Women, is this a deal breaker in a serious relationship

**HajimeSaito** · 03-25-2010 08:06 PM

Sorry if I am not allowed here. Permit me this one question and I will leave.

Haven't been a relationship in a long time, only friends/w benefits deals. But I yearn for more. Something serious.

Consider you meet a man,

Objectively speaking, do you think it is a turn-off if a man has a heart tattoo on his chest with the words "R.I.P." then the name of his committed lover that died in an accident?

Would it bother you if every time you are having sex with him you see that tattoo with the memorial to the lover that died? Would that take away from the emotional intimacy?

Would this make you think that you could never be his #1 in his heart?

**Mes T** · 03-25-2010 08:09 PM

Guys are more than welcome here, I encourage you to stick around!

If I'm being honest, yes, that might be a deal-breaker for me, especially if I found it early on in the relationship.

It might not be a deal-breaker if I found it later... but my feelings would be hurt, probably.

Then again not all women are as "sensitive" about this as I am, so it really depends on the girl!

**HajimeSaito** · 03-25-2010 08:13 PM

It is as I expected. It will be interesting to see what everyone says.

And if it wasn't clear, I don't mean a guy gets the tattoo while he's in the relationship with you, that would be terrible lol. He already has it.

I don't know how to bring up it. My senses tell me that waiting until the first time we are ready to get physically intimate would be a mistake. I don't know.

**MissMeSha810** · 03-25-2010 08:14 PM

Me personally, I would have to respect that. And I'm gonna be blunt on this one, If she can't respect that, then she needs to step off! I usually don't condone kicking someone to the curb, but if you can't respect a loved one of mine that I have a tatted memoir of, then you need to kick rocks! Good luck and P.S. you are more than welcome there are other men here as well

**Mes T** · 03-25-2010 08:16 PM

Haha.

Hopefully your girl's like MissMeSha!

I agree, waiting until you're about to take your clothes off would be bad timing.

Just bring it up in a sensitive way while you're having a nice long chat about whatever.

**MissMeSha810** · 03-25-2010 08:20 PM

My fault, we must all be writing at the same time....I got fired up cause I thought she saw it already...OOOPS

.....Oh no, don't just flash it at her in the middle of getting ready to get some cookies, that would be the wrong time because it would definitely turn into a conversation or confrontation right then and there!

**xJanex** · 03-25-2010 11:49 PM

hey welcome to the forum stay here and have a rant lol..

it wouldnt bother me..and i dont think i would really question the tattoo as its personal, it could be anybody, could be a friend, sister, mother..
but people need to move on and if she is not willing to be with you beucase of a tattoo of a loved one then I think you will need to move on..

**want2live** · 03-26-2010 12:01 AM

I don't think it would be a deal-breaker. If you take your time getting to know someone and you think the relationship is going somewhere it'd be good to let them know about your previous partner - how close you were and how you lost her. If she is a nice person she will probably respond with bucket loads of sympathy for your loss. From there its not a big leap when she sees the tattoo - we all keep loved ones we have lost in our heart and I think that is how a woman would see your tattoo if she's not self-obsessed.

I think the key here is - are you ready to move on and be committed to another woman? As long as the new woman in your life feels like you love her for who she is (not like you're using her as a replacement) I can't see how it would be a problem.

If a woman can't respect where you have come from then she is not the right one for you. Just be tactful so she doesn't see the tattoo first and then get all suss on why you have someone else's name tattooed on you....

**p3375** · 03-26-2010 01:45 AM

I don't do tats myself, but find them interesting if they are both well-done and actually mean something to the wearer. IMO, tats w/o a real history or story behind it is just, hmmm, gilding the lilly. What you describe wouldn't offend me a bit. And if your friend doesn't like it - turn off the lights

P
oh, yeah... welcome - stick around and share

**Iseulda** · 03-26-2010 05:38 AM

Firstly, Hajime, I'm sorry for your loss.

This is a difficult one. Putting myself in that situation, I know it shouldn't bother me - but I can't help but think it would.

It isn't a rational thing. Most of us over a certain age have loved and lost in one way or another and we have to accept that about our partners too. I just think that seeing that memento of your love for someone else every time you are intimate may well be too much for many women.

As I say, I don't think it is entirely reasonable of me - but that's my gut reaction.

Hopefully you can find a woman who will see past the 'someone else-ness' that would bother me and see only the love and dedication.