He's so controlling it makes him hostile..help.

**teenagewoman** · 02-06-2010 11:40 AM

I have just split up from my boyfriend of three years (though we have split twice before now) because I feel like my life is off course in a sense. We have been dating since freshman year, and it is now my senior year at high school. I told him i need space because I want to figure out what to do with my life, and he is not helping, because he is trying to control everything I do and who I hang out with. A few weeks ago, one of my best friends (and also an ex) wanted to get coffee and talk. In public, not alone, and my boyfriends STILL wouldn't let me go. He is too jealous of this man, even though I have made it completely apparent that we have nothing more going on, are not even interested in each other, and just are friends. His jealousy is out of control. Even if I want to go to a friend's house (even if its a girl) he still texts me constantly, and if i don't respond he will keep trying. It makes him mad if i don't spend every second talking to him. This is even after we broke up! He also always suspects I am doing something behind his back. He always claimed he trusts me, but does it seem like it to you? He can't let go of the past, and he can't stop controlling my life even after we done. I don't know what to do. I loved him terribly but now he's invading my life and personal space. He makes it hard for me to ever want to get back with him.

I'm sorry if this is rambling and in an odd order. But i had to get it out.. Thanks for listening. Advice will be appreciated beyond belief.

**WildChild** · 02-06-2010 12:17 PM

Good for you recognizing that you need to stand on your own two feet!
He doesn't "let" you do or not do anything, my dear. YOU are allowing him to control you. Stop it. Now. Quit responding to his tests or calls, block his number if you have to. This is a very unhealthy situation to get into at any age and you are absolutely right that you need to find out who you are and what you want for yourself.

Stick to it!

**Hopeless Dork** · 02-06-2010 12:25 PM

Good for you for recognizing the signs of how unhealthy his controlling nature is for you. You only have one life on this earth that you know of for sure and to spend it under someones thumb with no breathing room to be you is such a waste of it. He is obviously afraid of losing you -- but his actions are a self-fullfilling prophecy.

**Futureboy** · 02-06-2010 01:15 PM

He is displaying some serious signs of being dangerous in the future. Sounds like you made the right decition. Good luck with you future and your future choices.

Fb

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 02-06-2010 02:03 PM

Teenagewoman...

You didn't leave for no reason.. You know the reasons and your an individual person who has a right to be herself. No "person" has the right to control what you do, it's their insecurity not yours but he goes beyond insecurity, his control as Futureboy picked up as well, is not healthy.

To need your every wake of attention is not healthy, it's a bit scary..

There is jealousy and there is control and you've seen and acknowledged both, good for you...

Add, that he "thinks" your cheating, when your not can esculate into a fight with a man, or can esculate into you being hurt as his thought patterns spiral out of control.

He needs to get it under raps.

I'm sorry that he was a long term love but he wasn't your first love and he won't be your last love, so start enjoying your freedom and who you are, because that is who you are meant to be..

CW

**rcoreyus** · 02-07-2010 01:14 AM

As others have said, you've broken up, he has no right to know what you are doing. You don not need to answer his calls or texts. You absolutely did the right thin leaving - his sort of behaviour could turn dangerous.

If he threatens you, get help right away (parents, or police). I strongly urge you not to get back together with this guy - he sounds like bad news.

**newhere808** · 02-07-2010 04:53 AM

Originally Posted by rcoreyus

As others have said, you've broken up, he has no right to know what you are doing. You don not need to answer his calls or texts. You absolutely did the right thin leaving - his sort of behaviour could turn dangerous.

If he threatens you, get help right away (parents, or police). I strongly urge you not to get back together with this guy - he sounds like bad news.

Exactly, he is showing some severe early warning signs, but you need to completely break it off with him. Ignore him, and if he becomes insistent in person, then contact the police either alone or with you parents and seek our a TRO (temp restraining order) if he still doesn't get the hint.