The attraction of the "taken"
I've talked about this with some friends and it seems that men may be more attractive attached than they were single for some of the following reasons:
A woman see's a man in a relationship and see's him as a quality 'mate'... someone has deemed him as such so he must be. That its almost instinctual that a woman seek a man that she deems a good protector and provider etc... and if a woman has identified him as such, his stock just went up.
Another thing especially when it comes to girls attracted to their friends boyfriends/husbands is that they always see the man in a romantic role. They see him when he is with his significant other, in front of her friends, so on his 'best behavior'. They see the hand holding, the hugs, the affection and kindess and think 'wow' he must be like that all the time, he's so romantic, etc etc.... they don't see the guy at home in boxers with chip crumbs all over his chest
Men it seems, don't have as much attraction to the idea of a taken woman, since they are more about instinctually looking for someone they can breed up, the less available a woman is for such, the less they are likely naturally drawn to her.
Of course where there is physical attraction that will top the fact the woman is 'taken' in some cases... but as far as a man being attracted to a woman simply because she is off the market... doesn't seem as prevelent as it is with some women.
Thoughts? Opinions?
Scars remind us of where we've been...they don't have to dictate where we're going.
I don't know I'm just about never attracted to a man who is in a relationship. Doesn't matter if they are married, engaged or dating someone, there is just no appeal. I've always been that way.
The few exceptions have been when I did know they were in a relationship, once I knew I was gone.
We can only learn to love by loving. - Iris Mudoch, British writer
A guy will often look more attractive if he is popular with other women. It's like the 'boyband' effect. That woman rates him highly, therefore he must be a quality mate. You've hit the nail on the head there, I think.
Perhaps part of the allure is a 'forbidden fruits' thing or perhaps it's more of a challenge and therefore more of a success if you manage to secure his attentions? I couldn't possibly comment, I'm just interpretting things I've heard other women say.
For guys though, girls being in a relationship doesn't really do much for us. Perhaps, if you're just looking for sex, it's useful because there's less chance of her chasing after you or if you get her knocked up, the other dude will end up lookin after the kid so less risk there. Also, sometimes girls are so pissed off with their boyfriends, they'll just hook up with whatever's stuck under their nose, which is obviously excellent. When you call a guy up and tell him 'My bf's bein such a sod, I just need to chill out with someone right now' you can't see it over the phone, but silently cheering and punching the air in celebration of the approaching coitus.
On the other hand, possible STIs, big mushly angry boyfriends and just general grief in this region are the drawbacks. Plus, people may have moral concerns. Generally though, I've never found a woman any more or less attractive based on whether or not she is taken though. There's plenty girls to go round and I don't think cheatin is nice.
Me personally - I am not attracted to a taken man. In fact, men in relationships that even just flirt with me turn me off entirely.
I've just seen time and again a woman completely disinterested in a man all of a sudden becoming attracted to him when he gets involved with someone else.
I do think there is a competitve nature to it. Ibe known girls that get an ego boost from snaking a guy that has pledged his heart elsewhere. Kind of like - wow I'm so special he'll break his vows for me.
When in fact its more of a case of , he's such a loser he'd break those promises for anyone.
Scars remind us of where we've been...they don't have to dictate where we're going.
Chris Rock once said..
A man introduces his girlfriend to his buddies and they'll think 'I gotta get me A girl like that!'
A woman introduces her boyfriend to her friends and they'll think 'I gotta get me THAT man!'
Haha I loved that joke because it is UNFORTUNATELY... SOSOSO true a lot of times. Its almost as if the fact a guy is in a relationship makes some girls notice his worth more. Like hmmm if so and so is happy as can be with this guy... maybe HE can make me that happy too... rather than I want to find a guy that makes me as happy as her guy makes her.
Scars remind us of where we've been...they don't have to dictate where we're going.
Originally Posted by Tex
Chris Rock once said..
A man introduces his girlfriend to his buddies and they'll think 'I gotta get me A girl like that!'
A woman introduces her boyfriend to her friends and they'll think 'I gotta get me THAT man!'
SOOOOOOOOOOO TRUE
I think the attraction is the way in which the two people present themselves. If they stare at each other, smile, touchy feeling, the other party wants what they have.
And, usually don't have it.
CW
Do we not realise that in order to find a soul
It doesn't happen over night
if truth were to be told.
Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
you must believe!
Catch 22 for the guy.. when he's single and wants the attention, he doesn't get as much attention when he's taken and doesn't want the attention.
I'm the exact same way.
Its really annoying. I had a terrible time finding any women who were interested in me when I was single. Not that I'm married there seems to be endless opportunity.
Catch 22 for the guy.. when he's single and wants the attention, he doesn't get as much attention when he's taken and doesn't want the attention.
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