Thread: Need Advice

This gets kind of long, so I apologize, but everything is relevant.

My and my boyfriend had been together for almost 6 years. We never really fought much, and I thought things had been going pretty well at the time. In January, he told me he loved me but thought he could be a better friend to me than a boyfriend right now. He was VERY supportive, not afraid to hug me or ask me how I was doing. We were living together, so while it hurt, he was still coming to sleep next to me every night and we were still sleeping together and he still very much wanted me to live there. But after a while I wasn't sure how we'd move on or figure things out unless we had some space, so I asked him to move to the room in the basement. He did without complaint.

On his birthday, I took him to dinner, and at the end (probably due to wine) I asked him if I could have one more kiss for closure's sake. He gave it to me, and then suggested when we got home to go to his room and talk. We did have a good talk, and also ended up having sex again.

From there on, things were pretty good. He was crawling in to sleep with me instead of downstairs every night. We cuddled, talked openly, and were intimate. After about a month of this, he admitted to me, when I said I didn't understand why we broke up, that he was 70% sure we would get back together, and that this was just a phase that might have had to do with just sex or needing a bit of freedom (we used to have an open relationship, so sex with other people was not a huge deal for me). Before the chances of us getting back together was only 50/50; he didn't want to say either way because he didn't know what he was really feeling.

Anyways, things continued to be good, I was hopeful. Then I had a pregnancy scare, and told him that we screwed up and there was a chance I could be pregnant and that I would need to take a test in a couple weeks. He did not seem worried at all, and basically told me that he would be okay with it, because it would certainly simplify his feelings for me and our relationship. I didn't want a baby to be the reason he stayed though and told him so (thankfully I know now that I am not pregnant). But it confused me that we weren't really 'together' but he was completely okay with the idea of me maybe being pregnant.

Fastforward to now. I went away for the weekend. There was a coworker of his that he hangs out with on occasion. It wasn't often, really, like once or twice a month outside of work. Anyway, this weekend while I was gone, he was going to have her over to watch movies (he was open about hanging with her, so I was fine). When I come back, he tells me we need to talk.

Basically, he discovered over the weekend that he had a crush on this girl, and she had a crush on him back, and he felt he needed to explore it or he would always wonder what those feelings were about. I was very sad, but I could only give him my blessing. I also told him I didn't think I could live here anymore, because it might be too hard knowing when he didn't come home at night and just being alone in this big empty house most of the time because he'd be with her.

He's still being very supportive. Lots of hugs, kisses on the cheek/forehead, will cuddle with me when we watch a movie, he even cries when I'm crying. He's being very open about the girl he has a crush on, which I actually appreciate, though it's hard sometimes since he is sleeping over there often. He has expressed an interest in still spending time with me and being close.

I have asked him if this means we will never get back together, but he is hesitant to say never, because he has no idea where things with this other girl will go yet. But he is clearly excited about her, as it is a new relationship.

He doesn't want me to go, but thinks moving out will be good for me (I'll be going back to my parents place so I'll be able to save up a lot of money easily). He tries to suggest all the exciting things I can do now.

A few questions I need advice on:

1) I am confused about how certain he was we would get back together before this crush was in the picture. Could those feelings have really disappeared, or do you think it's just a temporary fling that he's curious about because it's someone/something new and exciting?

2) There are lots of websites that suggest 'no contact' as a method of re-sparking an ex's interests again (and also moving on). Does anyone have experience with getting back with a long-term partner? I mean, either it's going to happen or it won't, but is it true I can ruin my chances by being too clingy and always asking him about how he feels?

3) What can I do to feel better? It's going to be a few weeks before I can move out for sure and I am sometimes not sure I want to, just because living here is very cheap and convenient. Not as cheap as living with my folks, but I'm afraid if I stay here, it will only be because I am hoping he'll come back. I am not angry with him, because I know him very well. During our open relationship, he always came back to me, but this is the first time he's had a crush, I think.

We had a really good relationship, and I think given a second shot, we could make it new and exciting again too, but I am not sure how best to go about a) Helping myself cope with the break up in case it IS permanent and b) Not pushing away my ex and further confusing his feelings for me.

Help? I'm sorry this is so long. It's been a long few months.