How do you date?

**GlassDaemon** · 04-25-2010 12:20 PM

An interesting little thing that I think of quite often. My friends seem to go through many partners, sometimes it felt like chain dating. One of them, we'll call her Amy, she could not ever be single, and she would date, it seemed, anyone and everyone, long as she wasn't single. I figured that came from insecurities. Still that doesn't disregard my other friend, we'll call her Joy, who dates not as regularly but sometimes I feel like she'd date anyone who showed interest. Why do people do that?

Now, let me explain what I did/do. I couldn't count how many "first dates" I went on, or how many people I've met, or online profiles I've read. I got my friends involved, asked them to make sure to invite their single friends to parties. However, I can count how many long term relationships I've had.... three, including my current bf(I don't really consider the first date anything more than a meeting to figure out if there was even a point to persue a relationship with them). I always tell him I "hunted" for him and I really feel like I was searching for him, because when we met it was totally different than any other date, it all just fell right into place and was just... right. He was what I could not find in any other of my 'first dates.' (I was a serious playa for awhile XD I'm not sure I actually know the proper definition of that term.)

Maybe it's because I don't like playing the game, and getting hurt. Perhaps I don't understand the entertainment people get from dating so many people, especially people like Amy who gets very attached to each of them and hurt every time. It baffles me.

So, how do you date? Do you do individual dates? Where each time you go out to eat or out to do some activity? Or do you prefer to spend a night at the potential's house? Admittedly, I'm a fan of the latter, not to say that I meet them and spend the night on the same day. lol Do you date multiple people at a time until you agree to monogamous to one person? (Not trying to throw out the poly people) How successful have you been in dating? Or unsuccessful?

**Anon_1990** · 04-25-2010 12:20 PM

Just wait for the right girl to come, its what I do. Its long, laborious but it happens.

**Otown_girl** · 04-27-2010 04:00 AM

I take things very slow.

I believe in ''what's meant to be will find it's way''. So I never actually looked for someone, it always just happened. I have a friend that always seems to ask me if I know any people that would be interested in her, and I find that annoying because she's always so desperate. Being desperate for a relationship can sometimes push guys back.

I don't like labels. I dated a lot of people for a long time, but they were never my ''boyfriend''. They were just people that I was dating and getting to know. Dating is the process of learning what kind of person you get along with and what kind of person you're attracted to.

When guys showed interest in me, I would go out with them only if I was interested also. While I was dating these guys, I got to know what I wanted in a parter and I found my boyfriend. It took a while to find him, but he's the only one I was able to say ''he's my boyfriend''. I wouldn't have been someone's girlfriend if I didn't think we had a future together. After dating numerous people, I knew what kind of guy I didn't want to be with. I never slept with any of the guys I dated. I only commited completely to my boyfriend because he's one of the 2 guys I've actually loved.

The way I take it is, I date the guy until I know if I can love him or not. If I fall IN LOVE with him and if I know that he feels the same way too, I'm his girlfriend and I can sleep with him. But when I know it would never be true love or/and he doesn't feel the same way, I let it go. It's not worth wasting your time. Being single doesn't mean that you will always be single. You have to be patient.

**Otown_girl** · 04-27-2010 04:14 AM

Also, you have to be careful; there is a difference between liking someone, caring about someone, and loving someone.
If you never get past the liking part, it won't go far.
If you really start caring deeply about the person, that's where people can get hurt. But it doesn't mean that you're in love with the person. It only means that you have a close friendship. It is possible for a man and a women to have a close friendship.
It's when you love someone, when you can't live without the person and when you're a part of the person that you should commit to them.

**WildChild** · 04-27-2010 06:16 AM

Haven't dated since before I married 10 yrs ago. I think I might have been better off to do more of it and allow a longer time before getting very involved.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 05-01-2010 12:01 PM

Some people just go with the flow because they don't / can't be alone.

Other's are more selective and wait until they meet someone they think will be compatible.

Which ever way you look at it though, what we think and what we get are two different things and therefore, we go through partners, in your case, 3, in other's 23.

I don't think you can find what you want until you find yourself.

Once you do and you know who you are, you will attract likeminded people.

That's totally different than knowing what "you want" that's a wish list and I don't believe that works.

To me dating is to ensure your out there, you get dressed up, you don't forget how to.

Establishing a bond of sorts, well that is few and far between, unless as I said, you can't stand being alone. Then you find a reason to bond regardless, you settle, and give it a go.

When you least expect it, it will bite you in the butt

CW

**GlassDaemon** · 05-01-2010 08:11 PM

See I don't believe anything worth having is easy to obtain. I don't believe in waiting for it to fall into my lap. Just like I don't believe love just happens, it requires compromise and working together, learning and growing together.

Perhaps I'm just unlucky like that, a job never fell into my lap, I had to actively work to get one, just like I had to work and search to find a partner in life. Maybe I'm just too impatient though, but then I've had people show interests and persue me before, I could have dated them, but they weren't what I wanted. I didn't necessarily go up and strike a conversation with everyone, but I was on tons of dating sites, I made myself available and approachable in public, just in general, put myself out there.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 05-02-2010 01:39 AM

See I don't believe anything worth having is easy to obtain.

I believe that, as far as work goes. As far as relationships goes, I'm worth it and therefore, I can choose, not settle and in that, it is easy, as I can clearly see the person in front of me and make a decision if I want a second date, or not.

Just like I don't believe love just happens, it requires compromise and working together, learning and growing together

Love .. such a strong word. I believe that there are two things that can occur, chemistry only, or "inner person" when you meet someone, then chemistry...

If it's having the opportunity to get to know a person and "like" that person, you want to find out more about them, your compatible, you got on well, and then you start to see them in a lustful light, after the fact and from there, you obviously get to know them intimately and start to develop love/affection still with lust.

As for then keeping that alive? Yes, that all takes alot of hard work, communication and compromise....

I have never "worked" to find a partner. I've just known who I am, what things are important to me, core values, morals, and have seen the lost souls, or the ones that just want company, or those that still have baggage, verses the one that is on the same page as me, in which case, I've ventured that path.

I think if you know yourself. Love yourself. Then it's still not easy to find, as you dwindle through the baggage/lost souls/ but it gives you clear persepective enabling the door to be open, should he walk through it.

Dating? Like I've said many a time, it's important, so that you remember, can converse with the oppositve sex, can try many avenues giving yourself the opportunity to hopefully meet someone whom you are compatible with, and it's fun with some horror stories as well, but we all need to feel like we are a "woman" and dressing up and going out is going to keep us feeling that way.

At the end of my first date? With my current boyfriend? We arranged a second date, both got in our taxis and went home... My only request haha, was to text me, as well, we arranged to meet 7 days later.. He said, no I'll call you tomorrow. And, in those 7 days, we had fun, got to know each other that little bit more and made our second date a lot easier and third and now here we are, 4 months later.

CW