u need to inform ur mother. this may seem somewhat harmless now but u can c a trend & it is escalating. he doesn't take no for an answer & he is very very very eager to touch or b as closer to u in ne possible way....whether u like it or not. he sees ur attempts to get out of the situation & isn't taking it lightly, he is finding ways around ur attempts. there is also alot of sexual drive behind it, i would say. u need to inform ur mom cause this will most likely get worse if something isn't done. please be careful!

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 01-27-2010 01:45 AM

Sweet, just a thought as I agree with the above people and this is obviously the same guy in your other thread.

If you feel un-comfortable talking to your Mother, talk to a family member that you are comfortable with.

If he does this again, then let him know straight out that you will be telling your family if he does it one more time.

Your brother doesn't interfere over this? Does your brother realise that he's putting his arm around you? Or does he think your all just sleeping somewhere for that night, if you don't mind answering.

CW

**secret0524** · 01-27-2010 08:52 PM

CW, you are very observant. Yes it is the same guy from the previous thread.
I don't think anyone takes real notice in this. My brother does not see these as a threat and my friend thinks he just likes to pester me for some reason that we do not really know.

I have never told my mother as she will go hysterical over such things and I somewhat fear that. Also, the guy is pretty sly at times, he knows how to get away with things since he is really good at making excuses or comebacks. Even the teacher (we have 1 class together) cannot fight back with any. His mother might think I'd be making false accusations since she will never think her own son would do such thing. So the rising tension I have quite feared so I never told anyone this and tried to keep myself anonymous as I wrote this on this board. Only time someone did try to stop was my friend, who sometimes takes notice of the brother bothering me and try to pull me out since I am too weak to fight back. Other than that, I believe that no 1 has taken true notice of the happenings.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 01-27-2010 09:52 PM

Do you fear him? Or is it just your personality, shy, so you find it hard to be forthright, whereby he would back off...

I remember when I was young, I had a fear of what "friends" would say, thinking I was being to much of a cow or something, to give someone what for.

I'm tending to think he may be thinking the same.. You won't say anything, and therefore, he may start there but then try something else which you DON'T want.

You have to use "preventive medicine" so to speak.

If he had respect, he wouldn't have done so, knowing you had a boyfriend at that time and he can see that you are "shy" or weak of being able to speak up for yourself, he will possibly try it on.

My brother does not see these as a threat

Tell your brother, your "scared" that he may one day touch you. That should make your brother sit up for a second and at the very least, tell this friend you better not ever touch my sister.

If you think your brother won't react like this to him, then yes telling your Mother would mean she would go hysterical at him but seriously, he's invading your space, your "private" space and he has no right too.

Do you have any other close "boys" that are family, cousins? Tell a cousin that's a boy, to tell him to cut it out, you don't like it and nor do they, regardless if he thinks it's "okay", it's not because YOU don't like it.

But please talk to either your brother or your male cousin. I appreciate where your coming from, but the only other thing you can do if you don't want to tell your parents, is to NOT be in that situation again in sleep overs so that he never gets the chance again.. Stay at another friends, make a call straight away and ask another friend if you can sleep on their floor .. Ok? ...

CW

**secret0524** · 01-27-2010 10:07 PM

Yes, I do fear that guy ever since he came over to my house. When we jump on the trampoline, he used to beat me up and bullied me ever since 4th grade. My personality might have some contribution since I'm the type that don't really talk of such matters to adults because as a young child I was often called a snitch and never really told on anything ever since.

I always doubted he truly had respect for me though. He was like the all time enemy in elementary to me but started acting strange in middle school to freshman year (sleepover years)

He is quite close with my brother so I highly doubt he'll believe me because he thinks that his friend hates me. On some occassions, my brother even joined in his bothering of me.

Unfortunately, my brother is my closest male relative. All my family except some of my dad's side (my family and their families hate each other except my dad). Rest are in a different country and I do not know any of them because I came to america at a very young age.

Fortunately though, my parents have vowed with their parents that they won't drink too much alcohol again. So there is a very good case a sleepover may never occur (but no one knows if it will happen again.). Even if this happens, that family might be offended and might make me stay here cuz they'll think that would be bothering that other family (that's the unfortunate part if the rare sleepover happens).

CW and the others I am very thankful to you guys on helping me on this :]
I feel like I can actually speak to someone about this for once.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 01-27-2010 10:14 PM

It's okay that's what we're here for.

Mmmm... Sounds like my brother when I was a kid

Boys are boys. They fight, they disrespect, they try it on, but mostly, unless they have a "dark side", they WILL understand clearly if said loud enough NO.

All I can suggest is that you say it as loud as possible so everyone else in that house, or room hear that word and come to you...

Whether your called a snitch or trouble maker or what ever. It's your body, your space like I said.

Make that noise and you can clearly say ,he didn't do anything major, but I don't need him putting his arms around me. That will give the other's the message your trying to get across without thinking your snitching, as your sort of standing up for him whilst STANDING up for yourself.

Do you think you could do this?

And, if possible move away straight away after stating that word.

CW