Initiating advice

**smj91** · 03-30-2010 11:48 PM

Hello, thank you in advance for reading. I am a 23 year old guy, so I apologize if it's inappropriate that I post in this forum. I really just need some advice about an area of my life in which I feel woefully inadaquate, and have never seemed to be able to inititiate. Though I feel insecure admitting this, my dating life up until now has been virtually non-existant. Anytime I'm in a social setting with women, I feel every other guy around me is somehow superior, and no female could ever really want much to do with me. I'm very much concerned that any sign of interest on my part will just be construed as creepy. It has become very isolating. I don't know if my looks help or hurt my cause(I am pretty much an exact doppleganger of the actor Edward Norton, to the point of incessant commenting and being eerie, haha). Anyway, I suppose my question is: Do women appreciate being approached in a casual setting, and what points of interst do they appreciate being engaged with. Again, I'm embarrassed to have to ask this and apologize if I'm not supposed to post on here.

**Mes T** · 03-31-2010 12:00 AM

Everyone's welcome here, I hope you stick around!

Personally, I really like when a guy talks to me without making me feel like he's after me in any way. I really appreciate when a guy can talk to me without any of that sexual pressure, as if I were his sister or his male friend or whatever. In fact I get downright turned off when someone openly starts flirting with me. I don't like to see someone trying. I like people who can pull things off naturally.

But, to each woman their own, and I think you gotta find some method that makes YOU feel comfortable. Being comfortable and confident is key, as it's contagious to the people around you.

Hey, I could totally see the Edward Norton thing working out for you.

No matter what you'll always have a conversation starter!

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 03-31-2010 03:02 AM

Always be yourself..

It's like fishing isn't it? There are many in the sea...

Don't be afraid to approach any lady you want to, the "shallow" ones will say get lost but the "nice" ones which is what you are after will give you a go.

I find it refreshing to speak to someone who "just says hi and talks" doesn't try the come on lines, make a few jokes at the bar, about service or something, ladies like to laugh as well.

As for Edward Norton, you can post your picture if you want in the Lounge Section, we will be sure to give you our honest opinion, because maybe the colours you wear for instance don't match your beautiful eyes

Welcome to the Forum, as Mes T has stated, guys are definately welcome here and we have a few.

CW

**Beautiful Disaster** · 03-31-2010 06:59 AM

Confidence. Confidence. Confidence.

First, you must work on YOU before you are really ready to go "fishing". I think it's hard at times because we don't often know how others perceive the way we look, talk, act. It's like hearing yourself in a recording and going "Wow I had no idea I sounded like that!!!". It's scary because you wonder how you'll be perceived when you approach a girl.

Why do you feel inferior to other men? I'd venture to guess that if all of us on here posted pics of our significant others, we might say "Ohhh that ones GOOD lookin!!" and then I might say "OHHH yikes what's she doin with that one!?!" about someone else. But that's the thing, beauty truly is in the eye of the beholder. One girl might think you're horrid while one girl might think you're the dreamiest guy she's ever met.

Start doing some things that make you feel good whether it be running, lifting weights, yoga, getting a nice new hair do, some new clothes. Work on your confidence first.

And like CW said, you can post your pic here in the Lounge and we will give you our honest opinions.

**smj91** · 03-31-2010 10:27 PM

Thanks for your advice and support, I really do appreciate it. I suppose that confidence is key, but I really do have exceptionally little to be confident about in this regard, and I just can't seem to feign it. I really don't know why nothing has ever clicked for me; I have to attribute it to a personality defect...and though I've been repeatedly told my looks are well above average, I have to wonder being that no woman has really ever expressed any interest in me. Most of my friends are now paired off, either engaged now or in committed relationships and this has only heightend my sense of isolation. My depression over this has started to affect my life(I'm a graduate student) because I really fear ending up alone.

Anyway, thank you for your warmth and suppot, and for allowing me to vent, it is kind of cathartic.

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