Thread: Girlfriend was molested (need advice)

Originally Posted by newhere808

One thing I would like to mention about the counseling, two things actually. The first is that you shouldn't push her into it (not saying you are). You can suggest it and even offer to find her one if she'd like, but don't be too persistent about it. It's very easy for people with a fragile state of mind or emotion to feel as if they are 'broken' or somethings wrong with them when being urged into counseling.

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OMG, newhere808 is so right about this. i have seen kids who because their parents got divorced were forced to go to counseling, and it completely had the opposite effect on them. they were doing ok with the separation and divorce until they were forced to go to counseling. thats when they did begin to think that everything was their fault. with at least one of them, i know it haunts their soul every day almost 30 years later...

be supportive, suggest she seek help, but tread gently for exactly what was said by newhere808.

I agree with sperosi and newhere. Tread carefully. Also, watch your ways/actions/gestures when you show your affection.

The way my husband and I were able to sort mine was that he is very proactive about my condition, and at the same time, I share to him exactly how I feel WHEN I feel it. I don't delay, and I believe, he taught himself to be more keen on my reactions, facial expressions and other subtle cues, such that he could tell if something is wrong with me.

First few nights, there were just the cuddling, gentle touching (even with that, he is very careful), gentle and loving kisses. He never pushed me into sex, never asked for it, never aggressive. He waited for me until I was ready.

He bought me a book, which he read to me every night as I sat tugged next to him, like a little girl. He facilitated my process of showing affection and receiving it in such a way that I feel safe all the time. Once I feel uncomfortable, we stop and talk about it.

When we decided to go to the next level, we had the lights on. It took me months, actually, until now, once in a while I still need the lights on. I cannot do "it" if I am not emotionally conditioned, hence, I am showered with lots and lots of touches of love here and there, wherever we are - don't get me wrong these are touches that convey affection, not the dirty ones.

I'd say, I am still in the process of healing, but I am way better than I used to be.

Sorry, that was a rant. I thought, maybe sharing my experiences might give you some insight. If you have a question in particular, feel free to PM.

Niclaus, i do have some information on teh subject if you would be wiling to privatley chat. as i am not so open with this subject. more so very sensitive but do have a lot of helpful words that you and your future wife can use. up to u!