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sorry bout the novel
ruined everything -have i done my best to fix it?
id been seeing this guy for 2 years, we had gone through pretty much everything, we'd broken up so many times but i still love him. he's always been there for me, before that we were good friends. lets call him bob,
no relationship is perfect,at the beginning of this one he cheated on me with his ex of a year, sadly i didnt find out till after i was hooked, and didnt do anything about it, yes it did cause a few mug throwing arguements , a few bad nights with various bottles of spirits, but no matter what we got back together.
I was always depressed when alone, I couldnt handle it I always ran back to him, concluding that even tho it wasnt perfect with him its alot better then being alone, he kept me distracted.
a few moths ago we went to have a few drinks with a few of his friends, it was fine, same as usual.
being the incredibly stupid people that we are we had a bit too much to drink, it was just one of those nights where everyone was having fun, i sent bob to be after i new he'd had way to much , which was fine,(it thought responsible) but by that time i was just getting started. i ended up spending the rest of the night talking to a friend of his, dave, he was gorgous and we just got along great, n some how ended up getting a little to cozy(nothing to bad) on the only spare couch.
morning came , bob woke up , found me on the couch with him n said very little , just asked y i ended up there im sure i said something along the lines of " just ended up there and nothing happend".just before we left i for some stupid reason gave dave my number.
that night dave txted me n somehow i ended up at his, it was fine and innocent for hours, i was just there hanging out with him n his flatmate, till i started dozing off n the plan was i was going to sleep in the spare bed in his room, cept the moment his flatmate left it all changed, i was reluctant at first i new the consequences but there was something about him i just couldnt stop. there was no sex that night.sadly it was that time of the month, i did want it. anyway a few days later bob found out, he was suspicious after the night on the couch and " burrowed" daves phone one night , read the conversation that got me to his and well busted.
the next day i went away for a week, ( Bad timing but couldnt get out of it) when i came back it was all different, a few weeks later bob forgave me and everything went back to normal . ocasionally i saw dave at more partys, it cheered me up, but drove me insane he wouldnt talk to me , turns out he promised bob he would stay away.
months later bob left town for a while and dave chose then to turn up, he new i wouldnt be able to say no, resulted n me ending it with bob the moment he got back , he was heartbroken, but i was to distracted,to self obsessed, anyway started seeing dave, ended with in the week, the sex was horrible but i cant get over it. i ruined everything for nothing, i can always get bob back , i prooved that last week with the stupid affair but hes better off without me i think he is anyway , so i wiped out all possible ways of me getting in contact with them , was that the right thing to do? , should i drag bob away from his new gf justt to cling onto the past, or was this the final straw?
sorry bout the novel
I think you absolutely did the right thing by letting go of Bob, I'd pat myself on the back if I were you... That sort of decision is very difficult and a lot of people in your situation would have been too weak or selfish to think of the other person's well-being!
Now, as for YOUR well-being... You remind me a lot of my best friend. She seems to have piles of men everywhere she looks, and speaking from personal experience as well, that sort of thing can really wear a person down emotionally.
In my opinion, if you were my friend and came asking for advice, I would tell you to STOP having ANY sorts of non-platonic relationships with guys for a while. Just take it easy and focus on building less dubious relationships with people, live your life, be happy, and then maybe down the road when you convince yourself that you DON'T need a man, you'll find one that complements your life really well instead of sort of... being the center of your tumultuous world.
im pretty much forcing myslef to stay away, i deleted all possible ways of getting ahold of either me getting ahold of them
cept i miss bob, we did have our issues but i couldnt do that to his new partner. i felt she is currently where i was 2 years ago when he cheated on me, i was the ex and she is the future, finding out about that in the first place destroyed me i was an absolute wreck, how can i wish that on someone else, shes a nice girl , weve met a few times , shes much better for him, i jsut cause drama im sure i should stay away .
Yep it's hard to stay away sometimes, even if you know that that relationship is absolutely not for you.
Hang in there, like I said give hooking up with guys a rest for a while... and come back in to the "game" fresh, stronger than ever, and knowing exactly what you want.
I think the fact that you were attracted to someone else, all be it that he was keen on exploring and that never panned out for both of you, as far as a new relationship goes, means that you weren't really in love with Bob.
You've mentioned that you, "get lonely" better the Devil you know persay, than being alone...
Well, now it's time to find you more huh...
Rebounds when your not happy in life, usually do turn out the way yours turned out..
But, you need to find someone you truly love and are happy with that doesn't cheat on you, that you don't feel the need to do the same.
THEN you will be truly happy.
So, smile and know that, Bob was a part of your life, one that you'll remember, one that wasn't for you and that you will find someone to love who loves you where those temptations won't ever occur...
It's fun. It's exciting, it can way be a let down in the bed departmentBut, no point going backwards, only go forwards.
Also for Bob... He needs someone who is compatible and not there just because the lady doesn't want to be alone, but for him.
Good for you on that note as Mes said.
Good luck on your new journey..
CW
Do we not realise that in order to find a soul
It doesn't happen over night
if truth were to be told.
Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
you must believe!
Alone time is just what the doctor ordered for you my dear.
Try it....know that you'll go through some rough periods, know that sometimes you'll cry, sometimes you'll feel lonely, but pick yourself back up and eventually you'll not only love your alone time, but you'll be a perfect mate for someone really special.
Join a gym, start planning evenings with your girlfriends, if you don't have any girlfriends make a conscious effort to make some. What are some things you REALLY enjoy doing? Example: If you love going to the movies, then by all means go, and don't feel "weird" if you go by yourself. Its important to start finding things you can do that you enjoy, so that you train your mind that it's not so bad to be by yourself. It's all about self worth and self love. If you truly want to be loved, you must first love yourself.......because if you can't love you, what makes you think someone else can?
Good luck in your adventure. And good job on being unselfish and letting Bob go.
i view showing emotion as a sign of weakness, crying , love and things like that are all signs of weakness.
when ever upset my basic instinct is to run, hide out from everying , hide that weakness.
bob was everything to me for such a long time, i got use to him being here, no matter what happened he would always let me come back into his life, get everything back to normal.
the night dave turned up id been argueing with bob , i cant remember what about, all i remember was dave was something else.
he was fun, he was out of the ordinary, and definatly unresponsible.
which was the complete oppisite to everything that was in my life at that point.
id been working alot, being over christmas i was doing 15 hour days at work,i had very little time off. i was tired , run down and just well insane.
the relationship with dave wasnt entirely normal, he had his life and i had mine, we would meet up on my days off, go on dates and all that, but everyother day i never herd from him, he would disapear out of town for a week here and there , only telling me after he has gotten back, it was so strange, when he was aaround he just cheered me up, made me laugh , made me forget about the hassles at work but at the same time stressed me out with the whole sex thing, ended up destroying pretty much most of my confidence, tore me to shreds really,
hobbies wise, i ended up giving them all up back when i started working the long hours, i just didnt have time, now im just not into them.i use to love to read, but i jsut cant find a book that interests me , all the ones i use to read over and over bore me before the end of the first chapter,
i use to paint but , that was because bob loved them , i didnt think i was anygood , there all at his place now,
I think you are doing the right thing by staying away from Bob. You know the power you hold over him and you can very well disrupt his happiness with his gf ... take all the healing he has been working on and drag him back to square one with being in love with you and hurting at the same time.
He might have some kind of insecurity or low self esteem issues that would lead him to take back so easily someone that hurt him so deep... but obviously somwhere deep inside he is going to hold your transgression against you. And if you were so easily distracted from him, I don't think you are very into him, know what I mean?
Let the bygones be bygones, let him move on with his life and start fresh with someone new, someone untangled from that web of him and his friends and roomates. Where you can be respected and trusted and just have a clean slate to start with.
Scars remind us of where we've been...they don't have to dictate where we're going.
i dont no why but dave tured up again, its what he does i spoze, i hadnt herd from him i over a month and then he calls, 6 hours later we hang up, after a not soo inocent conversation, iv told him what he does when he turns up, he says stay away for good and then there he is again,
i spend so long just forcing myself to not think about him and everything that happened, and if i insist i try and think of the bad things, the changing his mind, the randomly leaving town for weeks.
i was mending, why did he have to appear again, this is all so repeditive,
im afraid of comfronting him more, im sure his answer will be the same , " i dont no why" or i jsut love your voice n so on.
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