How to feel more confident in your relationship!!

**BasketCase** · 04-12-2010 11:33 PM

This is really hard for me but I am trying. These are some good tips I have found that im trying to do. Hope this help someone else and helps me. If anyone has anything to add it would be helpful. Thanks girls!!

:1) Don't snoop unless you really have good reason not to trust him. E-mails and voice mails taken out of context can cause a lot of unnecessary heartache.

2) Give him a little friendly competition. It doesn't hurt for him to know that your tall, built, wildly successful artist friend from college periodically tells you you're the one who got away and it's the biggest regret of his life.

3) Skip the games and be up-front. If something's bothering you, tell him directly. Guys don't know what to make of it, and it shakes them up and gives you the upper hand.

4) Be confident in yourself. Finish your degree, apply for the better job or write that novel. If you have a good sense of your own self-worth, you'll be confident in your relationship.

5) Set some ground rules at the beginning. If you both agree that Friday is the night for hanging out with your friends separately, it won't be a conflict when he wants to play poker or you want to take a short road trip with some girlfriends.

6) Don't let the relationship progress too far without discussing major issues. Having children, religious differences, whether either one of you is willing to relocate for a job -- these can be land mines in the future.

7) Work out. It reduces stress and releases endorphins and makes you hot.

8) Be affectionate. If he returns the affection, it'll make you confident. If not, it's time to find a new boyfriend who is affectionate.

9) Avoid the temptation to endlessly analyze details. If he wears the shirt his ex-girlfriend bought him, it may just mean that it's the only clean white shirt he has that day.

10) Similarly, avoid discussing relationship issues with paranoid girlfriends. Paranoia is contagious and, before you know it, you'll be worrying if your boyfriend is cheating, because your friend's husband came home smelling of Angel when she wears only Poison.

11) Have lots of outside interests apart from the relationship. When you start to feel insecure, it helps to have something else to obsess over.

12) Present your best self to your partner and the world. Don't always go out dressed in sweats, and don't sleep in ratty T-shirts every single night. The old adage is true: When you look good, you probably feel good.

13) Replace negative self-talk with affirmations. Every time you find yourself thinking, "I don't deserve this guy," change it to "I deserve a wonderful relationship and more."

14) Don't let yourself become dependent. Know how to unclog the sink and change a tire. Skills are confidence boosters.

15) Let go of emotional baggage. If your grandma told you your sister was the pretty one or your dance teacher said you weren't graceful enough to be in the front row, it doesn't mean your boyfriend thinks you're homely or a klutz now.

16) Be yourself. Trying to maintain a façade is exhausting and confidence-eroding.

17) Similarly, let him be himself. If he feels like you're always picking at him, he'll strike back and it won't feel good.

18) Don't compare your relationship to other people's relationships. The grass isn't always greener, and you never know what's going on behind closed doors.

19) Memorize his credit card numbers. You'll always have the capacity for really serious revenge.

**Mes T** · 04-13-2010 12:07 AM

Great list! A lot of these are really spot-on.

Gosh that snooping one... is A BIGGIE. Snooping ALWAYS brings up something bad, and I think it's usually because the person who snoops imagines things that aren't there and totally misinterprets what IS there.

It's also highly addictive. Before you know it you'll be making reading his emails and whatnot a habit.

I'm not sure I agree with #2 though. I think that can easily become passive-aggressive psycho behavior.

I sure as heck wouldn't want my boyfriend to make me feel like I'm in competition, anyway.

**p3375** · 04-13-2010 02:38 AM

Agree - good tips all.

And, tho I know it was said in fun (right? - jus kiddin, right?

),

I LOVE tip # 19
P

**Maximus** · 04-13-2010 02:51 AM

Great tips, minus 2) and 19)

I would also that confidence in the relationship comes with the actual fact of building something together, re-designing the kitchen, or the living-room, anything that involves a common decision with mid/long-term effects.

Assuming that this thread is not about looking for the ultimate panacea for everlasting love and relationships

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 04-13-2010 03:26 AM

haha on number 19

20.. Always have Trust in your relationship.
21.. Communicate your feelings.
22.. Always keep the sex life spiced.
23.. Look after your dress sense both of you and don't let it down.
24.. Always say I love you.
25.. Give compliments frequently.
26.. Never go to bed without resolving an arguement.
27.. Always be confident in your relationship.
28.. Know your boundries with each other.
29.. Be intimate in and out of bed.
30.. Have no inhibitions - (other than your boundries)
31.. Understand when your partner is tired.

**sperosi** · 04-13-2010 05:01 AM

32.. Angry sex is a win-win for both parties!

**LanaBear** · 04-13-2010 08:07 AM

Originally Posted by sperosi

32.. Angry sex is a win-win for both parties!

Oh sperosi, you make me laugh, but it is true.

Great list overall!

**BasketCase** · 04-13-2010 10:08 PM

Revenge can be sweet but i dont think I have it in me to do something like #19 lol.
#33 Always try to do things together.
#34 Understand that your bf has friends and be ok with them hanging out.
#35 Don't post every fight on Facebook. Then ur girlfriends will hate him.

i see people do that and I dont get it.

**Hopeless Dork** · 04-14-2010 03:09 AM

Avoid asking and talking about their exes... you don't need to know what every girl he went out with was like and to try to compare yourself to them or compare how he treated them vs how he treats you. With most men, if you don't 'go there', they won't either.

Give the benefit of the doubt. Don't always assume worst case scenerio. If he tells you he's sick before a scheduled date, believe him. Of course don't let that benefit extend to stupidity, if he always has excuses... you have to be realistic. But if its a one time think where he doesn't call when he's said he would.... don't jump down his throat before he has had the chance to tell you why he didn't keep his word.

Don't be afraid to ask for the respect you feel you deserve. If your guy is checking out girls in front of you and it bothers you, let him know. His ex gf may not have had a problem with it, if you do... address it. If he can't respect your feelings on matters you find important... you might not be in the right relationship. Being confident does not mean having to put up with things that disregaurd your feelings just to prove how confident you are. It's not controlling or insecure to stand up for yourself on what you individually find disrespectful.

To be confident in a relationship mostly has to come from with in... but a supportive significant other is going to do the little things that help you to feel more confident. If they belittle your appearance, if they embarass you by hitting on your friends etc... it might not be that you need to to up your confidence but that you need to find a guy that doesn't contribute to the lack of it.

Know your worth. Know how beautiful you are, how smart, how funny, how interesting - know what you bring to the table that would make almost any man feel lucky to have you. Know that if your guy isn't treating you the way you deserve that there is a man out there who will. You don't have to rub his nose in how awesome you are, but being well aware of your awesomness will keep you from putting up with stuff that hurts you out of fear of never finding anyone to love you like they do. You can, and you will if they are not loving you right.

That doesn't mean to think of your love or your man as replaceable, but to think of yourself as the one of kind wonder that you are as it will keep you from worrying all the time that he's looking to trade up. If you see yourself as 'up'... that fear shouldn't exsist.

Support your man's confidence if you want him to support yours. If you don't want him drooling over every chick in a bikini on tv in front of you... don't comment on how your panties wet up at ever brad pitt scene. Respect breeds respect. Give it if you want to get it. If he does something nice for you, compliment him. It will remind him to do the same for you. Don't forget to tell him how sexy he is to you, and he'll be a lot less likely to forget to let you know just how desirable you are to him as well.

Don't view every woman in his life as a threat. She isn't. This all goes back to 'knowing your worth'. Just like every guy that pops into your day isn't a threat to him or your relationship. Its a lot easier to be confident in your relationship, in how your man will conduct himself when you are first confident in yourself and know that you are conducting yourself in the same manor you'd expect from him. Don't expect more from him than you are able to do yourself... and don't accept less.

**ocularone** · 04-14-2010 03:17 AM

To me, number 2 and 3 contradict each other. It says don't play head games yet you wanna make him feel insecure just to make sure he knows other guys you see and work with everyday want you??? It's not as much the fact that they contradict each other that bothers me.... Why would you want to make your parter feel insecure by saying "Oh you know bob at work?? Yea he thinks I'm gorgeous and would kill to date me!" especially when it's only design is to make your parter jealous. I think a certain amount of jealousy is healthy and even NEEDED in a good relationship, but to INTENTIONALLY make your partner jealous?? I would never ever. That's just called being immature