First date sex?

**Vixen** · 04-23-2010 08:45 PM

I think this thread goes here lol.

Just want to hear other peoples opinions on sex on the first date. I am never sure what is right. Sometimes I just go with how I feel.

My problem has been that on a few occassions where I have had sex on the first date I am then considered as a "fun date" with no potential to take anything further than just sex. On other occassions where I have held off then my date has failed to contact me or has stated that he wants sex in the relationship from an early stage.

Of course there have been times that sex or no sex the relationship has grown but more often im finding in just ending up with lots of dates and no relationship.

Whats your opinion? Do you dont you?
I guess its down to judging individuals but lets hear from others.

**Anon_1990** · 04-23-2010 08:51 PM

Just do what you feel. As a guy, I don't think I could get it up infront of someone I'd just met!

**rcoreyus** · 04-23-2010 08:52 PM

I think that people who are interested in a long term relationship will want another date whether or not you have sex the first time. People who are looking for a "fun date" won't want another data if you don't have sex.

If you are happy with fun dates, but are hoping for something long term, then I think its fine to have sex on the first date.

If you only want to sleep with someone with the possibility of a long term relationship, then you might not want to have sex on the first date.

**GlitterAndStuds** · 04-23-2010 08:53 PM

So annoying, isn't it? Well what I was going to say is already in your post... going with what you feel is usually the best case. That way there's no regrets and what-ifs.

How the guy perceives it depends on each individual guy. Some guys do consider the girl a "just for S n' G" type because she did it too quickly, and they see her as easy and doesn't require effort. Obviously I'm not saying this about you, haha... or anyone for that matter. A lot of times it's not the case, but a guy who barely knows her could easily think it.

Theeeen there's the other guys who just don't understand self respect. They get frustrated when a girl's NOT easy and get bored that quickly. Those guys aren't worth keeping anyway.

I'm not making sweeping generalizations about guys either way, those just tend to be the reasons. Everyone sees everything differently, but if you do what YOU want to do then who cares

Personally, I've never had sex on a first date. I like to make sure there's a connection there. Then again, I had sex with my boyfriend on the 3rd date and we've been together over a year, haha. Again, different strokes.

**Ahryin** · 04-23-2010 08:56 PM

Vixen, check out my previous threads I started a thread on this earlier this year...lots of great responses

**Vixen** · 04-23-2010 09:14 PM

Thanks for all the replies. I will check out that other thread sorry for posting whats already been talked about.

I think the do as I feel approach is going to be the best for me. The guys may take me and like me as I am lol.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 05-01-2010 12:05 PM

Vixen, you haven't posted what's already been talked about persay, each person is different and has a different story.

Yes, you should do what you feel, it's your body, your mind, however, there are things to consider, what do you want out of it?

If you just want fun, go for it.

If you meet someone that you "click with" so not chemistry alone but you actually can see that you'd love to see him more, then hold your knickers

Because the way I see it the guy, thinks, if your that quick with him, you were with others and he's not special.

It might suprise you to know that men have feelings to, they want to know it's "them" that you want, not sex.

Same for you.

So view each case as a case to case scenario, is my opinion.

CW

**Hopeless Dork** · 05-01-2010 09:41 PM

Me and my boyfriend we're sexually expressive in alternative ways from date 1. But we had gotten to know each other prior to that and saved actual intercourse for a couple months later when we were much more solid in our relationship.

I know plenty of people that turned a one night stand into a committed relationships and many that haven't. As long as you are safe in your sex, I say following your heart is the best way to go about anything. If you want to do something do it, if you dont... then wait.

Any guy that will have sex with you then judge you as not being gf material bc you gave it up on the first date ... is not the kind of man you want for your life anyway. Those types are so hypocritical and selfish and not awesome boyfriend material anyway... as they have a different set of rules for women than they do for themselves and that is going to carry into other facets of the relationship.

**GlassDaemon** · 05-01-2010 10:20 PM

Sex is something to be cherished and enjoyed among two people that love each other, you don't fall in love after one day, period, sorry.

Casual sex is one thing, but that's not a date, there's no love intended, don't intermix the two. Not that I find that to be any better, mind you, but at least recognize that it's not a date and there's no love involved, just lust.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 05-02-2010 01:21 AM

GlassDaemon.

Morals are a completely different thing.. That's an individual decision and not one that I don't believe in myself.

You are correct, "chemistry/lust" is the usual reason why someone is prepared to have sex immediately and it is a date, they went out for that purpose but ended up, in bed, due to chemistry/lust... Is that right? Is that wrong? It's neither, it's a personal, individual decision...

The problem is as you pointed out, others pointed out, I pointed out, that the man will assume the female, easily does this each time and therefore, won't, most of the times, go on to forumate a relationship.. No trust.

We don't use the words in which you want to use on this Forum, to describe what you think that makes a woman, it's judgemental.

To point out how perhaps a man may view this, is an opinion, a fair opinion and one that is probably spot on...

And, therefore, it answers a question of why it doesn't go any further and how the OP may want to view this and consider changing her tatics and beliefs of herself, to ensure she too can have a relationship...

Her friend goes into relationships after relationships, so she is really settling and hoping each one will turn out but it doesn't... And, it appears to me that she can't be alone either and so, she jumps straight into the next one.

Understanding, the actions and the implications of those actions can change a persons way of thinking and that's what we are trying to do here, offer advice that may help her understand, why things go the way they go.

CW