Jealousy/Worrying

**grrrr** · 04-26-2010 08:18 AM

Originally Posted by Mes_T

I don't get why bringing up someone's past is a bad thing? I mean friends talk about their exs and etc, so why can't a boyfriend and girlfriend do the same?

Educate me pleasezszs!

Honestly I think it's because sometimes we want to be the "only one who ever existed" in that persons life (regardless of gender). It shouldn't matter.... but for some people it does!

We all have pasts..... and certainly, not everyone we've been with is a trophy of any sort! Jeeze.... at the end of the day I don't think that you can, nor should you, live in the past. If you find someone you like, go for it and stick with it..... don't freak out about who their partners were....

also, it's kind of "healthy" to know your partners history.... for safety sake! "Knowledge is health" - I know someone said that!

**Mes T** · 04-26-2010 08:26 AM

Yeah I definitely think that pasts shouldn't be brought up in THAT way, like, "Hey who was that girl you briefly dated 7 years ago, huh?? I expected more of you, MISTER!"

But why do people say they'd "run for the hills" if their SO started asking about their exs? Isn't it okay to just ask out of curiosity, the way a friend or family member might?

I'm curious (to a limited extent) about my partner's exs, 1) because I'm curious about all sorts of aspects of their life, and if they're willing to share, I'm happy to listen. And 2) it helps me, a little bit, to ascertain what kind of relationship I'm in for.

**sourpuss** · 04-26-2010 08:30 AM

I'm not saying that they're not allowed to ask or share. I guess I meant it in the text the OP was talking about. I always say an ex is an ex for a reason and that any time spent dwelling on it is unproductive in moving your life forward. I don't like the thought of my boyfriend being in love with someone else and I'm sure he's not curious about my past like that either. Ultimately it leads to feelings of insecurity. Do they like me as much, as I as good in bed, do I make them as happy? etc etc

**Mes T** · 04-26-2010 08:37 AM

Originally Posted by sourpuss

I'm not saying that they're not allowed to ask or share. I guess I meant it in the text the OP was talking about. I always say an ex is an ex for a reason and that any time spent dwelling on it is unproductive in moving your life forward. I don't like the thought of my boyfriend being in love with someone else and I'm sure he's not curious about my past like that either. Ultimately it leads to feelings of insecurity. Do they like me as much, as I as good in bed, do I make them as happy? etc etc

Hmm. True. True true true. :-/