Girlfriend to me - friend in public - ???

**hollyhocks** · 03-24-2010 10:42 PM

I've started seeing someone a month ago and we get along (seems to me) really really well. We've had the "what are we talk," and the final was we're seeing where things go, we're dating / hanging out.

To me it seems he gives off the total 'your my girlfriend' vibe and also by the things he says to me. I've only been virtually introduced to one of his friends (Skype cam) he lives 20 / 30 mins away. He didn't introduce me as this is "Holly my girlfriend" he said this is "Holly." But then he told me later he showed her all my pictures to her.

Hasn't claimed he is dating me or anyone online or changed status of Relationship: and he does have listed Looking For: Friends, dating, long term relationship.

He says the most incredibly nice things to me - charming, sweet, compliments ect...He says things like "Can I keep you?" I know he's really busy so I highly highly doubt (99% sure) he's not seeing anyone else.

Am I reading too much into him not claiming me as his girlfriend in public or online?

We're both older. He's 53 (and very young at heart) and I'm 39 (very young at heart) if this makes a difference.

**Mes T** · 03-24-2010 10:47 PM

I don't know what exactly is on his mind but I think you should have a talk about this sooner rather than later. My best friend recently dated a guy and was serious about him, wanting a committed relationship, but the guy ended up wanting just casual dating. But he too would say really sweet things to her in private and so on, so she was really confused by the whole thing.

**Hopeless Dork** · 03-24-2010 10:59 PM

A lot of people make their profiles then don't really think abou them or mess with them again. I know friends that have changed jobs years ago and still have their old job listed on their profile, etc. Its something not everyone puts a lot of attention to detail on.

If you guys have only been together a month, it might take a little more time before he feels comfortable referring to you as his girlfriend... perhaps he wants to make sure thats how you see yourself.

I'd give it a little more time. If after a few months of dating exclusively ... he still isn't introducing you as his girlfriend, you should bring it up to him that it would make you feel good to be refferred to as such if thats what he considers you

**hollyhocks** · 03-24-2010 11:05 PM

Both posts make a lot of sense to me and I think I’m going to wait and watch... I definitely want a committed relationship but it has only been a month so... too early to say which way this could go.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 03-25-2010 12:46 AM

Dating sites are scary, I've done them

He would be firstly over the moon Holy that your 39 years of age, one of the biggest fears for a man over 50 on those sights is that he will not be loved again, find love and sometimes, doesn't believe therefore, it will be true.

This may be the case with you. Your 39 years of age, are you really going to hang around? Is this really going to go somewhere?

I think when he says " can I keep you", he means it, but he's not about to go and tell the world and look like a, if you happen to say, um, sorry I thought that things were great but they're not working out, because some 41 year old spunk walked into your work and blew you away

That's what I am thinking, he's thinking.

So, take time, see and make sure you really are happy with him and let him see your a stayer, he will soon change his status, I'm sure.

CW

**kygirl** · 03-25-2010 07:44 AM

Holly,

I agree with everyone else. If he says nice things, spends as much time with you as he can and doesn't give you any vibes that maybe he's not into you, then I wouldn't stress too much. It's different for different people. and I don't think you have to always say "Holly, my girlfriend". After a little while, if he's into you, people are gonna know you're together. I've never *formally* been introduced as my beaus girlfriend, but we're planning our first trip together, he has told his mother about me, and all his friends ask him how things are going between us. Sometimes it's just about reassurance which we sometimes need more than males. Give it time and don't put so much emphasis on the labels. I've had "boyfriends" who were jerks to me and then I've dated guys where it naturally just went that way.

Best of luck to you both

**kygirl** · 03-25-2010 07:46 AM

One more thing in re: to the status. I got SOOO tired of feeling pressure or worrying about status that I took mine off any profiles where it wasn't required. It can be official regardless of what it says online... People worry too much about that!

**Beautiful Disaster** · 03-25-2010 08:36 AM

I've had guys bug the pee out of me about our "status". They'd say "So what are we now?", and "My friends ask me what we are and I don't know what to tell them". I'm so frustrated by that. haha. So my current BF finally just asked me one day "so can I change my facebook status to "In a relationship", and my response was "if labeling will make you feel good, then feel free", so he did. I eventually changed mine too just cause it felt awkward with his being one way and mine being the other, I figured eventually the "guys" would give him a hard time about that too. But I think it's a bit silly, the "what are we?" convo.

I figure if I'm with you, giving you my time and my affection and not giving that to anyone else.......then if you REQUIRE verbal assurance from me, then something is wrong with our relationship. But that's just me. In your case, at his age, he probably feels like the whole labeling and such is juvenile. Hey girl, he's asking can he "keep you"....so smile and enjoy it!!

Don't let society's labels interrupt your enjoyment. The relationship is VERY new, and there's just no need for it.