Need help with relationship Please!
Alright, we first met about 9 months ago. We dated for about 4 or 5 months. We moved very fast. She said I love you about a month in, she said she had never felt about anyone ever like this. Towards the end of the summer she said "She doesn't feel the same way about us". We broke up, very dramatic. THis is my first relationship, so I'm new to this. She told me that she needed to do it for herself; I went along with it. She told me it wasn't a matter of if we were to get back together, but when. About 3 to 4 weeks later, we hung out one night, she fell back in love. It was great, we got back together. Things have been great ever since, untill today.
We had been fighting recetly and been kind of hostile towards each other now and then. Today, we were supposed to hang out, she was dropped off, but then started started talking to a lot of people. I wanted to leave, so when she was all done talking to everyone, I ignored her. I know not the best idea, i regret it. When we got into my car to go back to my house, she said "I"m done" "I've been thinking about us for a while, and I'm done." We fought on the way back, and for another 3 hours after. Same story as before, "I have been thinking about us, and I dont feel the same way as i used to." We talked and talked, she wanted to break up when we got to my house, but when she left, she was going to "Think about it". (Very settling)
We've been talking about our future together, what kind of house we want, what kind of cars, dogs... I've done soooooooo much for her. She had camp last summer in maine, 7 hours away. I picked her up, and dropped her off 4 times. I've picked her up from concerts while i was in the middle of hanging out with my friends. Our 6 month anniversary, I brought her to her favorite place, got her a new phone, very very expensive resturant. Christmas, got her a engaged to be engaged , or "promise" ring; she suggested we'd do that. I could go on forever how much i've done for her. I expect nothing in return but appreciation, which I feel i don't get.
Please help. Any ideas, suggestions would be very much appreciated.
Thanks
she is no where near ready to be in a real relationship. if she is gonna break up every time things get tough, you'll spend more time alone than together.
she has been using you, like getting you to buy a promise ring, getting you to drive 7 hours to pick her up 4 times over, etc.
you deserve much better than that. cut the rope on her and find someone that deserves to have a wonderful person like you.
Chalk this one up to a learning experience and move on. She's playing games.
We can only learn to love by loving. - Iris Mudoch, British writer
Couldn't agree more with the two posters above me.
I've been asking for advise about this since the last time it happened, and I got the same reaponce. All of my friends think that she's using me, but she's really not. I was just very giving. She didn't ask for a nice ring or for me to pick her up, I happily offered to do all of those things. She may be immature, but I am willing to deal with anything just for her. I really don't want the only option to be leaving her. I just think its funny that after all we've been through, and all I've done, she can say, "I'm done" so easily.
What makes this girl so special that you want to hold on, after her breaking up with you more than once now?
Even if you would still do anything to be with her, it looks like she doesn't want to be with you, and that decision (even though it seems changeable with her) should be respected.
Yeah but, its not like she's saying, I don't want to be with you ever again. She's saying, I just want to break up again, and have you wait untill I want to be in a relationshio again.
Tbh, people ave given you advice, all giving you the same advice, but you've decided they're wrong. So why keep askin?
Tell her if she wants to get back together, she knows where to find you. Then leave her alone. Don't message, nowt. If she comes crawlin back, don't spend money on her and that. Don't pamper her like a princess, don't spoil her, however much you're tempted. Then you'll know if she's really in it for you.
We're still together now, ages just rethinking the relationship. I haven't spoiled her, or bought her any gifts since Christmas, but I also haven't stopped doing nice things for her. Like the other day, she forgot her jacket before going to school, she asked me to go to her house and get it. Without hesitation, I said yes. I also got her her favorite food and drink, and brought it to her. But I can't think of one nice thing ages done for me, not one. I don't mind that, but it would make it feel more like a hive and take relationship, rather than just giving. I'm just asking what I can do to fix this, or make it go back to the way it was. Should we not speak to each other for a week? Month? Ill try anything
In my opinion, you're investing too much in it. It might seem logical to run after and do everything for the person you love and to keep the person you love, but in reality it does just make them take you for granted.
I'd recommend taking a step back. Stop asking her what you can do to make it better and running errands for her, even though it might be difficult. Start hangin with other girls. It'll give the double effect of making you feel better by giving you more options and making her realise she could lose something very important to her.
It might not feel natural but you've gota play the game sometimes. I think she'll respond a lot more to this than chasing after her. When she realises you're not chasing and runnin after her, you'll become a lot more interesting to her :P
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