Been a long long road

**drchandra** · 03-01-2010 08:11 PM

Guys don't want to be friends.

**OhThereYouAre** · 03-02-2010 07:25 AM

Originally Posted by Hopeless Dork

I didn't read that as her calling him the "bad mean man" she said he didn't deserve her affections. If he didn't want her affections, that would mean he isn't deserving of them based on sheer lack of not wanting them alone.

Meh...there was a negative connotation to it. As in, he isn't deserving of her time/effort because he is below her since he doesn't feel the same about her as she does about him.

Well, she sure thinks he is, otherwise she wouldn't have spent her time with him. He's a man, not an animal or some lower being. He's entitled to his happiness....and he's entitled to state it. Otherwise, what's the point of being honest?

And who says he doesn't want her affection? Maybe he is just thinking about what is best for both of them? I've let women go before not because I wanted to, but because I knew it wouldn't work. And keeping them around would be selfish on my part.

Originally Posted by Hopeless Dork

I know you like to play devils advocate... I think you miss the point in doing so sometimes that in a case like this sometimes a person just needs to be supported. That poster was supporting her.

I think sometimes you may miss the point in that support also means being realistic and not just patting someone on the back because they are feeling down. Giving support also entails encouraging rational behavior and encouraging positive thinking so an individual is better positioned going forward.

Originally Posted by Hopeless Dork

I think if someone doesn't want your affection, they aren't worthy of it.

I don't agree with that. What about relationships that take time to develop? What about individuals who go their separate ways only to reconnect later in life?

Any good woman or person for that matter is worthy of my affection. Whether it's realistic for me to give is up to me to decide.

**WildChild** · 03-02-2010 07:40 AM

OTYA makes a good point, sometimes the most loving thing you can do is to let someone go with good will.

**GoodEgg** · 03-04-2010 12:54 PM

Sorry that this thread kind of took an argumentative tone. Did not intend for that to be the case. I just wanted to thank everyone for their thoughtful input as usual. It brought me a lot of comfort.

There was never any intention to villify this guy I dated. I was more interested in knowing what others did when faced with the "I want to be friends. Can we?" question.

At this point, I don't think I'm emotionally ready to accept a friendship with him. I am ready to concede that we both made mistakes and both of us have our faults. It really rang true this time around that the pain came in stages. A friend pointed out to me that I am probably still in disbelief that such a central person in my life is now no longer there. It's only been a week, but I think I'm accepting the reality and now am wavering between the moments of anger and grief.

I think I will get there, eventually WC, where I can let him go with good will (I am not so noble a person that I can do it right off the bat), but for now, I will simply focus on healing.

**Mayberry** · 03-10-2010 05:38 AM

GoodEgg, you definitely need time to heal and find your inner core and stability before you can think about being friends. And don't let him rush you into being friends or catching up and hanging out. It will probably be months before you can even think of him without a pang of pain, and I know myself that I've had to just stop seeing someone and I asked for no contact at all because it's the only way I'm able to allow myself to move on. It has been hard and I've wanted to call him almost every day, but giving myself this time to remember who I am and what I want makes me feel like eventually I'll get to the point where I will be able to see him and hang out as friends. But not yet, definitely not for a while yet.

**GoodEgg** · 03-13-2010 04:40 PM

I know what you're going through, Mayberry. My SO and I been broken up now just over 2 weeks and he's already called me once last week and just texted me a short time ago. I so wanted to text him last night, but I've been good.

I still feel pangs of pain too although it comes and goes in moments now, rather than days which is what it was like the weekend after.

You are the second person to mention a core to me. My friend in Washington likes that term and says I need to build it up so that no one can ever take that away from me again. I just hope it's possible for someone with my personality to build up a core and not deprive myself from being able to feel my emotions fully.

It's hard learning to live for yourself again. I have to get back in touch with who I am and what I like to do. So far, it's new music, books, going out by myself and for some reason, learning Finnish.