Should I date someone who has a "Bad" reputation?

**sexybabe** · 03-25-2010 09:01 AM

I met this guy at a dive trip last year but I was still with my ex bf then who was also in that trip. I was never interested in this guy but during the trip I did notice that he was good looking. That's about it. Then I recently broke up with my ex and when this other guy learned that thru Facebook he started messaging me and asking me out.

Now here's the thing. This guy has a bad reputation in the diving community. I heard stories that during this trip that we went to together, he got drunk and tried to kiss one of the girls and then the other, he allegedly jumped in her bed and hugged her playfully and asked when she lost her virginity. Obviously no one invited him again in any post-trip reunion or party since everyone thought of him as a maniac.

Now I wanna at least try dating this guy because he seems nice and I'm quite curious to see him again. But Im concerned about what the other divers would say when they find out that I'm seeing this guy, with full knowledge of what he did in that trip. My ex bf is a respected diver, and a dive master candidate, and truly loved by everyone. Im sure they would react (and maybe laugh at me even... or think that Im desperate!) by dating this guy who, in their eyes, is NO MATCH to my ex.

Im really sad and honestly I dont think Im ready to date, but my friend's been urging me to give it a try, to come out of my shell and stop isolating myself from men. I know deep in my heart that I still love my ex. I never stopped loving him. But Im doing whatever it takes to move on with my life and that should include seeing other people too! But with that kind of reputation, and the rumors that might circulate within the diving community, should I date this person??? Im so confused and pressured because he keeps texting me everyday to ask me out. I kind of "enjoy" the feeling of being wanted again, because after the breakup I was really crushed to my core and my self-esteem completely went down the drain.

I'm so confused... need some advise. Thanks!

**sourpuss** · 03-25-2010 09:04 AM

It's maybe not such a good idea to date someone so close to the circle that your ex is in.
I agree that maybe you should go on some dates, but not with someone that is acquainted with the same group of people your ex is.

Not worth it.

**sperosi** · 03-25-2010 10:12 AM

no, and especially not this person! i agree with the reasons SP has mentioned, and add the behaviors he's exhibited.

**Beautiful Disaster** · 03-25-2010 10:27 AM

I agree that you should get out there and date, test the waters a bit...but don't ever put yourself in a situation that is knowingly a bad one, especially when you're already vulnerable. And like SP said, not with someone you and your ex mutually know. It's time to move on, and dating someone in that circle of people will only keep you down longer. Don't play into that. You're a pretty girl and once you put yourself out there, there will be plenty of guys who want to date you. Enjoy his interest as flattery, but nothing else.

**MissMeSha810** · 03-25-2010 10:33 AM

No sweets. Going off of what you said, you're vulnerable right now so it is really not a good time. If you were not in that state of mind, then I would say go ahead and take a walk on the live wire of danger and date this guy. People talk and its all about how you feel. But you don't wanna date him and regret something that you've done once you shake off that invulnerable stage. Dating would be good for you right now, but not someone who is in and inner circle with the ex, on that I agree with the others. Good luck

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 03-25-2010 01:21 PM

I know that we have one life and should do what we want in that life, but Morals come to play here in my opinion.

Not only would your ex-boyfriend be disturbed and his friends, their immediate reaction would be you've changed and the person they thought you were, you weren't for going out this this guy who is let's say, not welcome in that group, thereby they more than likely would all talk behind your back and out you, but the guy in my opinion, is a leach.

Sorry, but see you see one thing" good looking"... rebound... getting together with a goodlooking guy for the sake of it, but if he talks about virginity to a woman, he's disrespectful, he has the typical boy thing happening, what he wants.. you know what I mean.. So, your single, he's good looking, another one?

Why would you put yourself through all of that?

Leave it well alone I think and if you need to rebound go for it, but with someone no one knows about.

Certainly, you may believe that this guy will make you his girlfriend but check it all out, I imagine even if he had one, he plays and if he didn't have one, it's because he plays... Always think before you act and check things out, your reputation, your inner self, your heart should always be guarded.. Because once done it can't be un-done.

CW

**sexybabe** · 03-26-2010 09:51 AM

Thank you so much! Everything you said makes sense! I ALMOST saw him tonight.. he knew where I was going to hang out with my girlfriends (my bad, I told him)... GOOD THING we changed our minds and ended up having dinner somewhere else. So this guy called me (luckily I missed his call) and said that he went to the place and was looking around for me. He said he "looked for me kinda long".... Yiiiiikes stalker!!!! And then I said sorry I missed his call and that we moved to another place. He goes, "Np, it was not meant to be"... and I replied "Yeah, I guess not" Hahaha! Hopefully that would be the last exchange of messages.

Thank you! Now I don't feel I might regret not dating him.

There's just so many fishes in the ocean. As a scuba diver, I learned that some marine life may look very tempting to touch, but you gotta be careful because some of them are poisonous. I guess the same is true with this handsome man... he's just really nice to look at! LoL!

**sexybabe** · 03-26-2010 10:11 AM

BTW, this whole experience with this good looking guy kind off left me depressed all over again.... Coz it suddenly hit me that no one could still come close to my ex. He is so gentle and kind and sweet... Ok I know it's not like I already met the rest of the guys on the face of this planet, but I sudenly realized how I am actually using my ex as a reference by which I measure everyone against. If they're not remotely close to how wonderful he is, and how he made me feel the very moment I laid my eyes on him, then they don't stand a chance. It sucks. This realization kinda made me turn on the waterworks again

**MissMeSha810** · 03-26-2010 11:38 AM

Aaaaawwww. Look, don't feel depressed sweety. I'm sure we have all been there, right ladies? For right now, concentrate more on yourself or do what I like to do...RETAIL THERAPY!!! Shop til you drop!!! And get some Teriyaki chicken from the food court!!!

. Or video games that require you to stimulate your mind and solve puzzles and not think about what's his name. lol. And then there's always going out, looking flawless and get a bunch of guys numbers and throw them all in the trash!!!

**jusmin** · 03-28-2010 06:36 AM

So,, if this guy doing it to you and makes you butterfly you should date with him - BUT - you should try to play it hard to get because those kind of guys should needed to be tough on them.