Thread: should I contact HIM after a first date?

Originally Posted by FoxMulder

Yes, but as proven by Caterpillar79's post women think that men don't want that. The thing is Women don't want to show intrest in a guy at all... just bank in on the attention, intrest, affection, love etc etc the guy is giving them... atleast for a while until they actually reciprocate what the man does.

Wrong notion! Nothing was PROVEN by my opinion, per se. As what Lana said, it is how I feel towards the original poster's issue. And it is not true that women (as you used another generalization - not even saying "some" women) do not want to show interest in a guy...we do. We use body language and believe it or not most of it are even on the subconscious level. We do reciprocate even when we are not asked to.

The OP asked whether she should do the first contact after the first date, others said "go ahead", and I simply didn't. I felt that the guy should be the first to call to see if you (as the lady), enjoyed the date or not. But, I do apologize for being vague, I suppose. i should have said something like: if he have not called for 3 days/nights, then she should go ahead and do her thing - for me, it was just a matter of giving the guy space and time. I was speaking based on experience and what I have read about. It was not a game either. It has a lot to do to how I have been raised, including my belief system - my opinion, that's all.

Everything here is in case-to case basis, so please stop generalizing. Most posters would always answer posts and would most likely base it on their experiences, convictions, readings, thoughts, etc. No one is going to be right or wrong. It is actually healthy to have varying sides as it opens the OP's eyes (as well as the readers/subscribers of this thread), so she can come up with her own, and decide which course of action she will take.

Originally Posted by FoxMulder

I think women simply don't want men to feel special, they don't want men to feel liked, they dont want men to feel loved. They just want the man to make them feel special, to make them feel liked, to make them feel loved.

You just love to generalize! SOME women are not wired to be extra showy of their emotions, but MOST are. That being said, once the connection is established, most women do an extra mile to make the man in their lives feel that they are appreciated, loved and special.

Originally Posted by jns

My wife is from 8,000+ miles (13,000+ kilometers) away from where I lived. I met her when I was on vacation. I gave her my address when we first met, I didn't have her address. She wrote me to start the process of getting to know each other better. I had the letter translated by a friend. This was before the days of cell phones and the internet. Regular phones were unintelligible where she lived and there was a language barrier.

In today's age, communications are much better, but people still play games about who should do what. Some of it is cultural, some is societal, some is one person trying to be in control of the situation. In general I say communicating is better than not, and being yourself is better than faking it. Would you rather pass on someone who would fall in love with you and you with them, just because they didn't play by the rules as you know them? If you communicate, you will soon be able to tell if someone is interested in you and is compatible with you. Yeah, sometimes you have to put yourself out there a bit.

Exactly! Each one's case is special. Some are still playing games, some are not. Some abide by the rules (by whose author, you do not really know!), some to their culture and the way they were raised, among others.

Communication is an art and a means for us to understand the people around us, and be understood by them as well. Communication is a two-way process and it could be verbal and non-verbal, hence, one has to be aware and especially observant and keen in order to pick-up these cues and respond to them appropriately.

Now, going back to the original issue....

How is everything going now, OP? You said you left a message, did he respond already? I think I am getting excited for you...